Cover pic:
Patrick Demarchelier
Article (preview
NEW YORK, N.Y.—Hilary Swank tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Leslie Bennetts that her soon-to-be ex-husband, Chad Lowe, had substance-abuse problems, but that he's been sober for three years. (The August issue of Vanity Fair hits newsstands in New York and Los Angeles on July 15 and nationally July 11.) "It's an enormous obstacle to overcome, and he's doing it. He's living a sober life. I know how difficult it is, and I'm really proud of his sobriety."
While Swank says that Lowe's problems did not directly cause their divorce, she tells Bennetts, "Would I say that his substance-abuse problem helped us? Absolutely not." Swank admits that if she had to attribute the breakup of her marriage to one particular thing, "I would say we grew apart.… But there's never one thing. It's an accumulation of things that make it slowly start to drift apart."
"I knew something was happening, but I didn't know what," she says, referring to Lowe's struggle. "When I found out, it was such a shock, because I never thought he'd keep something from me. And yet, on another level, it was a confirmation of something I was feeling that was keeping us from being completely solid."
When Bennetts asks if she really didn't know about Lowe's issues, Swank explains, "I didn't know the extent of his substance-abuse problem. It's a big surprise when you think you have an open dialogue. It hurt, mostly because he didn't think I'd understand that he was going through something so painful in his own life and he didn't let me in."
Swank tells Bennetts that she and Lowe worked hard over the last few years to try and build their trust back. "He's sober now, and obviously his use is not a problem in the relationship anymore," Swank says. "I don't want to make it seem like that's the sole reason [for their breakup]; there were other factors. But that just kind of blew it open; it made me look at things a lot deeper. That's when you realize it's not going to work—when you're being honest, and he's being honest, and it's just not working. Honesty was not bringing happiness. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings about it and understand everything I'm feeling."
Swank says that she definitely initiated the divorce, "but it ended up being mutual." She also acknowledges her share of the blame. "It takes two to make something work or not work. I'm a person with my own faults and troubles. I make mistakes; I'm not some squeaky-clean person here." Swank says, "In the end, it just didn't work, but I would never look back on this relationship as failed; I look at it as 13½ years of success."
Swank says her life is "a roller coaster right now.… It's the hardest thing I've ever done. There's no guidebook for this; there are no CliffsNotes. I run the gamut of emotions. It's just weird; one minute I'm frustrated, the next minute I'm angry, the next minute I'm sad, the next minute I'm scared. But I know I'm doing the right thing for myself."
Swank also discusses:
•Why she and Chad didn't have a family
"In hindsight, you realize why you didn't do it. Neither of us was ready. We had too many things we were working through. Because of our troubled pasts, I don't think we wanted to have a family until it was the right time and the right decision for both of us. I really want to have a family someday, but I'm certainly not going to rush into doing it."
•Why she is happy now
"When I told you I'm the happiest I've ever been, it's not because I'm getting a divorce.… It's because I'm living in truth now. My happiness has stemmed from being brutally honest with myself, facing the truth every single day, no matter how hard it is. It's not happiness like I got the Christmas present I wanted. It's that I've grown up; I've become a woman. I've spent a lot of my life running from my feelings. I'm not running from the truth now."
•Her pattern of taking care of everyone else
"My pattern is that I've taken care of everyone.… I took care of my mom; I took care of my dad; I took care of Chad. And I don't want to carry that anymore. It's a big habit to break, but in the end I sacrificed part of myself.… You just can't do that in life. You have one life. It's great to be able to have that realization, and to listen to yourself and do what's right.… It just fell right into my history with my father. It definitely made me aware of the depths of being a child and living with that, and how that's been a path for me. I really had to do a lot of work, to look at my past and what it made me feel like."
•Marriage and divorce
"Marriage is something we both took really seriously. It was devastating to Chad when his parents got divorced. On the other hand, I remember saying to my mom when I was seven years old, 'Just get divorced! You're unhappy. Why?' For me it was devastating that my parents stayed together so long, because then it was my responsibility to make my mom happy, and she was miserable. Instead of getting out of that situation, she was making herself unhappy. If you really do everything in your power to make something work, and it's not working, what are you going to do? Say 'I made a vow,' and just live with it for the rest of your life? These are all things I've been asking myself, because I'm a loyal person; when I commit to something, I commit to it. I believed in my marriage; I never, ever thought I would get a divorce. That's why I tried so hard to make it work. I went down every road possible. For me, this is something I've been living with for probably five years."
•Dating
"The thought of it—of that whole world—I can't imagine it! That is not a world I've even thought about entering. I can't imagine going out right now and trying to find someone else to be with. It seems like a scary place. I've been with Chad since I was 18 years old."
Patrick Demarchelier
Article (preview
NEW YORK, N.Y.—Hilary Swank tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Leslie Bennetts that her soon-to-be ex-husband, Chad Lowe, had substance-abuse problems, but that he's been sober for three years. (The August issue of Vanity Fair hits newsstands in New York and Los Angeles on July 15 and nationally July 11.) "It's an enormous obstacle to overcome, and he's doing it. He's living a sober life. I know how difficult it is, and I'm really proud of his sobriety."
While Swank says that Lowe's problems did not directly cause their divorce, she tells Bennetts, "Would I say that his substance-abuse problem helped us? Absolutely not." Swank admits that if she had to attribute the breakup of her marriage to one particular thing, "I would say we grew apart.… But there's never one thing. It's an accumulation of things that make it slowly start to drift apart."
"I knew something was happening, but I didn't know what," she says, referring to Lowe's struggle. "When I found out, it was such a shock, because I never thought he'd keep something from me. And yet, on another level, it was a confirmation of something I was feeling that was keeping us from being completely solid."
When Bennetts asks if she really didn't know about Lowe's issues, Swank explains, "I didn't know the extent of his substance-abuse problem. It's a big surprise when you think you have an open dialogue. It hurt, mostly because he didn't think I'd understand that he was going through something so painful in his own life and he didn't let me in."
Swank tells Bennetts that she and Lowe worked hard over the last few years to try and build their trust back. "He's sober now, and obviously his use is not a problem in the relationship anymore," Swank says. "I don't want to make it seem like that's the sole reason [for their breakup]; there were other factors. But that just kind of blew it open; it made me look at things a lot deeper. That's when you realize it's not going to work—when you're being honest, and he's being honest, and it's just not working. Honesty was not bringing happiness. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings about it and understand everything I'm feeling."
Swank says that she definitely initiated the divorce, "but it ended up being mutual." She also acknowledges her share of the blame. "It takes two to make something work or not work. I'm a person with my own faults and troubles. I make mistakes; I'm not some squeaky-clean person here." Swank says, "In the end, it just didn't work, but I would never look back on this relationship as failed; I look at it as 13½ years of success."
Swank says her life is "a roller coaster right now.… It's the hardest thing I've ever done. There's no guidebook for this; there are no CliffsNotes. I run the gamut of emotions. It's just weird; one minute I'm frustrated, the next minute I'm angry, the next minute I'm sad, the next minute I'm scared. But I know I'm doing the right thing for myself."
Swank also discusses:
•Why she and Chad didn't have a family
"In hindsight, you realize why you didn't do it. Neither of us was ready. We had too many things we were working through. Because of our troubled pasts, I don't think we wanted to have a family until it was the right time and the right decision for both of us. I really want to have a family someday, but I'm certainly not going to rush into doing it."
•Why she is happy now
"When I told you I'm the happiest I've ever been, it's not because I'm getting a divorce.… It's because I'm living in truth now. My happiness has stemmed from being brutally honest with myself, facing the truth every single day, no matter how hard it is. It's not happiness like I got the Christmas present I wanted. It's that I've grown up; I've become a woman. I've spent a lot of my life running from my feelings. I'm not running from the truth now."
•Her pattern of taking care of everyone else
"My pattern is that I've taken care of everyone.… I took care of my mom; I took care of my dad; I took care of Chad. And I don't want to carry that anymore. It's a big habit to break, but in the end I sacrificed part of myself.… You just can't do that in life. You have one life. It's great to be able to have that realization, and to listen to yourself and do what's right.… It just fell right into my history with my father. It definitely made me aware of the depths of being a child and living with that, and how that's been a path for me. I really had to do a lot of work, to look at my past and what it made me feel like."
•Marriage and divorce
"Marriage is something we both took really seriously. It was devastating to Chad when his parents got divorced. On the other hand, I remember saying to my mom when I was seven years old, 'Just get divorced! You're unhappy. Why?' For me it was devastating that my parents stayed together so long, because then it was my responsibility to make my mom happy, and she was miserable. Instead of getting out of that situation, she was making herself unhappy. If you really do everything in your power to make something work, and it's not working, what are you going to do? Say 'I made a vow,' and just live with it for the rest of your life? These are all things I've been asking myself, because I'm a loyal person; when I commit to something, I commit to it. I believed in my marriage; I never, ever thought I would get a divorce. That's why I tried so hard to make it work. I went down every road possible. For me, this is something I've been living with for probably five years."
•Dating
"The thought of it—of that whole world—I can't imagine it! That is not a world I've even thought about entering. I can't imagine going out right now and trying to find someone else to be with. It seems like a scary place. I've been with Chad since I was 18 years old."
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That is actually going to be the cover. 
Oh, well, I always tend to skip the celebrity article, anyhow.
