Keeping Up With Lindsay #2 (please put all Lohan news here)

[Kenysha75]

Lindsay Lohan Is Wanted

Somebody actually wants Lindsay Lohan, and that somebody is Judge Marsha Revel in Los Angeles. Judge Marsha just issued a bench warrant for LiLo's arrest, because she failed to show up to court this morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo's lawyer tried to argue that she couldn't make it to court today because Michael Lohan's hired ninjas ate her passport so she couldn't get on a flight from France to California. Or something like that.

The judge threw LiLo's excuse into the trash and issued a warrant for her arrest. The judge said LiLo can post $100,000 bail if she wears a SCRAM bracelet, doesn't drink any of the sweet nectar and submits to random drug testing at least once a week. When LiLo's lawyer continued to whine about the decision, the judge explained that her client could've easily gotten a new passport and made it to the hearing in time. The judge added that LiLo has a history of not showing up to scheduled hearings.

Judge Marsha just dropped a "b*tch Boom Bye" on Lindsay's head! By the way, it helps if you picture Judge Marsha as Marsha Warfield. Actually, most things are better if you picture them as Marsha Warfield.

This is going to be good. Thinks about all the excuses she's going to come up with when her SCRAM bracelet goes off or when her drug tests come back positive! "My not father snuck into my room while I was sleeping and gave my SCRAM bracelet a hand job to start screaming!" "My not father poured meth into my bottles of fake tanner."

And now LiLo can finally wear her 6126 leggings with a built-in-pouch for a SCRAM bracelet.

Here's LiLo walking the plank in Cannes late last night.
dlisted

 

[CherryBomb01]

Serves her bloody right, time is up girlfriend!!!
Yet....I still can't picture her getting arrested when she lands back in LA. She always manages to evade any kind of accountability so this will interesting WHEN it does happen. No doubt she will revert back to the "poor little child, I want my Mummy act". Both her and Dina love that role when it's convenient.

 

[Boomer]

It's not too early to start working on the details of Lindsay's new life...Now- Paris has to be the trailblazer in this, so here's a prison style statement- guaranteed to be a hit with the girls in the lunchroom (and the shower...)
(Even though the skirt is kind of long for Lindsay...)

We also need to address the decor in her cell, velvet drapes would be nice, and of course sorting out the all important 'cellmate' issue....

 

[Boomer]

RATS!! We never get to have any fun anymore...

Alas, the Drama Llama will go without any supercharged celebrity fodder Friday morning.
Dreams of gossipy goodness (it's embarrassing, but we were imagining a waifish, shocked, sunglasses-wearing Lindsay Lohan slammed onto a preferably vintage cop car and cuffed as soon as she landed on Los Angeles soil) were dashed Thursday afternoon after her representatives made bail on her behalf, short-circuiting the bench warrant for her arrest issued earlier in the day.
The judge said at the time that LiLo could stay out of jail on bail until her court date -- as long as the actress avoids alcohol, wears a SCRAM bracelet and agrees to submit to random drug testing. So, yeah, cool. TMZ says Lohan and her lawyer are due in court at 8:30 a.m. Monday to set a date for the probation violation hearing.
As L.A. Now reports it, the judge had a notion that Lohan should have left just a leetle wiggle room to get home from France in time for court -- or perhaps should have skipped the Cannes jaunt entirely.
Now, if that's not crazy talk right there, who knows what is.
If by "crazy talk" you mean common sense, that is.

From the LA Times

 

[Over the Sea]

I can't help but feel bad for her even though she has brought it on herself

 

[sethii]

When will she start to wear the alcohol monitoring device? She won't be able to leave LA now will she? Otherwise she could miss a random d*** test.

 

[Boomer]

^Those devices are notoriously unreliable- they go off at random times, like day and night (especially night)...I'm sure the judge wouldn't pay any attention, and Michael has already, no doubt, bribed the lab where the d**g test is taken to give a false positive...And I'm sure Lindsay has work to do checking out clubs here and there- so the judge has to take all of these things into consideration-

 

[shoesexy]

Judge once again fails her responsibility ... amazing incompetence.

 

[jun3machina]

wow. who the f*ck paid the bail??? Lilo's broke, non?

 

[Over the Sea]

source: JDujour.com
I found her passport

 

[*Isobel*]

hahahaha!

 

[CherryBomb01]

source: JDujour.com
I found her passport

HILARIOUS!!!!

 

[McClaire]

people mags little blurp about Lindsay.

Lindsay Lohan won't have to fear an arrest when she returns to Los Angeles from the Cannes Film Festival.

The court lifted an arrest warrant Thursday that was issued against the actress just hours earlier after she pulled a no-show for a progress review hearing, a court clerk confirms to PEOPLE.

The actress, 23, posted $100,000 bail, paying a bail bondsman $10,000 for the bond, to ensure her appearance at a new hearing date set for Monday morning.

Earlier in the day, Lohan's attorney Shawn Chapman Holley told Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel that her client's passport was stolen while at the film festival, but Revel rejected that as a valid excuse and issued the warrant.

Lohan will likely be ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet and subject to weekly drug tests upon her return, a court spokesman said.

The actress, who may be in violation of probation for not adhering to the judge's orders regarding alcohol-education class attendance, could be facing up to six months in jail.

peoplemag.com

 

[yogini108]

ugggghhhh...thats pretty much the only thought i have when i come in here but i cant look away!

 

[Kenysha75]

Guess Won't Be Getting Arrested Tomorrow?

Cancel the parade from LAX to the jail house, because Lindsay Lohan will not be put into handcuffs when she flies into Los Angeles tomorrow afternoon from France. The arrest warrant shoved between LiLo's as* cheeks has been lifted, because she paid 10% of her $100,000 bail.

Earlier today, Judge Marsha Revel issued a bench warrant for LiLo's arrest and set her bail at $100,000 after she didn't show up to court.

Right after the judge dropped her gavel, White Oprah shook a few coins out of her cooch (there were a few lodged up there from the old days), stole one of Nana Lohan's social security checks and sold Ali Lohan into white slavery so that she could pay $10,000 to secure LiLo's bond.

You shouldn't completely throw away your dream of a pap getting a picture of Lindsay Lohan bawling like a Wonky while being taken away in a squad car, because she still has to show up to court on Monday morning with her lawyer. If she doesn't, she could be arrested. So you know what to wish right before you blow some random dude in the bathroom of a bar this weekend. Yes, you should always make a wish before you blow anything. Know this!
dlisted

 

[Boomer]

wow. who the f*ck paid the bail??? Lilo's broke, non?

No doubt some guy named Tony from Jersey City...He says he and Lindsay might, you know, go out...they told him she'd be, like, really appreciative for his help...

 

[misspistol]

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/47104927.html
Lohan pictured next to a very dirty table. Look at it, caked with perfect little lines of dust...

 

[Boomer]

^ I bet Michael flew into Cannes, put that dust there and snuck out- just so that people would talk against his daughter....

 

[Boomer]

Even E! Onine has figured out who the real culprit is!!
Was Lindsay Lohan Set Up?
Occasional fashion headwear aside, Lindsay Lohan doesn't look like Axl Rose.
But the actress-turned-cautionary tale sure thinks like the Guns N' Roses rocker. At least when it comes to theories of the conspiracy kind.
Just guess what Lohan thinks really happened to her missing passport.
Yup, she thinks her father-foe, Michael Lohan, took it. Or, rather, as she said in an email today to UsMagazine.com, "I always said my father had someone do it."
The actress apparently did not elaborate, so we'd like to. We're currently imagining Michael Lohan placing a call to Jean Reno, or, more likely, an incredible Jean Reno simulation, and asking how much it would cost to make a certain document disappear.
We're further imagining the fake Jean Reno bumping into Lindsay Lohan at the airport in Cannes, asking for directions to the Eiffel Tower, and—voila!—walking away with the ultimate star souvenir.
For the big finish, we're seeing a distraught Lindsay Lohan stranded in France with no way of getting to court in time, and nothing but yacht parties to go to in the meantime, while, back in the states, Michael Lohan opens a Fed-Ex package, takes out his daughter's passport, and relishes in a puppet-master's job well done.
Michael Lohan attorney Lisa Bloom totally ruined our little story, if not our potential screenplay deal. As Bloom told E! News today: "He doesn't know anything about her passport."
Oh, and another thing, Lohan reportedly didn't report her passport as missing—or stolen—to French police.
This is all becoming about as clear as Chinese Democracy.

 

[Boomer]

When will she start to wear the alcohol monitoring device?

^ In 2007....!! I forgot the sartorial splendor of the Lindsay Ankle Bracelet (Copyright applied for)!!

Dailymail.com (From 2007)