The TV Quotes Thread!

[papa_levante]

I will always be a faithful TV viewer of "Whose Line is it Anyway"

Colin: I need a hammer.
Ryan: I knew he needed a hammer. He also needed a couple of nails and a good screw.

Colin: I let him think for a while 'cause I knew he had the answer. I knew it was a good answer, and he was going to tell it to me. 'Cause when you ask a question, you expect an answer. That's the way it works... question, answer, answer, question. If he gave the answer, I'd have to come up with the question. That would be Jeopardy. That's wrong.

Ryan: I love you, but I've had too many meatballs!

Drew: Things to say that will always start a fight.
Ryan: You guys wanna fight?

Colin: You notice why the floor's clean? It's because you all suck.


It's just randomness to many of you, surely. But ignore the context of the scene... this show is hilarious!

 

[julesrules815]

haha yeah i love the lines from a hat bit.

 

[fashionicon]

haha that show sounds funny!

Glad you liked the quotes!

It's Always Sunny in Phildelphia

Charlie: "You got that script I wrote? Grab that script."
Dennis:" I've been meaning to speak to you about this. I can't read these words. They're not in the right order."
Charlie: "It's good."
Dennis:" I think you might be dyslexic bro. I'm not reading this."
Charlie: "No, no, no, no!"
Dennis: "I think you might be dyslexic."
Charlie: "Just read it once!"
Dennis: "Ok... you want me to read the script?"
Charlie: "Yes... and action!"
Dennis:" I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot. What? Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The Democratic vote is the right thing to do Philadelphia, so do." This doesn't make any sense! "
Charlie: "Alright... then just say whatever you want."

Drug Dealer: "What you need?"
Dennis: "Uh, one, please."
Drug Dealer: "One what?"
Dennis: "Uh... one rock of crack."
Dee: "One crack..."
Dennis:" A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough? I don't..."
Dee: "Uh... how much would you recommend for a first-time user?"


The Office

Dwight Schrute: "It's only Meredith."
Michael Scott: "Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something."
Dwight Schrute:" Hey... why did you do it?"
Michael Scott: "It was an accident."
Dwight Schrute: "Was she talking back?"
Michael Scott: "No"
Dwight Schrute: "You got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh, is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?"

Michael: "Kelly you are Hindu, which means that you beleive in Buddha."
Kelly: "That's the Buddhists"
Michael: "Uh..... are you sure about that?"
Kellly: "...............no."

 

[SweetFantasy]

Homer Simpson: Spider pig. Spider pig. Does what ever a spider pig does.

 

[julesrules815]

^^I am so watching that show now!!!!! I burst out laughing reading that script quote

 

[SweetFantasy]

hahaahaaha

 

[julesrules815]

I watched an epsiode last night called The Gang Gets Racist or something like that

 

[lola belle]

My current all-time favorite:

IT'S BRITNEY, b*tch.

 

[fashionicon]

I watched an epsiode last night called The Gang Gets Racist or something like that

That's the 1st episode!

The 3rd season just started, it's on Thursdays.

 

[VivaciousCohen]

The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner [9.5]

(Ross and Rachel are locked out of the apartment with Baby Emma inside) Rachel: Oh no! What if she jumps out of the crib! Ross: Yeah, she can barely lift her head up, but yeah, jump. Rachel: Did I leave the faucet running? Ross: Rachel, relax. You did not leave the faucet running. Rachel: I think I left the stove on! Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996! Rachel: Oh no! I left the window of the apartment open and a bird could get in! Ross: Hey, I think you're right! Listen! A pigeon-no, wait, an eagle-has flown into the apartment, landed on the stove and caught fire! Emma leaps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. Bird and baby are locked in a death grip swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment! Rachel: ...You are going to be sorry if that's true...

love it!!!

 

[Al3ksandra]

You wanna ruin a man? Show him what's really in his heart. The seeds of Destruction, Lust, Insecurity, Violence, Obession. People like to imagine they are seeing deamons, but the real demons, we know better.

-Point Pleasant-

 

[Al3ksandra]

My current all-time favorite:

IT'S BRITNEY, b*tch.

funny...i love it too, though

 

[Mary-Anne]

I`m going straight to hell.​

George Costanza, on Seinfeld.​

 

[Al3ksandra]

Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

SATC

 

[Candice89102]

"Is this because I wanted to submit us for the amazing race? Because I was 80% kidding."
-30 Rock

"What is that, gay humor?"
-Ellen

"I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b*tch."
-Family Guy

"First, do no harm. Easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world but the fact is, most of us do harm all the time. Sometimes even when we're trying to help, we do more harm than good. And then the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt is entirely up to you. We're left with a choice...Either you can let guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you in trouble in the first place, or learn from the guilt, and do your best to move on."
-Grey's Anatomy

"Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and that even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying."
-Grey's Anatomy

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."
-Grey's Anatomy

"All you people ever think about is how to get into somebody's pants. You nasty...that's why you got syphilis."
-Grey's Anatomy

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
-Sex and the City

"Hi, my name ith Alith Robinthon, and I'm the ambathador from Madagathcar. But you can call me Mrs. Lathy Fathe."
-Will and Grace

 

[MyNameIs]

Was reading trough Friends quotes on imdb and here are some of my favorites. Man I love that show.

[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe: Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

[to Ross]
Chandler: You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year.

Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?

Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
Monica: Wow, you - you worked in a mine?
Phoebe: No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?

Phoebe: Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer.

Phoebe: A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick.
Chandler: Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?
Phoebe: Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them.

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!

Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I've already seen one.

 

[ChloeFrancoise]

30 Rock

Jack Donaghy: "I was with Avery last night and I almost had a Nancy related incident."
Flashback to Jack and Avery getting intimate...
Avery Jessup: "Oh Jack!"
Jack Donaghy: "Oh Nan-... a..."
Avery Jessup: "What?"
Jack Donaghy: "I was saying on Nana... Have I not told you about my grandmother fetish?"

Tracy- "On Valentine's Day, Angie and I rent a room with a heart-shaped hot tub... and cook chili in it. Then we take it to a soup kitchen... And that's where it starts to get sexy..."

Drew: I'll have you know Liz that I'm in line for a hand transplant. There's this strangler who's about to be executed, and uh, I got my hooks crossed!

Kenneth: [on L.A.] Everyone there smiles creepily, all the time. And that's sort of my thing.

Carroll: [about Sully] You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That's what I do every day, not hit birds. Where's my ticket to the Grammys?

Liz: You can't force the fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won't take because your skin is too oily.

 

[ChloeFrancoise]

Arrested Development

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?

Tobias Fünke: No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist.
Buster: It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me.

Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?
Gob: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal.
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.

Tobias Fünke: So what are your plans for this evening?
Bob Loblaw: I thought that maybe I would stay in and work on my law blog.
Tobias Fünke: Ah, yes. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog". You, sir, are a mouthful.

George Bluth Sr.: You know what's risky? Lettin' your son go on that church thing.
Michael: Her name's Ann, Dad, and he's not "going" on her, okay?