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02-04-2007
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BetteT's Avatar
 
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Xmodel citizen ...

I'm sorry you feel that your report did not get any attention.

The mods are volunteers ... and put in as many hours as they can here ... but sometimes something is missed when it's reported because we are otherwise occupied with career, family, illnesses and vacations, etc. We are not perfect and things slip through. My appologies, if this is something that we missed.

Or ... another possiblility is that it has been discussed among the mods and deemed not significant enough to remove it. In that case, you would not be aware that it had been addressed, but I can assure you that if we are made aware of even "borderline" violations, we will not let that poster continue in the vein for very long.

You will not be made aware of any disciplinary actions we take (PM's explaining the rules, formal warnings, suspensions, and complet bans) because it's confidential. The only time you would be aware of any action on our part, is to see the ofending posts get edited or deleted.

If it's still an issue with you, and the offending post is still there, feel free to PM me with a link to the post in question and I'll take a second (or first) look at it for you. We really do appreciate when posts that clearly violate the guidlines are reported to us ... because we can't be everywhere on this huge board, all the time.

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Last edited by BetteT; 02-04-2007 at 11:06 PM.
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11-04-2007
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I think I have, from time to time, been rude here. I apologise for everyone and try to learn manners

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12-04-2007
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WhiteLinen ... that is a very nice thing to say.

We all have our moments when we post something that is not kind or is rude when we feel strongly about something. We've all made mistakes. But what counts is what we do, going forward.

What I try to do, when I find that someone has upset me, is to walk away from the computer for a few minutes.

Then, if I still want to say something,. I always re-read my post before I post it. I want to make sure that I'm being clear so no one can misunderstand my point and that I am not saying anything that might anger or hurt the other person. It slows me down long enough to not post rude or hurtful things. There's many things I've written that I never posted ...

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13-04-2007
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That is good advice. I think what is considered rude sometimes varies from culture to culture. For example, I am from Scandinavia. Compared to the French, the British or the American, we seem very rude as we are quite cold to others. It's just something that comes with the culture, and to us it is not rude. That is why I think sometimes one can take a post as rude because in his or her culture it is rude or a little bit "cold".

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13-04-2007
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It's also a matter of forum culture, isn't it? This is one of the most well-behaved boards I've seen (at least the sub-forums I visit). I've found myself posting things here, just to minutes later think "yikes, maybe that was a bit harsh", and that never happens on other boards I frequent, where people are more... blunt.

I do think there are plenty of besserwissers here, that to some might come across as rude when telling people "how it REALLY is" (<-- I'm occassionally one of them, although I try not to), but I think that's another matter. I rarely see personal attacks, or backstalking, foul language or anything.

Bette's advice is very good. I should really start practising the walk-away thing.

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10-03-2016
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I don't know where else to post this: I feel like I am seeing more snarky comments than usual in the forum and it's frustrating. It's nothing major enough to report but something like posting a link to "let me google that for you" is just passive aggressive and creates such a lousy vibe here. Maybe I'm alone in thinking this, and that's okay. Sorry if this is the wrong place to express my frustration with bitchy tones in the forum.

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11-03-2016
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I agree that those sort of comments are passive aggressive and carry a negative vibe. Whether the intent is to show disrespect or not ... it is easy to interpret this sort of comment that way and difficult for the person who said it to see the impact it might have had on the recipient. And it's also almost impossible to stop ... because it's borderline bad behavior.

You already know how to handle it ... it's clear to me, that you are just a bit frustrated and I don't blame you.


For every one else, here are my thoughts about negativity and insults in general, in the forums:

1. Remember that this is the internet, and many people feel protected/anonymous and therefore feel free to say things that they would never say in real life, face to face. Try not to take it personally ... it's not real life and it's not that important. It happens on any site where people offer opinions and have discussions.

2. The tFS rules clearly state that members may not insult or show disrespect towards other members or their opinions. That, of course, is up the interpretation ... so we, the moderator team, will discus and vote on grey area "insults".

2. But .... that also means that if a member feels insulted, that they may not insult the offending member, in retaliation. Hard not to do ... but 2 "wrongs" don't make a "right". We will stop arguments like this and both members may get a warning.

3. It's a very delicate balance for the moderators. We do not censor negative opinions offered about any topic or any famous person. If someone disagrees with that opinion, it is not considered a personal insult . This is a discussion forum and we want both types of opinions and for members to engage in debate and to explain their point of view. But ... we do not ever want a member to feel personally attacked.

4. If you feel you have been personally and deliberately insulted, what you can and should do is report it (via the "Report Post" link) and the moderator team will take a look and make a joint decision about whether it steps over the line or not. We will handle the matter privately, so you will never know what action was taken. Be assured that repeat offenders, will eventually loose their membership privileges, as outlined in the Community Rules.




And, in our defense, you should have seen this place about 12 years ago, before we enlarged our moderator team and added lot's of strict rules about conduct. We had fights, bullying, profanity and general ugliness almost daily. We identified the ring leaders and insisted that they stop these types of attacks ... and one by one, they and their followers lost their memberships because they either would not or could not change their behavior.

So now ... we may have some undercurrents and an occasional flare up, but in my mind, it's about a hundred times better. Thanks to a very hard working group of moderators ... many who are not longer mods, but are still active members.

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Last edited by BetteT; 11-03-2016 at 11:35 AM.
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11-03-2016
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I realize now how my initial comment might have sounded: I definitely do not want the moderators and members to feel slighted because you all do a wonderful job.

I know how terrible some internet spaces can be so in hindsight I think I was being touchy. TFS has spoiled me with its respectful community! 😂

Anyway, thank you so much for your response. It is nice to have things put into perspective.

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12-03-2016
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You are welcome. And thanks for vote of support for the team an past moderators!!


It's fine to vent a little in this thread. It's something we should all think about ... how we are coming across to others.

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14-03-2016
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Quote:
the sniping does seem to happen most often with celeb obsessed members...so starstyle and supporting cast always seem to give the mods a headache...
Quote:
Agreed, the only rudeness I ever see in this forum seems to be on behalf of a celeb.
This was posted 9 years ago yet it would accurately describes how things are today. Although, I wouldn't say those are the only times and it's definitely spread beyond the Star Style sub-forum. I suppose some things never change.

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14-03-2016
  56
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^ Yet another reason why Personal Style is better than Star Style

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