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17-08-2010
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Flare Canada July 2010

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25-08-2010
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Youtube.com/ClevverTv

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05-09-2010
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Teen Vogue October 2010 : Justin Bieber



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10-09-2010
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E! News Youtube.com

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11-09-2010
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Justin Bieber leaving his hotel in New York City - August 31, 2010

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12-09-2010
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TEEN VOGUE OCTOBER 2010

Kid Rock

Justin Bieber by Alasdair McLellan








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21-09-2010
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Glamour Russia - October 2010

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21-09-2010
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Has he grown taller yet?

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12-10-2010
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Open Post: Hosted By Bieber's Future Backup Dancer


If you're going to record a YouTube video of you singing to a Justin Bieber song, why would you just do the wallflower shuffle while your dad (or maybe he's their uncle who drives an electric blue Mustang and always smells like pina coladas) upstages you with his sweet sweet moves in the background? That spazzed out swan has the boogie in him and he's trying to shake that shi* out while the two girls just stand there!

I mean, I think I just watched him do the Cabbage Patch, the Macarena and the Viennese Waltz AT THE SAME TIME. Dude totally used to be a Fantasmic! dancer back in the day.

Wait. Maybe these girls aren't moving because they are stunned with fear. Should we call the police?

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13-10-2010
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June 17th 2010 It's Hard Out There For Lesbians Who Look Like Bieber

A 27-year-old woman named Katie was just trying to enjoy a beer on Saturday night at Mug and Mallet in Ocean City, Maryland when a cop came in and asked her for her government ID. You see, somebody who has obviously never been to Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber placed a call to the police and told them that 16-year-old Justin Bieber was illegally drinking booze at Mug and Mallet. HA! As if that fetus can drink a beer without barfing his head off. I bet Justin Bieber gets drunk when he drinks a Gatorade too fast.

Anyways, Katie tells TMZ that she simply just had to show the cops her ID to prove that she's not a 16-year-old pop star. Or instead of doing that, the cops could've just checked to see if she's wearing Pull-Ups.

While most of us would immediately run into the kitchen and take the sharpest knife to our hair if someone mistook us for The Lesbeaver, Katie just laughed it off. She says it happens to her all the time.

Dumb bitches needs to know that Justin Bieber isn't the first person to have magical bangs that can sweep the nightmares from your head. I'm no historian, but I'm sure Katie conquered that look long before The Lesbeaver. Bitches should be going up to Justin Bieber to ask him "Are you Katie from Ocean City?" Not the other way around.
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13-10-2010
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June 25th 2010 Insert Beaver Joke Here

Since Playboy has to wait a few more years before they can legally offer Justin Bieber the chance to show off his vagina (I'm going to get it for that) in their magazine, they have decided to hit up a different Bieber in the meantime. Blogger Zack Taylor (via HuffPo) claims that Playboy has offered Justin Bieber's 34-year-old mother Pattie Lynn Malette a spread in one of their upcoming issues.

A source at Playboy says the offer is worth $50,000 and would only feature shots of where Justin breastfed from a couple of months ago (aka no vag).

This is most likely all kinds of false, but if it is true, why would Playboy think Justin Bieber's mother would do this shi* for only 50 grand? If they are looking for the mom of a tween star to flash her nipples in their magazine they should just go to their front door right now and open it. I'm pretty sure they'll find Tish Cyrus slipping her resume under their door.
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13-10-2010
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Running Of The Crazed Tween Girls July 27th 2010
Before a concert in Glendale, Arizona the other day, Justin Bieber was almost attacked by a mob of crazed girls, so naturally he escaped by jumping on a Segway and zooming upstream. You were wrong in thinking that The Lesbeaver only travels in a baby walker. They grow up so fast.

This is the thing, I get a cramp in my side and run out of breath when I change the channel too fast and I could probably catch Justin Bieber on his Segway. Either those girls barely learned how to walk 10 minutes before this or they just love running around while screeching like a hyena getting waxed.

Maybe they are running like the pavement is made of banana peels, because they have no idea what to do with Justin Bieber once they catch him. Braid his luscious locks? Entertain him with a rattle? Or just scream at him until his ears fall off. Definitely the latter.


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13-10-2010
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August 2nd 2010 Justin Bieber, Noted Author

16-year-old Justin Bieber barely learned his ABC's last month, but he's still going to sit down at the little table in the classroom and write his riveting memoirs using big crayons and construction paper.

The Lesbeaver's illustrated autobiography titled Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story (aka The Double Colon Book) will come out this October. Don't expect full chapters on the moment Justin learned that poop floats in the water sometimes. No, Justin has a mind and he's not afraid to use it. Here's a few examples of how deep Justin gets:

"It's kind of hard to balance school and work sometimes. But sometimes, like, if I'm going to the White House and I'm in there doing a tour and stuff, that's like school."

"I'm just a regular 16 year old kid. I make good grilled cheese and I like girls."

“People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you’re not talking to me.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life.”

Okay, okay, Justin's autobiography is basically going to be like flipping through your friend's "My Baby's First Time" book.
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13-10-2010
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September 19th 2010 It's A Good Thing Hooters Has A Kids Menu


Justin Bieber got lost while trying to find the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese and ended up in the middle of a Hooters at the West Edmonton Mall in Edmonton, AB Canada yesterday. It's Biebs and boobs!

The real story is that the Biebs band ate at Hooters earlier and promised the waitresses they'd bring The Lesbeaver back for a photo-op. They came through and that's how this magical picture came to be.

I'm not sure if the Biebs just climbed one step up the puberty ladder or if he's seriously resisting the urge to go wild on that breast feeding buffet.
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13-10-2010
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Sept 21st 2010 The Witness Protection Program's Newest Member

It's really hard out there for 16-year-olds these days. Not only do they have to worry about their mothers walking in on them kissing the boy next door in the garage (It was the only place! The door to my room was broken, okay!), but now they have to worry about fans taking pictures of them kissing on a girl in the back of a Honda!

TMZ posted these grainy and blurry pictures of The Lesbeaver kissing 16-year-old Jasmine Villegas, who is his opening act on tour. To me, it looks more like he's getting really close to Jasmine to pop a pimple on her chin. That's better than making out to some 16-year-olds. Popping pimples is practically first base. Who knows, but I do that Jasmine Villegas is in all kinds of danger now. The Bieliebers have already broken out of their playpens, turned their rattles into shanks and are crawling for BLOOD!

Here's Jasmine's video for your new favorite song "Kiss Me Through The Phone".

Poor Jasmine. Such talent. Now she'll have to change her name, get a new face, move to a different town and enter the Witness Protection Program. Jasmine and Justin could've been the world's newest IT lesbian couple. Sad. I bet she wishes she would've kissed The Lesbeaver through the phone instead.
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