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12-10-2010
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White Oprah Has Some Competition

Proving that she's destined for the title of Pimp of 2010 at this year's Players Ball, Tish Cyrus posed for the paps outside of some restaurant in Toluca Lake, CA this morning with 10-year-old Noah Cyrus and that other one.

From Tish' battered weave which looks like it's been attacked by whatever the hell is living on Billy Ray's head to Miley Cyrus turning the colors of the wind grey with her footwear to EVERYTHING on Noah Cyrus, these pictures are several layers of NO. And then add another layer of NO on top of that for good measure.
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28-10-2010
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Achy Breaky Heart, Indeed: Billy Ray & Tish Cyrus Quit Each Other

Billy Ray Cyrus can now hump on that backyard possum without guilt, because he and his wife of 17 years Tish Cyrus have achy breaky broken up! Before Tish put on her favorite freakum dress to hit the clubs with Miley and Noah for some man wrasslin', she filed for divorce in Tennessee today. Cue Miley & Noah's cover of "Confessions of a Broken Heart."

Tish and Billy Ray released this statement to People:

"As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family. We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers."

Tish and Billy Ray have 5 chirruns together including Destiny Hope, Noah, Seabiscuit, Braison Chance and Brandi.

Well, on a positive note at least this means that Billy Ray and Tish aren't going to spawn out another one anymore. And who gets the ATM code to Miley's checking account in the divorce?
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29-10-2010
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This is reminding me of when Britney's parents split. Wasn't she about the same age Miley is now? I hope Miley can keep it together a bit better than Brit but they seem to have alot of similarities.

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13-12-2010
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Has anyone seen "the" video? It was on CNN a few nights ago.

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13-12-2010
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I've seen it and honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal. She was at a friend's house, obviously doing something naughty but I'm sure a lot of people out there have done something similar or worse. 'She just looked like she was having a bit of fun with her mates.

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13-12-2010
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Don't get it either. Be young have fun.

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13-12-2010
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She looked ridiculous....What was she talking about?

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14-12-2010
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Yeah i saw the video and i can't believe believe people are making such a big deal out of the whole situation. She's 18, I'm pretty sure almost everyones "hit the bog" at least once by that age. Plus, it seemed like she didn't even know what she was doing since someone in the background was telling her how to smoke it.

But how obvious was it that the girl filming was going to make that video public???
She was saying: "Tell us your thoughts girl, tell us whats on your mind." Probably trying to get her to say something stupid so that she could sell it for more/make her look bad.

 
26-02-2011
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Thursday, December 2nd 2010 Miley's iPhone Can't Be Tamed

Both AnythingDisney and ONTD have posted leaked photos of newly legal Miley Cyrus that were supposedly snatched from her iPhone in L.A. over the weekend. The pictures are of Miley just being Miley. You know, Miley making duck faces in her shoe closet, Miley making duck faces in a public bathroom and then Maybe Miley posing in nothing but an open flannel in front of a hotel room mirror. Yes, a flannel. Kurt Cobain just slapped Walt Disney up in heaven for this.

Miley reportedly took the naked picture in Madrid when she was 17. You can click here to see it along with some proof that it's most likely her if that's what you need this morning. The picture is censored, so you don't have to worry about Chris Hansen popping up between your legs or PedoBear sending you an Evite for his next show and tell party. I think.
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26-02-2011
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Miley Cyrus & Jeremy Piven Are Best Friends Forever

You'd think that Miley Cyrus' Ma's Roadhouse voice would prevent her from spending quality time with Jeremy Piven since it has the power to sand an old plug right out of a scalp, but the two have overcome this obstacle! Jeremy realized that he should make a friendship bracelet (out of fish bones and toupee hair) for Miley when the two bonded while filming So Undercover in New Orleans. Miley was just voted for the worst celebrity influence of 2010 for the second year in a row, so Jeremy better watch it before she completely corrupts his forever innocent as* ("Jeremy's as* isn't that innocent." - a traumatized butt plug).

While promoting one of his movies at Sundance last night, Jeremy told E! News that he thinks he's an 18-year-old girl trapped in a douchebag, "I think I must be an 18-year-old girl because we got along really well. It was just so much fun. I had so much fun with her and we had great chemistry. It was really really weird—we're like polar opposites. You know, you can judge her, but what were you doing when you were 18? She's kind of amazing. There's something so incredibly refreshing about someone who is exactly who they are. There's nothing pretentious about her. She's this force. She loves to laugh."

"She loves to laugh" is the G-rated translation for "She loves to hit the ****" I love to laugh too. You know, Jeremy has had so much 18-year-old girl DNA on his body that he probably is turning into one, which is why he feels so close to Miley. But seriously, Jeremy knows where the party's at. On a given night at the Cyrus house, you can find Billy Ray spraying moonshine from a keg at Tish during their family wet t-shirt contest while Noah plays Khia's "Been the shi*" on a banjo! Jeremy wants in! It's a shame that Doucheville isn't a foreign country, because if it was the Cyrus' could take him in as their exchange student.
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Last edited by Kenysha75; 26-02-2011 at 07:55 AM.
 
26-02-2011
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Billy Ray Cyrus Hates Hannah Montana

Billy Ray Cyrus wishes Mickey Mouse never butt birthed Hannah Montana. Billy Ray Cyrus knows that his parenting report card has a giant F in red on it. Billy Ray Cyrus doesn't put out his hands and collect an allowance check from Miley Cyrus every Friday afternoon. Billy Ray Cyrus feels a spiritual connection to the late Kurt Cobain and says that he was the only one who showed some support while the rest of the music industry laughed at that Achy Breaky Heart crap. Billy Ray Cyrus has a bomb shelter in his backyard. Billy Ray Cyrus could see the Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith tragedies coming a mile away and tried to contact both of them to help. Billy Ray Cyrus is dilapidated feed bag full of crazy. That's just some of the shi* that's covered in GQ's 6-page interview with Billy Ray Cyrus. Yes, I read the whole thing. Yes, it made me wish I was listening to Achy Break Heart at full volume instead.

GQ's piece portrays Billy Ray as a lonely and sad-like hillbilly who sits on the front porch of his Tennessee mansion petting at his pet possums head while deep thinking about how fame and fortune was the rusty nail shoved deep into the heart of his family. Billy Ray regrets ever letting his truck stop toddler daughter Miley do Hannah Montana ("DON'T WE ALL?!" - humanity).

Here's the Cliffs Notes version of the forever long southern WOE IS ME howl that Billy let out to GQ. This is like some "hillbilly Grey Gardens" shi*:

On Miley's name: "My intuition has told me that that little girl, her name should be Destiny Hope Cyrus, because I feel like it's her destiny to bring hope to the world.'"

On how he's not on Miley's payroll: "For the record, to set it straight, I want to tell you: I've never made a dime off of Miley. You got a lot of people have made percentages off of her. I'm proud to say to this day I've never made one commissioned dollar, or dime, off of my daughter."

On how "he'll take it" for Miley: "Every time something happened in Miley's career, every time the train went off the track, if you will—Vanity Fair,2 pole-dancing,3 whatever scandal it was—her people, or as they say in today's news, her handlers, every time they'd put me... 'Somebody's shooting at Miley! Put the old man up there!' Well, I took it, because I'm her daddy, and that's what daddies do. 'Okay, nail me to the cross, I'll take it....' All those people around, they used me every time. It became so obvious that, man, no matter what happens, they're going to put you up there and let you take the bullet."

On why he didn't go to her 18th barfday party: "You know why I didn't go? Because they were having it in a bar. It was wrong. It was for 21 years old and up. Once again all them people, they all wanted me to fly out so that then when all the bad press came they could say, 'Daddy endorsed this stuff....' I started realizing I'm being used. If I would have went out there I would have been right in the middle of all this stuff that's going on right now with the bong. They'd be hanging it on my as*. I had the common sense... I said, 'This whole thing's falling apart up there and they just want to blame all of this stuff on you again.' I'm staying out of it."

On how Miley's handlers told him to stay out of the bong video mini-scandal: "I didn't know what the footage was. They told me, 'it was none of my business.' I'm dealing with somebody that had only known my daughter for possibly four years, and I'm her daddy. I was pretty damn insulted. And I took that as the ultimate alarm. 'It's none of your business'! None of my business that you're out running around L.A. trying to buy kids' computers and phones because there's something about my daughter...?"

On how he now believes his parenting skills suck: "The business was driving a wedge between us. How many interviews did I give and say, 'You know what's important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids'? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, 'You don't need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.' Well, I'm the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, 'Enough is enough—it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere."

On how he thinks Miley is starting to sashay down the "Lindsay Lohan" part of the ho stroll: "I'm scared for her. She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she's 18, but I still feel like as her daddy I'd like to try to help. Take care of her just a little bit, to at least get her out of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm. Stop the insanity just for a minute.

On why his entire family got baptized when they moved to Hollywood: "It was Tish's idea. She said, 'We're going to be under attack, and we have to be strong in our faith and we're all going to be baptized...' And there, driving to work each day in the City of Angels, was this sign. A physical sign. It could have easily said 'You will now be attacked by Satan.' 'Entering this industry, you are now on the highway to darkness...' It's the way it is. There has always been a battle between good and evil. Always will be. You think, 'This is a chance to make family entertainment, bring families together...' and look what it's turned into."

On Hannah Montana: "Oh, it's huge—it destroyed my family. I'll tell you right now—the damn show destroyed my family. And I sit there and go, 'Yeah, you know what? Some gave all.' It is my motto, and guess what? I have to eat that one. I some-gave-all'd it all right. I some-gave-all'd it while everybody else was going to the bank. It's all sad."

On if he regrets Hannah Montana: "I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I'd erase it all in a second if I could."

Maybe I'm as naive as the pet possum who doesn't think Billy Ray is going to cut its froat and throw it on the barbecue for Tuesday night dinner, but I believe he knows and regrets turning his daughter out for fame and cash. Now if he'll only publicly voice his regrets for that dusty fuc*ing mullet on his head.

And that being said, I'm still slightly more interested in what's in that Taco Party Pack on the counter.
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Last edited by Kenysha75; 26-02-2011 at 08:00 AM.
 
26-02-2011
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^^ Jeremy Piven.

^ Even though Billy Ray seems sincere in his amends, I can still never forgive him for inflicting Achy Breaky Heart on us all.

 
09-03-2011
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Miley Cyrus As Justin Bieber

On last night's SNL, Miley Cyrus dragged it up to play Justin Bieber on The Miley Cyrus Show. Yes, this is the reason why the malls are empty, the movie theaters are bare and not one tween screech be heard on the streets. Millions of tweens are in the corner of their closets shaking and crying because their hormones are in a state of paralyzed confusion right now. They don't know whether they want to hump a pillow, come out to their parents or send a death Tweet to a fake Miley Cyrus Twitter account. Clip below:
But really, even though Miley's got Justin's Canadian gangster moves down, bitch looks nothing like him! They should've put a baby mask over her face instead of letting her go out with a Kardashian load of face paint. The Lesbeaver isn't Zac Efron! Ho looks like a butch Chipette or like a beaver dressed up as Mrs. Brady. I just hope Justin Bieber doesn't drop Pedolenza Gomez to date Miley Cyrus as Justin Bieber. That would be some "yodel for the four horsemen" shi*.

And if you need more of Miley on SNL, all the clips are here. Maybe it's because hangovers make me vulnerable, but I thought the show wasn't totally terrible! Miley is as irritating as an ingrown pubic hair, but the bitch sort of pulled it off.
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09-03-2011
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Miley Cyrus And Some Kings Of Leon Dude Are Text Dating

Reading the ingredients on a bottle of Wite-Out is more exciting than this piece of non-news, but let's do this anyway. Hollywood Life says Miley Cyrus and Jared Followill of Kings of Leon have been texting each other ever since they met at the EMAs last November. Miley is trying to keep Jared interested by not becoming a full blown barebacking sext slut just yet. And Jared keeps texting Miley back, because he's hoping to fulfill his fantasy of bumping on a creature who talks dirty to him in an itchy scratch voice. Yes, Jared is the one who gets the Freddy Krueger soundboard to say: "Eat this puss*, bitch."

A friend of Jared's tells HL, “Miley wants to keep Jared interested. She often sends him coy text messages. So far, he is a big fan of what she has been sending. He’s such a fan, in fact, he’s been bragging to his friends about her texts! “Jared loves showing off his texts from Miley. He thinks she’s very pretty and is excited she’s still flirting with him.”

We can all smell the duck saliva from here, so they should just fast-forward to the inevitable already. Miley will eventually send him a picture of her flashing undertit while making a duckface. Jared will then leak it to The National Enquirer for a little extra pomade money, and they'll publish it with the text: "MILEY REALLY CAN'T BE TAMED." On Walter Mercado's birthday, we're all future tellers.

And now for my "GET OFF MY LAWN" moment. All these stories about hos spending hours texting each other got me thinking about the old days. I remember when we didn't have the luxury of texting at our leisure for hours on end. We had to work for our conversations. Kids today just don't know how hard we had it. I nearly burned my ear off from talking for hours about nothing to my friend while my sister screamed at me for the phone and my mom used the operator to interrupt my call. Oh shi*, remember the classic emergency operator interruption? You knew your as* was in trouble when your mom pulled that shi*.

I wish I remember the last emergency interruption my mom made so that I could put it in my memory box. I'd put it right next to the memory of me calling my mom collect from a payphone and telling the operator that my name was "Michael Sears." That way my mom knew to pick me up in front of the Sears at the mall.

The spoiled brats of today need to know that if it wasn't for us wasting the operator's time with our stupid tricks, cell phones and call waiting would never exist!
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Last edited by Kenysha75; 09-03-2011 at 07:44 PM.
 
09-03-2011
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Don't Mess With Tish

Miley Cyrus and her mama je'e Tish Cyrus were leaving the California Chicken Cafe yesterday when a paparazzo nearly smacked the former in the head with his camera. If this pap did this to Billy Ray's mullet, Miley probably would've slow clapped and threw some dollar bills at the ho. But since he did it to her mom, she puffed her veneers and gave that dude a face full of her rage. Miley threatened to sing live into his ear hole or chew his lens off if he did it again. The beavers of Tennessee have that dude's name on their tails and they're watching. Fuc* with Tish and feel their wrath
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