Hard to make this short, but I’ll try.
Now 34 years old. Discovered 3 times, age 16, 19 and 23. The last time in 2014. In 2016 I gave it a chance. I was 25 on my first trip. Im the only one from my mother agency that was booked by a top agency. (I dont say the place cause Im afraid someone can recognize, this is personal to me). Stay was to short, but I had 1 job.
I went to Milan after that stay. I hang out with a model friend from the same mother agency, and her booker called my ma and said he want me for the next season, cause I look amazing. So I went there the year after. Then sent home because no one was interested. Got another agency there. And it conitues like that. Then I got different agency in the other country again, went sent home because I didnt book enough, even if I booked 2. Then back to Milan. Back to this country. And back to Milan. Ive had 5 different agencies in Milan. I manage to get agencies, but not enough jobs.
I got an agency in Greece in 2022, at age 31. Booked my flight (you pay your own flight when going there), and then I got a message from my ma that one of them said «I didnt see that she is that tall, we cant have her» and I went so mad, because I paid my flight and couldnt cancel. I ended up going there. Then in 2023 I got another country again. My favourite place, but after 10 days I went sent home. That was it. I just feel Im not ment to be happy.
They see pictures of me, and I get so many agencies. I go there, they send me home because I dont book jobs. They blame it on my hight. Im 5’11 ft. But Ive met so many models that tall. But it feels like its different for me. And I started to hate my parents for it. I was made fun of during school because I was taller than all the boys, and everywhere I went people would ask how tall I am. I hated it. «But you have top model hight» someone said. So I consoled myself with that, something positive would come out from it. But no, my hight is actually TO TALL. I hate my body for growing those few cm more. It could stopped 2 cm before. I dont get why the other ones book jobs with that high. Do I just seem taller?
It is not that my dream is to become a model. But after my first trip, I went addicted. To the lifestyle. The changes. How you meet new people, and you have so much to tell when you go home. That was something I really lacked before. It made so much easier. But now, this is also closing. And Im going back to be depressed, because I have to explain people why I dont model. I find a way to say it to make it less embarrasing, but people still comment I should model. Even at work. My coworker, some customers, not long time ago: «why do you work here, you should model». Well thank you, but Im to tall, my hight is so special you cant see anything else with me. Or, I have this curse over me, Im not ment to be happy or succeed. It just feels like that.
My friend, which Ive been open about it to, asked if it can have something to do about the place Im from.
Im grown up in a isolated valley, far from everything. And I feel some kind of energy is just following me. Im careful about believing in things, but I just feel this a bit. Success is just not in the cards, and Im just a girl from a small isolated village, and people from places like this dont do big things in life.
I was bullied in my hometown. Now, Im not interested at all in my previous classmates. They live such boring lives (just my personal meaning), and stuck in the hometown. The modeling gave me something they could never have. They are even more interested in talking to me now.
But now, it is no interest in me. I feel I f*cked up to many times, because I am who I am. I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome in 2019. So one problem with me is that I’m not always this super happy energic person, and I struggle to trust people because I dont always know what to watch out for, while the others just seem to befriend so many everywhere they go. Im never someones closest friend. Even if I know them before, the two others will become more close when they meet. I hate myself for this, and I cant enjoy myself in any way because I know I failed, I have this desease, and Im going back to be just a person from a very small village…
Autocorrect might have happened. And you can always ask if something is unclear.
Now 34 years old. Discovered 3 times, age 16, 19 and 23. The last time in 2014. In 2016 I gave it a chance. I was 25 on my first trip. Im the only one from my mother agency that was booked by a top agency. (I dont say the place cause Im afraid someone can recognize, this is personal to me). Stay was to short, but I had 1 job.
I went to Milan after that stay. I hang out with a model friend from the same mother agency, and her booker called my ma and said he want me for the next season, cause I look amazing. So I went there the year after. Then sent home because no one was interested. Got another agency there. And it conitues like that. Then I got different agency in the other country again, went sent home because I didnt book enough, even if I booked 2. Then back to Milan. Back to this country. And back to Milan. Ive had 5 different agencies in Milan. I manage to get agencies, but not enough jobs.
I got an agency in Greece in 2022, at age 31. Booked my flight (you pay your own flight when going there), and then I got a message from my ma that one of them said «I didnt see that she is that tall, we cant have her» and I went so mad, because I paid my flight and couldnt cancel. I ended up going there. Then in 2023 I got another country again. My favourite place, but after 10 days I went sent home. That was it. I just feel Im not ment to be happy.
They see pictures of me, and I get so many agencies. I go there, they send me home because I dont book jobs. They blame it on my hight. Im 5’11 ft. But Ive met so many models that tall. But it feels like its different for me. And I started to hate my parents for it. I was made fun of during school because I was taller than all the boys, and everywhere I went people would ask how tall I am. I hated it. «But you have top model hight» someone said. So I consoled myself with that, something positive would come out from it. But no, my hight is actually TO TALL. I hate my body for growing those few cm more. It could stopped 2 cm before. I dont get why the other ones book jobs with that high. Do I just seem taller?
It is not that my dream is to become a model. But after my first trip, I went addicted. To the lifestyle. The changes. How you meet new people, and you have so much to tell when you go home. That was something I really lacked before. It made so much easier. But now, this is also closing. And Im going back to be depressed, because I have to explain people why I dont model. I find a way to say it to make it less embarrasing, but people still comment I should model. Even at work. My coworker, some customers, not long time ago: «why do you work here, you should model». Well thank you, but Im to tall, my hight is so special you cant see anything else with me. Or, I have this curse over me, Im not ment to be happy or succeed. It just feels like that.
My friend, which Ive been open about it to, asked if it can have something to do about the place Im from.
Im grown up in a isolated valley, far from everything. And I feel some kind of energy is just following me. Im careful about believing in things, but I just feel this a bit. Success is just not in the cards, and Im just a girl from a small isolated village, and people from places like this dont do big things in life.
I was bullied in my hometown. Now, Im not interested at all in my previous classmates. They live such boring lives (just my personal meaning), and stuck in the hometown. The modeling gave me something they could never have. They are even more interested in talking to me now.
But now, it is no interest in me. I feel I f*cked up to many times, because I am who I am. I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome in 2019. So one problem with me is that I’m not always this super happy energic person, and I struggle to trust people because I dont always know what to watch out for, while the others just seem to befriend so many everywhere they go. Im never someones closest friend. Even if I know them before, the two others will become more close when they meet. I hate myself for this, and I cant enjoy myself in any way because I know I failed, I have this desease, and Im going back to be just a person from a very small village…
Autocorrect might have happened. And you can always ask if something is unclear.
