How to Join
the Fashion Spot / the Sidewalk Café / Rumor has it...
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Rules Links Mobile How to Join
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
20-04-2006
  1
trendsetter
 
Jennika's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,040
PAGE SIX OF THE FUTURE (too funny)
PAGE SIX 2026


A FRIGHTENING LOOK INTO OUR FUTURE




Wedding is a Suri thing
The long-feuding Cruise and Shields clans made peace this weekend with the surprise wedding of Suri Cruise and Grier Shields Henchy, who both turned 20 yesterday. The lavish lesbian ceremony was held on the grounds of John Travolta's Battlefield Earth Theme Park (formerly St. Patrick's Cathedral). But our spy, Webster Hall archeologist Baird Jones Jr., offered an exclusive account of the nuptials officiated by Pope Bono. The brides wore matching white Wal-Mart Wang gowns trailed by 20-foot trains carried by miniature Chihuahuas, all descendants of Tinkerbell Hilton.

They exchanged rings - gifts from Oprah Winfrey, Omega Thetan IV, the peacemaker who brought Suri's dad, Tom Cruise, and Grier's mom, Brooke Shields, together to bury the hatchet in a very special "Oprah" Super Bowl LIX halftime show - the highest-rated program ever.
The happy couple met in a Beverly Hills prison, after Grier was arrested for peddling anti-depressants. Suri was in the next cell, recovering from an overdose of Zoloft. Two days later, Suri was trampolining on couches at the "Late Nights with Lindsay and Dina Lohan" show.
Tom Cruise said the wedding was "extraordinary!" "Amazing!" "She's an extraordinary woman!" and "Xenu-rific!" Katie Holmes was silent, as she has been for the past two decades. Guests were disappointed, however, when the placenta puffs were gobbled up by an out-of control and uninvited Kirstie Alley (star of the reality hit "Nearly Dead From Advance Complications due to Type II Diabetes Actress"). Two paparazzi were killed by surface-to-air missiles (legal under Patriot Act 79) when their jetpacks drifted too close to the proceedings. Cruise-Henchy sold the exclusive photo rights to Jill Johnson, 12, who leads the MySpace rankings with 92 million friends. "This rulz, LOL!" Jill wrote.

Cruise-Henchy will honeymoon at Brokeback Mountain National Park, formerly Wyoming.

Sightings
CALL him a cougar hunter - Kal-el Cage leaving Sen. Tara Reid's party boat in the wee hours of the morning ... Rocco Ritchie and Sean Preston Spears Federline do their mamas proud by locking lips at MTV's 45th annual Video Music Awards ... At least a dozen of the confirmed 15 Jolie-Pitt children were seen buying 100 appetizers from '21' Club and giving them to the homeless, who, unaccustomed to the richness of foie gras poppers, mostly threw them right back up.
Just asking

WHICH aging lothario rates Apple Martin a "5," Lourdes Ciccone a "7" and Moses Martin a "9"? Naughty. . . WHAT pouty-lipped celebrity offspring is renouncing her American citizenship to run for president of Namibia? . . . WHICH poptart spawn was arrested for driving without a seatbelt for the third time this month? "Mom never strapped me in to car seats or high chairs, so I guess I just never got in the habit," he told our spy.


Isn't he Love-ly?
PROPS to Lawrence Cobain- he might only be 6, but he's sharp as a tack. When his granny Courtney Love lost consciousness at her Chelsea loft on Tuesday, the quick- thinking youngster - who's staying with Love while mom Frances Bean is honeymooning on the Icelandic Riviera with new hubby Wilmer Valderrama - calmly dialed 911 and administered CPR while waiting for an ambulance to arrive. Then, as she was being loaded in to a stretcher, the modest tyke delicately covered his granny's exposed bosom with a blanket. "You'd almost think he's done this before," said one impressed paramedic.


Parisopolous now
Paris Hilton III, grandaughter of the original post-millennial celubu-tard, was seen canoodling with Martian shipping heir Spiros Kyripoulos at the exclusive club Pancake in the Siliconpacking District.
"He's so hot," said Hilton Sr., back in the news because of her "One Night in Uranus" sex tape. "And Mars is so hot. The lava. It burns."
Hilton Sr. arrived with the newly refriended Nicole Richie, now just a feeble 32-pound head and the new face of Loréal.
The two are starring on "The Severely Simple Life of the Clinically Brain Dead 27," where they have to follow shiny objects with their eyes. The objects also make noises.
Richie really did look fantastic.
Hilton III glided in on her Maybach Segway and stayed only long enough to exchange smooches with the space-hunk before she had to catch a shuttle to Jayoncé's Sweet 16.
Our spy reports that daddy Z will be performing for his booty-ful daughter - coming out of retirement for the 17th time this year.


Red-faced Barron
RIGHT after being told "you're fired" by Sunglass Hut, Barron Trump's aggressive courtship of Violet Affleck screeched to a halt when the well-coiffed kid's AMEX card got shredded at Bungalow 12.
Apparently the elder Trump hadn't told his heir that he'd mortgaged Barron's entire portfolio and tapped out his son's credit to make payroll at the Taj, the fading Trump empire's sole real estate holding.
Donald, meanwhile, eagerly awaits the birth of his ninth child, Jesus Christ, by the loins of his Pakistani supermodel wife. His previous wife, Melania, was rendered immobile by a severely incapacitating Botox accident. Doctors say she swallowed yesterday - a good sign.


We hear...
THAT Jennifer Aniston insists she really is fine, definitely hopes to start a family this year ... THAT Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen will enter their junior year at NYU in the fall ... THAT Derek Jeter IX, clone shortstop, making out with Miss Intergalactic after the Philadelphia Yankees' win over the Mexico City Marlins . . . THAT writers Raakhee Mirchandani, Eric Torbenson, Chris Erikson, Michael Kane, Mandy Stadtmiller, Maureen Callahan, Billy Heller and comedians Susie Felber, William K. Scurry III, Christian Finnegan, Andy Borowitz, Anthony DeVito and Leslie Gold put this page together.
http://www.nypost.com/entertainment/67279.htm

  Reply With Quote
 
20-04-2006
  2
Fashionably Late
 
cosmogrl5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Charlotte
Gender: femme
Posts: 6,539
That was GREAT!!! The sick thing is that much of it could be true!! That picture of "Suri" could totally be what she ends up looking like too...for her sake, I hope not!

  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  3
rising star
 
boho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Gender: femme
Posts: 148
LMAO this was hilarious, I'm still trying to read it, I can't read a few lines without stopping and cracking up.

__________________
``I wear my sort of clothes to save me the trouble of deciding which clothes to wear.``
-Katharine Hepburn
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  4
V.I.P.
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Gender: femme
Posts: 5,773
Fun read! Thanks!

__________________
"Because of all sorts of cloth have their motions, as well as Bodies, it must needs that they differ in themselves." -Lomazzo
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  5
JEM
rising star
 
JEM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 129
Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

__________________
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  6
fashion icon
 
oanadobre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Bucharest, Romania
Gender: femme
Posts: 3,107
Excellent!

__________________
Gone till December
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  7
Soviet Camaro
 
tangerine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Barbary Coast
Gender: homme
Posts: 16,405
I can barely see the screen through tears of laughter...

__________________
after all, it was you and me
Status: Online
 
Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  8
front row
 
cocomonkey4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Gender: femme
Posts: 468
oh wow, that is almost too realistic for comfort!!!!
hahaha, the obsession with pop culture and celebrities will probably be even worse by then.
How Paris Hilton managed to have a grand child in 20 years still amazes me.

  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  9
go red sox
 
peacelover142002's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Undisclosed
Gender: femme
Posts: 7,524
Hilarious!

__________________
watercolors. riveting nonfiction. noodles.
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  10
backstage pass
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Antwerp
Gender: femme
Posts: 864
Quote:
Katie Holmes was silent, as she has been for the past two decades.


The whole thing is hilarious, thank you!

__________________
Anne-Marie van Dijk ~ Morgane Dubled ~ Anja Rubik ~ Andi Muise ~ Marie Fuema ~ Nataliya Piro
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  11
V.I.P.
 
pazzaperleborse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: under et tæppe med min eneste ene
Gender: femme
Posts: 6,122


Great POST JENNIKA and thanks & karma for sharing!

__________________
kom nu min liderlige lille djævel og vær min engel!"
"du skal ikke være bange. jeg bider ikke"~ Hr Spanky Pants
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  12
backstage pass
 
cyberfruit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Gender: femme
Posts: 740
And Mars is so hot. The lava. It burns.

Best quote ever.

  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  13
chaos reigns
 
ultramarine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Costa Rica
Gender: homme
Posts: 6,491
Oh-my-Gawd!

To perfect for words!

__________________
Have you rated this thread yet?
  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  14
rising star
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Orient
Gender: femme
Posts: 148
jennika, thanks for the read. it's too funny

  Reply With Quote
20-04-2006
  15
front row
 
ChanelAddicted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Montréal
Gender: femme
Posts: 439
Funny!

__________________
"I'm curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous."

My french makeup blog
  Reply With Quote
Reply
Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Tags
funny, future, page
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

monitoring_string = "058526dd2635cb6818386bfd373b82a4"


 
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:49 PM.
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
TheFashionSpot.com is a property of TotallyHer Media, LLC, an Evolve Media LLC company. ©2014 All rights reserved.