A Wake And A Funeral

[BabyJ]

So today I have to go to a wake and then tomorrow I have a funeral and I have no clue what to wear. A few years ago I would have been able to find all black with no problem at all but now I have added so much colour to my closet that I just don't know.

I have a nice dark brown pants suit for the funeral but it is a bit tight around the waist thanks to my gaining weight. No time to get it altered. And then I have a blue pant suit but its too loose thanks to losing weight.

I have a mid leg black skirt that I can pair with a dark top but the weather is going to be rainy and cold tomorrow for the funeral.

What would you wear and what is your opinion on wearing colour to these things, and by colour I don't mean hot pink and yellow.

 

[Luna]

I guess it's tradition to wear black... But dark colors are accepted. Just don't look like you came in off the street in your jeans and a pink T-shirt.

What about the skirt and pair of leggings and boots?

 

[jennifer~]

I wore a black pinstriped blazer, black knee-length skirt, black tights and black flats to my last funeral, if that gives you any ideas. Do you have a jacket to wear with the skirt, to keep you at least a little warmer? That's what I'd suggest...

 

[purplelucrezia]

I'd stick with the skirt, just to err on the safe side. Wear a coloured sweater with it maybe, but of a darker tone. Like deep maroon, or brown or dark purple maybe. Keep everything else black though, stockings, etc. Tie your hair back and keep the jewelry elegant and minimal. If you have it, I'd pair the outfit with fitted black jacket, maybe peacoat style.

 

[BabyJ]

Thanks for the ideas.

I am going to wear a black pant suit to the wake today, that outfit is already in my car waiting for it to be time to go.

I guess for tomorrow I will go ahed and try the black skirt. I'm not a fan of leggings. But I do have tall boots and a fitted black coat.

 

[Trista]

Usually a wake is less formal so colours would be more accepted-a funeral would probably be most traditional so blacks, navys, browns, etc. would work. And then there was the memorial for my grandpa where if you wore black you stuck out like a sore thumb-my cousin wore all white, my dad and uncle wore Tommy Bahama shirts, my aunt wore beige, my brother wore plaid, my mom wore a blue/green dress, and I wore a BRIGHT (hot pink to the next level) top with olive green pants.

So I guess it depends on the family-call ahead and ask about dress codes, if they are expecting all black or if colour is okay. Ask what they are wearing-if they are wearing black, then keep the colour to a minimum. If they are wearing colours, then wear colours but don't do what I did (I got away with it since I was family and the memorial was not about crying and shedding 259273tseg3 tears, but celebrating the life (and noting every quirk).

 

[softgrey]

what to wear...?
my great aunt (90 yrs old) passed away and the funeral and wake are this week...

we hardly ever talk about this kind of thing but it's a fact of life that we all have to deal with from time to time...

i've been to a LOT of them by now...

my mom recently found some black lace head scarves from "the old country" which used to belong to my grandmother...
very dolce and gabbanna...

i'm debating whether or not to wear one...
frankly...it seems appropriate...
she was a sicilian widow, after all...
and she always dressed sexy...all the way until the end...
i think that she'd totally appreciate it...

 

[fashionista-ta]

Then why not?


I don't think all black is necessary for any funeral, but I think the rules also all change when someone dies very late in life. At that point, you're really just celebrating their life. When my great-grandmother died at 96, my grandmother wore a slightly subdued (not bright) red with white star print silk dress to the funeral. When my grandfather died at 70, she definitely was mourning, and she wore a rust windowpane (I think with black and brown) two-piece dress to the funeral, and looked very dignified. He had totally nagged her to buy something new (he had cancer for years, so everything was planned to the nth degree), but she refused, and I do see her point now. Who wants to see something hanging in your closet and remember that you bought it for the occasion of a funeral? Much better to wear something you've worn for many different occasions.

 

[Melisande]

Then why not?
Who wants to see something hanging in your closet and remember that you bought it for the occasion of a funeral? Much better to wear something you've worn for many different occasions.

Very true!
It depends on the culture--in Japan only formal black would be tolerated, and children are expected to be in their school uniforms. A friend of mine who'd just gotten some flashy nail-art done had to wear gloves to cover it up. I've heard my mother and her friends talking about getting "Just-in-case-dresses" on sale, before they were actually needed, lol. I always wear enough dressy black to not have to worry about that.

Personally, if I'm not in Japan and I was very close to the person, another option is that I'd wear what she/he would have most appreciated.

Softie, I'm sorry for your loss...your great-aunt sounds like a fabulous lady! The black lace headdresses sound beautiful. Super-curious and would love to know how you'd style them!!!

 

[softgrey]

*thanks very much M...
I guess we never know which losses are going to hit us the hardest...


In the end it turned out that i was so upset by the loss that i was sick to my stomach and barely made it through the church service...
I couldn't even think about headgear...
plus, I didn't want to upstage her daughter, who is on the more conservative side...
though she purposely wore a sexy dress for the wake in honor of her mom~!

I will save them for my parents' funerals...no one can stop me then!


it was interesting that my whole family wore some variation of the same thing to the actual funeral...
black dresses or skirts, with some small ruffle or bow and a blazer...
all black...
very classic, very feminine and very tasteful...
it was very clear that we were all members of the same family with shared values...
that was interesting and cool...