Doctoring the Red Carpet: We like Jessica Simpson as much the next person--especially if the next person is Us Weekly body-language expert Dr. Lillian Glass. Nick Lachey's split with Jessica seems to have shattered Dr. Glass, who criticizes Jessica's rival, Laguna Beach blonde Kristin Cavalleri, in a photo spread titled, "Is Kristin Stealing Jessica's Poses?" The mag slaps together parallel red carpet looks and harshly critiques Kristin for not being up to Jessica's level of paparazzi-luring expertise. Glass is the master of compare and contrast--and of dogging Kristin: "It's the same pose, but her elbow is straight and uncomfortable." Here's another dig: "She's trying to be sexy, whereas Jessica is sexy." In another side-by-side photo duel, Jessica's hand-on-heart pose outshines an "awkward" version by Kristin, where "her hand is on her clavicle, not her heart." Wow, who knew publicity-photo palm positions were so rigidly defined? Guess it's like under-rotating your triple-axel in skating or something. One thing's for certain--if the red carpet strut ever becomes an Olympic event, Jessica would definitely earn the gold medal. Especially if Dr. Glass is judging.