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09-02-2007
  16
windowshopping
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Gender: homme
Posts: 4
Good day!
At the moment Im applying to several fashion management courses thhrough UCAS so ive allredy done my statement although im not sure about it. I agree that your 1st sentence should attract readers sttnetion to the statement. Could anyone plese read mine and tell their opinion if it good enough or not. Thank you in advance.
I love fashion because I think it is not only a popular item you wear at the moment. It is how different people want to be seen. Fashion is studying your customers psychology. Fashion is how current affairs that happen in the world or culture and art influences what we desire to buy next season. Fashion is also a fast-changing industry that depends on the tastes and choices of a customer.
Thats it. Thank you.

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11-02-2007
  17
V.I.P.
 
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Los Angeles
Gender: femme
Posts: 20,407
Welcome to tFS, Dino!

I like where you are going with this but it needs to be edited to say the same thing with fewer and more concise words. In fact... you actually said it yourself ... "your 1st sentence should attract readers sttnetion to the statement." (Oh, and dont' forget the spelling and grammer ... it has to be perfect!)

I'd suggest that you drop the "I love fashion because" and then say something like "Fashion is much more than what is popular to wear at the moment ... it is a reflection of the mood and direction of the people of the world." One sentance that wraps up your intial thought.

If you think it's necessary, start a new paragraph with a couple of sentances about what specifically infulences fashion and how it impacts people's lives. NO more than that. It's not a test ... it's a statement about you.

Then move on to what you need to say about yourself. Perhaps they might be looking for a sense of what you envision as your place in the fashion world, what your skills and talents are and how you can use them in you career. It is about your drive to succeed, your willingness to do the work to get there and your vision.

Good luck!

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11-02-2007
  18
scenester
 
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: London
Gender: homme
Posts: 99
^^^^^^^^^^
my art teacher told me "LOVE" is a word u never use in personal statement...
don't know y, but... there should be a good reason...

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11-02-2007
  19
rising star
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Gender: femme
Posts: 141
I used "love" in my personal statement for law schools and they ate it up. I don't think there are any rules as long as you don't sound derivative. "Love" might've worked in mine just because I was pretty colloquial the whole way through.

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12-02-2007
  20
windowshopping
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Gender: homme
Posts: 4
Good day! Thank you for a comment
Im just not sure if mine is good because i dont know how high their requirements are. At same time my teacher who advising studints but shes not specialising with fashion of course. So she says mine is good statement and they may not ask as much because im international student.
Basicaly I repeated word Fashion to make kind of an impact on reader that fashion is not only o clothes that we are wearing...
In next paragraphs I just wrote about my 1st management degree, and subjects ive learnt there... then why Ive chosen to study in uk... some of my hobbies...

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01-03-2007
  21
front row
 
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: england
Gender: femme
Posts: 336
i used a quote at the beginning of my personal statment and my tutors loved it because nobody else had done so

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