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How to be a real beauty
Oliver James
Oliver James argues that Russian and Danish women are beautiful because they are not hung up about how others see them. And we ask two who should know ...
::nobreak: Do you want to be beautiful — or attractive? You’ve probably never thought about it, but there’s a big difference, with big implications. In essence, the beautiful want to please the person they see in the mirror, whereas the attractive see themselves through the eyes of others; the men they want to be desired by, the women they hope to inspire envy in.
The distinction was driven home to me in 2004 while touring the world to write a book about what I call the “affluenza virus”, the placing of a high value on money, possessions, appearances (physical or social) and fame.
Studies by the American psychologist Tim Kasser and colleagues in 14 countries show that people infected by this “virus” are at greater risk of developing mental illnesses. They also want to attract rather than be beautiful, are dominated by confected wants rather than true needs.
On my travels, I found that among the English-speaking societies (New Zealand, Australia, Singapore and New York), although there were variations on the theme, being attractive was much more the goal than beauty. But the opposite was true in Moscow and Copenhagen.
It seemed unimaginable that being sexy was not the goal of Muscovite women. I got the message only when it was spelt out to me by
Sonja, a 24-year-old Russian trainee executive in an American merchant bank; although she was so beautiful it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying. Six feet tall, slender yet full-breasted, her face was delicate-featured, with a snub nose. She had clear blue eyes and short blonde hair. Her clothing was plain, a pink cotton dress. Like virtually all the young women I had interviewed in Moscow, Sonja had read Helen Fielding’s book Bridget Jones’s Diary. She observed that Jones “only does her job to be able to buy the things she doesn’t have, which is not a good way to live — we don’t”.
But surely she and her friends shared Bridget’s worries about being attractive? “Personally, it’s not a problem to be slim. We are not obsessed with going to a gym. I knew a girl at university who constantly talked about going on a diet, but that’s unusual.”
Another beautiful Muscovite was Janna, 24. She wore a long flowery skirt, a white T-shirt and a grey, zip-up cardigan. When I asked about her clothes, she explained that since there were few chain stores in Moscow there was a greater variety of styles compared with Britain and the US, both of which she has visited. “Most of us like to make our own clothes or adapt ordinary purchases to create our own appearance. We’re more concerned with expressing ourselves than with being clothes horses for designers. We like to do it for fun or to invent something lovely-looking, but more for ourselves than for men; we don’t bother what men think, or women, come to that.”
Looking out of the taxi on the way into Copenhagen, a remarkable contrast with Moscow is instantly visible: the men seem more overtly desirable than the women, slim and well turned out, a nation of gentle Vikings. Not that there’s anything wrong with the women.
The most obvious difference is that the female form is less in evidence. I saw few skirts worn above the knee, even on teenagers, even on Saturday nights. Rather, they aspire to looking well-fed without being fat, wear natural-looking clothes and go for unaffected, simple designs that do not accentuate the body shape.
Helena, a 34-year-old housewife, explained the Danish ideal. “The fashion is for natural beauty. Perfect is not incredibly thin here. There are a few teenagers who don’t eat, but that’s not the main thing.”
It so happened that she had visited Russia recently. “The women were so beautiful, and coming back here you really noticed the difference. Our fashion designers produce different styles, much more relaxed. We aspire to a different kind of beauty, but that’s the goal.”
Studies, such as those by the Australian psychologist Shaun Saunders, suggest that it is far better for your mental health to be beauty-orientated like the Muscovites and Danes. Attraction-driven women are prone to an obsessive concern with their weight, a love of cosmetics, expensive brands and willing to countenance cosmetic surgery. They are also more likely to suffer depression and eating disorders.
Affluenza-infection, is greater among English-speaking nations, which is why we have twice as much mental illness as other Western Europeans. In a WHO study, nearly one quarter of English speakers had been ill in the past 12 months, compared with 11.5 per cent of mainland Western Europeans.
Women who seek beauty select clothes primarily because they like them, not because they are fashionable. They define for themselves what they like about their body’s shape, or their face, or hair, rather than feeling pressured to conform to a norm. And they are less likely to be mentally ill. They may be dissatisfied with aspects of themselves but their reason for wishing to change it is to look more like their own internally created notion of beauty rather than an externally generated norm of how to be “sexy” or “pretty” in the eyes of others.
That the Danish women are so much less preoccupied with being attractive contradicts the beliefs of evolutionary psychologists, nearly all of them male. For example, David Buss argues that prettiness is a genetic indicator of fecundity and of good home-making and mothering skills. The evolutionary ideologist’s woman looks after the children, sweeps the cave and keeps the home fires burning to cook the sabre-toothed tiger stew for when daddy gets home from his hunter-gathering. She will maximise her desirability to attract men with the best hunter-gatherer genes. In not playing up their secondary sexual characteristics by body-revealing clothes, the Danish women are going against their natures, according to evolutionists.
They base their claims on surveys of patterns of attraction around the world. Buss’s research in 37 nations found that women are attracted by wealthy, high-status, older men, whereas men everywhere seek nubility and do not care about the status or wealth of women.
However, two re-analyses of the 37-nation survey have shown that in societies where women can gain access to wealth and status through education and a career, they are less likely to be attracted by alpha mates. Denmark would seem to be a prime example of this: the women do not aspire to nubility; if anything, it is men who use appearance to attract women. The implication is clear: the next time you look in the mirror or try on clothes, concentrate on what pleases you, not anyone else. Stick at it and not only will you be beautiful, you will be vaccinated against the commonest mental illnesses.
The Dane
Iben Cannon, 32, a psychologist, has lived in England she was 17. Her husband is British, but regularly visits her home country.
Danish women are less concerned about their looks than their British counterparts and it is linked to their being more financially independent.
“Women’s liberation took off in Denmark in a profound, culture-defining way. Young Danish women are not sexualised at an early age. In Britain, gender stereotyping results in girls being taught to use their looks and sexuality as a commodity. In Denmark, children of both sexes play equally and this results in men seeing women as equals, but more importantly women knowing that they are equal to men.
“There is no glass ceiling and in Denmark childcare is more affordable so women can succeed without needing an alpha male to look after them. Danish women dress modestly and do not reveal as much skin as British women, but they are fashion-conscious. They are just more likely to choose fashions that suit them rather than wearing something because they are told it is fashionable.
“However, all the crazy slimming shows and programmes on how to look younger are starting to be copied in Denmark, but I suspect that Danish women will not let it affect them, they are very self-aware. They want to be respected and self-confident; that is how they define sexy.”
The Russian
Anna Harrison, 21, has a Russian mother, and lived in Moscow, which she visits frequently, until she was 10. She is a student at Oxford University.
“The average Russian woman does not have the same access to products or brands as a British woman, so they have to be more pragmatic about what they can achieve and perhaps this makes them appreciate what they have naturally. But I don’t think the Russian idea of beauty is that different from the American or British one.
“The Russian concept of what makes you beautiful is not really a cultural choice; it is defined by money. The people in Russia with lots of money spend ridiculous amounts to look good. They will buy the latest fashions and latch on to new trends in beauty and hair products, just like the British. Over there, it is not so much about looking attractive as using your physical appearance to show how wealthy you are.
“The Moscow-based cosmopolitan elite dress to impress. However, the majority of the population cannot afford designer labels, which is why they look the way they do.
“If they had the money I’m sure they’d buy into the “Americanised” ideal as much as anyone else. They wouldn’t be able to help it — it’s everywhere.
“I have Russian friends here who are less concerned about their appearance, and I myself don’t wear a lot of make-up or worry much about how I look. But that has more to do with wanting to be healthy on the inside rather than rejecting the Western idea of beauty.”
Interviews: Laura Deeley
Beauty
Source: Times Online UK
Oliver James
Oliver James argues that Russian and Danish women are beautiful because they are not hung up about how others see them. And we ask two who should know ...
::nobreak: Do you want to be beautiful — or attractive? You’ve probably never thought about it, but there’s a big difference, with big implications. In essence, the beautiful want to please the person they see in the mirror, whereas the attractive see themselves through the eyes of others; the men they want to be desired by, the women they hope to inspire envy in.
The distinction was driven home to me in 2004 while touring the world to write a book about what I call the “affluenza virus”, the placing of a high value on money, possessions, appearances (physical or social) and fame.
Studies by the American psychologist Tim Kasser and colleagues in 14 countries show that people infected by this “virus” are at greater risk of developing mental illnesses. They also want to attract rather than be beautiful, are dominated by confected wants rather than true needs.
On my travels, I found that among the English-speaking societies (New Zealand, Australia, Singapore and New York), although there were variations on the theme, being attractive was much more the goal than beauty. But the opposite was true in Moscow and Copenhagen.
It seemed unimaginable that being sexy was not the goal of Muscovite women. I got the message only when it was spelt out to me by
Sonja, a 24-year-old Russian trainee executive in an American merchant bank; although she was so beautiful it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying. Six feet tall, slender yet full-breasted, her face was delicate-featured, with a snub nose. She had clear blue eyes and short blonde hair. Her clothing was plain, a pink cotton dress. Like virtually all the young women I had interviewed in Moscow, Sonja had read Helen Fielding’s book Bridget Jones’s Diary. She observed that Jones “only does her job to be able to buy the things she doesn’t have, which is not a good way to live — we don’t”.
But surely she and her friends shared Bridget’s worries about being attractive? “Personally, it’s not a problem to be slim. We are not obsessed with going to a gym. I knew a girl at university who constantly talked about going on a diet, but that’s unusual.”
Another beautiful Muscovite was Janna, 24. She wore a long flowery skirt, a white T-shirt and a grey, zip-up cardigan. When I asked about her clothes, she explained that since there were few chain stores in Moscow there was a greater variety of styles compared with Britain and the US, both of which she has visited. “Most of us like to make our own clothes or adapt ordinary purchases to create our own appearance. We’re more concerned with expressing ourselves than with being clothes horses for designers. We like to do it for fun or to invent something lovely-looking, but more for ourselves than for men; we don’t bother what men think, or women, come to that.”
Looking out of the taxi on the way into Copenhagen, a remarkable contrast with Moscow is instantly visible: the men seem more overtly desirable than the women, slim and well turned out, a nation of gentle Vikings. Not that there’s anything wrong with the women.
The most obvious difference is that the female form is less in evidence. I saw few skirts worn above the knee, even on teenagers, even on Saturday nights. Rather, they aspire to looking well-fed without being fat, wear natural-looking clothes and go for unaffected, simple designs that do not accentuate the body shape.
Helena, a 34-year-old housewife, explained the Danish ideal. “The fashion is for natural beauty. Perfect is not incredibly thin here. There are a few teenagers who don’t eat, but that’s not the main thing.”
It so happened that she had visited Russia recently. “The women were so beautiful, and coming back here you really noticed the difference. Our fashion designers produce different styles, much more relaxed. We aspire to a different kind of beauty, but that’s the goal.”
Studies, such as those by the Australian psychologist Shaun Saunders, suggest that it is far better for your mental health to be beauty-orientated like the Muscovites and Danes. Attraction-driven women are prone to an obsessive concern with their weight, a love of cosmetics, expensive brands and willing to countenance cosmetic surgery. They are also more likely to suffer depression and eating disorders.
Affluenza-infection, is greater among English-speaking nations, which is why we have twice as much mental illness as other Western Europeans. In a WHO study, nearly one quarter of English speakers had been ill in the past 12 months, compared with 11.5 per cent of mainland Western Europeans.
Women who seek beauty select clothes primarily because they like them, not because they are fashionable. They define for themselves what they like about their body’s shape, or their face, or hair, rather than feeling pressured to conform to a norm. And they are less likely to be mentally ill. They may be dissatisfied with aspects of themselves but their reason for wishing to change it is to look more like their own internally created notion of beauty rather than an externally generated norm of how to be “sexy” or “pretty” in the eyes of others.
That the Danish women are so much less preoccupied with being attractive contradicts the beliefs of evolutionary psychologists, nearly all of them male. For example, David Buss argues that prettiness is a genetic indicator of fecundity and of good home-making and mothering skills. The evolutionary ideologist’s woman looks after the children, sweeps the cave and keeps the home fires burning to cook the sabre-toothed tiger stew for when daddy gets home from his hunter-gathering. She will maximise her desirability to attract men with the best hunter-gatherer genes. In not playing up their secondary sexual characteristics by body-revealing clothes, the Danish women are going against their natures, according to evolutionists.
They base their claims on surveys of patterns of attraction around the world. Buss’s research in 37 nations found that women are attracted by wealthy, high-status, older men, whereas men everywhere seek nubility and do not care about the status or wealth of women.
However, two re-analyses of the 37-nation survey have shown that in societies where women can gain access to wealth and status through education and a career, they are less likely to be attracted by alpha mates. Denmark would seem to be a prime example of this: the women do not aspire to nubility; if anything, it is men who use appearance to attract women. The implication is clear: the next time you look in the mirror or try on clothes, concentrate on what pleases you, not anyone else. Stick at it and not only will you be beautiful, you will be vaccinated against the commonest mental illnesses.
Iben Cannon, 32, a psychologist, has lived in England she was 17. Her husband is British, but regularly visits her home country.
Danish women are less concerned about their looks than their British counterparts and it is linked to their being more financially independent.
“Women’s liberation took off in Denmark in a profound, culture-defining way. Young Danish women are not sexualised at an early age. In Britain, gender stereotyping results in girls being taught to use their looks and sexuality as a commodity. In Denmark, children of both sexes play equally and this results in men seeing women as equals, but more importantly women knowing that they are equal to men.
“There is no glass ceiling and in Denmark childcare is more affordable so women can succeed without needing an alpha male to look after them. Danish women dress modestly and do not reveal as much skin as British women, but they are fashion-conscious. They are just more likely to choose fashions that suit them rather than wearing something because they are told it is fashionable.
“However, all the crazy slimming shows and programmes on how to look younger are starting to be copied in Denmark, but I suspect that Danish women will not let it affect them, they are very self-aware. They want to be respected and self-confident; that is how they define sexy.”
The Russian
Anna Harrison, 21, has a Russian mother, and lived in Moscow, which she visits frequently, until she was 10. She is a student at Oxford University.
“The average Russian woman does not have the same access to products or brands as a British woman, so they have to be more pragmatic about what they can achieve and perhaps this makes them appreciate what they have naturally. But I don’t think the Russian idea of beauty is that different from the American or British one.
“The Russian concept of what makes you beautiful is not really a cultural choice; it is defined by money. The people in Russia with lots of money spend ridiculous amounts to look good. They will buy the latest fashions and latch on to new trends in beauty and hair products, just like the British. Over there, it is not so much about looking attractive as using your physical appearance to show how wealthy you are.
“The Moscow-based cosmopolitan elite dress to impress. However, the majority of the population cannot afford designer labels, which is why they look the way they do.
“If they had the money I’m sure they’d buy into the “Americanised” ideal as much as anyone else. They wouldn’t be able to help it — it’s everywhere.
“I have Russian friends here who are less concerned about their appearance, and I myself don’t wear a lot of make-up or worry much about how I look. But that has more to do with wanting to be healthy on the inside rather than rejecting the Western idea of beauty.”
Interviews: Laura Deeley
Beauty
- Is an ideal of how you would like to look.
- Is based on your personal aesthetic, idiosyncratic, individual and developed from early childhood onwards.
- Is authentic, expressing your self.
- Is an ideal of what will attract men and make other women envious.
- Is based on what pleased parents and school peers, in the first instance, and subsequently, what mass media have pressurised you to want. It confuses consumer choices with true uniqueness.
- Is inauthentic, reflecting false selves confected by others.
Source: Times Online UK
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