contd.
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Read your town charter, boy. ?If food stuff should touch the ground, said food stuff shall be turned over to the village idiot? Since I don't see him around, start shoveling!
Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one ever found out about.
Simpson-Homer Simpson , he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. D'oh!
Solid waste! I could kiss you! Bleh! Ew! Yeech! Ooh! I think this was pizza!
Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world.
Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.
Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whats-his-name?
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
The lesson is : Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
The only danger is if they send us to that terrible planet of the apes.
The strong must protect the sweet.
There's a New Mexico?!?
They have the Internet on computers, now?
This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit.
This is absolutely the last funeral we ever take you kids to.
This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke : It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!
Movies are the only escape from the drudgery of work and family ... No offense.
I am sick of running away. Did 'brave heart' run away? Did 'payback' run away? (to Mel Gibson)
Just where do you think you are going, missy?(Lisa "ascending" into heaven)
Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the ... things? Uh ... the things.
A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.
I've got the presciption for you, Doctor ... another hot beef injection! ( Hands him a hot dog )
Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
Wait a minute. I'm a guy like me!
We monorail conductors are a crazy breed.
Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? ( for Bart to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper ).
Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.
Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!
Well, it's like the time that your cat Snowball got run over? Remember that, honey? Well, what I'm saying is all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazzman.
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr.X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't "Homer J. Simpson."
Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They taste as good as they look. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like catsup - it tastes like catsup. But brother, it ain't catsup!
We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays.
We're laughing with her, Marge. There's a big difference. Ha ha ha! ... with her.
What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me?
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
What the hey, I'll take the job.
What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces. Just know they're about to jab me with something.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.
Yes, honey ... Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.
Lisa, remember me as I am - filled with murderous rage. (y2k disaster)
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.
You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on EVERY CAR!
You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.
Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say ... This stinks!
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!
I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.'Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss. 'Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.
Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leah and as smart as Yoda.
Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose : it's how drunk you get.
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?
Marge send the kids to the neighbors. I'm coming home loaded.
Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.
Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.
Honey, I am not the catch that I appear to be. (in Las Vegas)
The only guys who were Hawaiian shirts are gay guys and big fat party animals.
Sweet Merciful Crap!
Lisa do I have my pants on?!
Excuse me Doctor, I think I know a little something about medicine.
Nacho, nacho man. I want to be a nacho man.
I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?
Hey, can you take the wheel for a second, I have to scratch my self in two places at once.
Ooh, a graduate student huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but can't make my shoes smell good?
Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.
Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!
Good Things don't end in "eum", they end in "Mania" or "Teria"
Carnies Built this country, the carnival part of it anyway.
The Alien has a sweet Heavenly Voice ... Like Urkle, And he appears every Friday night ... Like Urkle.
If god didn't want me to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.
I felt a surge of power, like god must feel, when he's holding a gun.
All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body.
My Bologna has a first name. It's H-O-M-E-R, my bologna has a second name. It's H-O-M-E-R.
This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete *** of myself.
Jesus, Alla, Buddha ... I love you all!
... and I'm not impressed easily ... VOW! a blue car!!!
Don't worry honey, daddy will fix that broken animal.
Hey, if you dont like it, go to Russia!
Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Hahahahaha, I'm so funny.
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy.
Man it feels good to get out of that car! Oooo go-karts, come on every body, let's go!
Maybe he is acting stupid to infiltrate an international gang of idiots. ( about a TV character named after him ).
Hmm ... Fabulous house ... Well-behaved kids ... Sisters-in-law dead ... Luxury Sedan ...WOOHOO! I hit the jackpot! Marge dear, would you kindly pass me a donut.
You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his *** on the line, and I'm not out of order!You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
I am 26 hours late for work. No time for Maggi.
Who is this? ... ugly nose ... liver spot ... liver spot ... liver spot ... liver spot ...
Is it normal to see Mr.Burn's face on a bowling ball?
I know what is going on here. They did it to Jesus. Now they are doing it to me.
Marge : Are you comparing yourself to our Lord?
Homer : Only in bowling ability.
Maggi, that was a perfect game. But you stepped a little over the line. So, I am taking off 5 points. ( Maggi at 295 in bowling ).
Kids are great, Appu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the internet and all.
Bart : Gee ... Sorry for being born.
Homer : I've been waiting for so long to hear that.
Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do!
FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN!
Ahhh ... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!
I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line some day from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world.
Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk.
Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, goodbye.
sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works ...
When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen.
Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement.