RESIGNATION MINUS ONE : My only regret as Professor
For three years (June 2004 -September 2007) i worked as a Professor, setting up the new BA Fashion school at the University of Hertfordshire in Hatfield, UK.
It was a fantastic experience: i love teaching, i love demonstrating, i love ripping things up and stripping away all the sh*t that prevents art&design education from being useful or challenging.
I resigned TWICE.
In retrospect, my only real regret is that i did not resign THREE TIMES, or more accurately that i didn't resign prior to these two resignations.
I'll call this particular missed-opportunity: 'RESIGNATION MINUS ONE'.
As a Professor, it is expected of you to deliver an inaugural 'Professorial Lecture' in a theatre sized auditorium, in front of a large audience of invited students, industry guests, academics and university dignitaries.
This is usually a good opportunity to introduce the audience to your work/research, to justify your pedigree/pay grade, and to outline your vision for the future.
I delivered my Professorial Lecture in June 2006 to an audience of about 400, entitled "Against the Grain - Adventures in Creative Pattern Cutting".
It was set in three parts: a speech, a live cutting demonstration, and a finale with questions & answers.
This all took place against a video backdrop i edited, and you can see these 3 videos later on, further down this page.
But before you see the real Professorial Lecture, which was devised and written in 1996, i'd like to show you the first draft of the speech i wrote in June 2005, and fill in some of the blanks.
Firstly, public speaking COMPLETELY TERRIFIES ME.
I do it quite often, I regularly talk to groups of 50+ people, but every time before hand i feel like doing a runner or collapsing in a heap and playing dead!!
Up until the very second before i start talking, i feel completely out of control, my hearts racing, my palms are sweating, my breath becomes shallow, my stomach becomes tight, my head sometimes spins, my mouth becomes dry. But the second i start talking, everything evaporates in an instant, i see myself stumble into view from a slight distance, i hear my own words break the silence of anticipation as if they were someone elses words, and regardless of whether i make sense, or stutter or trip over my words, or forget what i'm saying, i just continue regardless, chatting away, talking my little heart out, until eventually either i exhaust myself, or someone in the audience dies.
Afterwards i have the most amazing adrenalin highs, as my body reals from the after shock.
As time goes on, i can see how people get addicted to this kind of hit, but the terror never entirely goes away.
So from the beginning of my Professorship i was always scared shitless about having to deliver a Professorial Lecture, and i quite probably built it up in my mind into something much more worrying than it ever needed to be. It's easier for me to see that now in retrospect, but at the time it was a very big deal, and i look back on the lecture i gave as being a very big achievement in my life in terms of overcoming my own personal fears of public speaking/performance.
Prior to giving my lecture, early in 2006, my mum died.
I had always hoped that she and my dad would sit in the audience to see their son in full academic combat, but unfortunately neither were able to be there. (Don't know what my dad's excuse for not being there was exactly, but my mum's was pretty water tight!)
At her funeral i read out a
Eulogy i'd written, feeling the same kind of intense terror at public speaking as i've always felt, but in that emotional moment my spoken words connected with the gravity of the situation, the audience were reduced to tears, and after that epic experience my Professorial Lecture became a real stroll in the park.
I had a picture of my mum sellotaped to the lectern from which i was reading during my lecture, in order to remind me of what really mattered to me, and help maintain a focus.
But the lecture i delivered in June 2006 was not the lecture i originally wrote for in June 2005.
Back in 2005 i'd been sleepless with worry thinking about the lecture i had to give, and about wanting to write something that really came from the heart.
At the time i was incredibly angry and frustrated by the utterly stupid manner in which education is managed and organized these days, and the way in which the university heads and academics 'quality control' (aka 'KILL') the subjects they flog to students.
One night i woke up in the early hours and banged out a speech in one go, written as i intended to perform it, as a public resignation speech.
Between writing this first speech and delivering the actual lecture (a period of 12 months) i changed track drastically: i decided rather than delivering a speech that attacked the system, and biting the hands of those who fed me, that instead i would look on the positive side at my own personal skills, and demonstrate IN PRACTICE how design can be used to help raise confidence through a DIY approach to making things, as a sort of 'antidote'.
The subject of my lecture was about 'CONFIDENCE', and my lecture became a symbolic 'hurdle' to jump over, in front of an assembled audience of spectators, to show that i too am still learning, honing my skills and striving to overcome my own personal fears.
But the first speech i wrote still very much holds true, and i am now going to release it for the first time, albeit on blogs on MySpaz & TFS rather than on a stage in an auditorium in front of a audience of students & academics:
Professorial Lecture, University of Hertfordshire, de Havilland Auditorium
(enter stage right)
I cannot trap my self in advertising either myself, this course, this university or education.
Standing up here on this stage, looking down on my students.
I see so many happy tired indifferent apathetic faces.
I cannot lie to you.
My mother & father and their parent's generation defined themselves through hard work and labor.
They paid for this docile work-shy generation, and continue to pay as our debts mount up.
Universities aren't the same as they used to be & nor is education.
They are machines for distributing diplomas.
What does the paperwork we distribute really confer?
What value is there in your studying here?
Universities are now an industry, they simulate industry, seek customers & funding competitively, cut overheads & teaching costs in drives to be more efficient, quality assess themselves to give value for money, advertise to increase revenue, partner themselves with industry to win grants, sponsorship, and government funding.
A university is a half-way house between (school) education and industry.
But they are also places where not enough real work happens.
Universities protect students from work, from the real world of labor.
In the fashion industry skill, hard work, determination and luck are all that matter.
The industry does not applaud students, it disrespects them.
And quite rightly so.
Because students aren't made for industry, not properly prepared for it. They spend their time at university wastefully, doing projects, essays, learning skills they only half understand, completely out of context from their true application.
The fashion industry views students as lazy, as unrealistic, as half-formed, they say you can't cut, that you can't sew, that you lack business awareness, that you're full-of-sh*t basically, and mistreat you for your pretense. Industry doesn't suffer pretense.
At university you are given timetables & deadlines & expected by minimum requirement to have a good stab at reaching them. If you partially fail, then you partially succeed at the task. If you fail almost completely then the grades go low enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Failure doesn't look good on the university's record.
I can't stand up here on this platform as a Professor and truthfully tell you that education is the route to success. That would be a lie.
Similarly I can't simply watch as universities pat themselves on the back for their success rates.
You students are wasting your time at university.
A degree certificate is now a valueless piece of paper.
And you parents are wasting their hard earned money paying for your education.
The industry doesn't need students with qualifications, it needs hard workers.
People who understand the job in hand, who dedicate themselves to getting the job done, who can make things that sell, who can innovate, understand the product & market, and have the motivation & drive to make things better.
The payback comes in a wage packet.
Workers change the world, students do not.
Do not be so naive as to think of yourselves as either revolutionaries or high achievers.
The assessment criteria on which you are being judged are the minimum requirements of success. On the borderline of adequacy.
If you want to be the best, and if you want to stand out from the crowd, and really leave your mark on the world: Then get out there into it and stop wasting time at university, train within it, learn from those who are the professionals.
Education encourages the worst characteristics in students: laziness & disengagement.
You'll enjoy a pint or WKD far more after a hard days work bought with your own money.
Lecturers & colleagues, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
You work in fear of losing your jobs, space, budgets, support staff, you drive up the numbers to meet your targets, making your lives miserable in the process, allowing yourselves to be trodden on by the administrators & business heads, regulated, pressurized, unable to teach effectively, complicit within a system that pretends to give qualifications equal to your own.
You are lying to this generation.
Telesales would be a more admirable occupation.
You should not be giving lectures to this generation on how to achieve success, when you are ill equipped to deliver on those pledges.
To my own students I lecture this:
For three years I have given you advice and support: some of you listened others have not.
The fashion industry needs workers, but only those prepared to dedicate themselves to it: who are prepared to work hard, push beyond the boundaries of the brief, and transform expectations. Success and fulfillment awaits the deserved few.
There are over 3000 fashion students graduating every year in the UK. Thousands will leave college with exactly the same meaningless qualification as you will: you are not special.
I give advice and training to students all over the world, and mentor designers in industry: you all have my number and I will always be available to you to give realistic advice for free.
It's up to you to make your future, to get up off your ***es and do something meaningful with your lives.
Education does not deliver that, it's something you have to find within yourselves.
You are not children now: You owe it to your parents and grand parents to make successes of your lives, and grab hold of responsibility for yourselves.
You are the future and the world is at your feet.
It is with great conviction and honor that I resign as your Professor.
I cannot work within a system I have no belief in.
I recommend you all leave too using the door provided.
(exit stage left)
('Resignation Minus One' written by Professor Julian Roberts, Monday 6th June 2005, 3.36am, copyright 2005)
The reason i am releasing this now is because:
inside the introductory speech part of the video of my actual Professorial Lecture (June 2006 version, video Part 1 of 3), there is a moments hesitation just after i say the words "I am as proud of this place and what we are achieving here, than anything I have ever done."
The look on my face is like this:
Every time i watch the video, i know that this expression hides a particular truth, and that as i surveyed the audience my face was unable to conceal what my real thoughts were, on the 'best work i have ever done', or indeed the 'best speech i ever written', as in that moments hesitant frown i am remembering quite clearly:
That my previous speech was actually the much better of the two!
Anyway, this has to be the longest introduction EVER to a video, so here are the links to my June 2006 Professorial lecture and Subtraction cutting demo... parts 1,2 & 3:
FOR BEST VIEWING I RECOMMEND ALLOWING THE VIDEOS TO FULLY LOAD BEFORE PRESSING PLAY:
Part 1 - The Speech
http://julianand.blip.tv/file/478015/
Part 2 - The Subtraction Cutting Demo
http://julianand.blip.tv/file/478307/
Part 3 - The Finale
http://julianand.blip.tv/file/479017/
Julian X
PS.
I've just UN-DESIGNED my website:
http://www.julianand.com