It's cliché, but now that she has grown older, she is more beautiful than ever. Still just as spontaneous and friendly, with a softer aura and a few charming wrinkles. At 39, Doutzen Kroes is once again one of the faces of Victoria's Secret after her much-discussed break, and has started taking on fashion gigs again. She closed the Chloé show in Paris in March. She now only picks the best opportunities and only on her own terms. She feels like she has been lived for too long.
"When people told me that, I used to think and say: no way, I control everything myself, but I realized that I have been completely lived. 'Professional' is what clients call it when you keep quiet and never complain. Even when you run into the cold in a bikini at -5 degrees Celsius, or wait in a bathrobe for a fitting at 2 in the morning for a show. Everyone could unload their creative ideas on me, photographers, stylists, makeup artists, but I was never heard. I was so done with that. As a model, I never had a voice, which is where my rebellion came from. Many years ago, in 2013, I tweeted 'save Palestine' when Palestine was completely bombed. I was furious - WTF is going on here! A major cosmetics company made me delete that tweet: my contract stated that I couldn't make political statements. Also, you never dare say no to an important client, for fear of not being booked again. I had to step out of that rat race, all the way back to zero."
Mo Karadag, owner of Platform Agency and her agent for twenty years, saw trouble coming. "After all the commotion during the pandemic, now that first big job for the scrutinized Victoria's Secret, I thought: here we go again, all the trouble starts anew. Some called Doutzen hypocritical, but the management of the American lingerie brand has been completely overhauled, and she never said she didn't want to work anymore. She wanted distance, had enough, even called the fashion world a corrupt gang - everyone was wrong. I had sleepless nights because of it, but it was apparently something she had to do to get to where she is now. Call it a tumultuous puberty at 36, happening in front of millions of people."
Mo and I have always been inseparable, says Doutzen at home in her stunning house in the Gooi, lined with poplar wood. However, their friendship was on the rocks during what she calls her 'teenage phase'. "We had opposite opinions. Mo tried to talk me out of it - 'You made your point, stop it' - and then to protect me, until he realized that I had to take on that self-destructive role. He let me go and then wrote me a beautiful letter: 'Doutzen, do you know how many people you have inspired just by being yourself. You don't have to do all of this.' But I didn't see it. I had nothing to be proud of, what had I achieved in my life? Just standing in front of the camera. I come from a Frisian Calvinist idealistic background. Saving the world, being good to nature and the community: that's ingrained in me. As a child, I was never allowed to shower for long. At our house, it wasn't about who was on the cover of Vogue, we had a subscription to Nature Conservation and the party magazine of the GreenLeft. I wore sweaters made of sheep's wool that my mother had knitted. If someone drove a big car, my parents had something to say about it. That's why I always wondered if I was doing it right because I wasn't saving lives. My father was proud, sometimes a bit too much in public, but especially for my mother, the saying was always: don't stand out. I always felt a layer of silent judgment from her. When I recently dared to tell her that, she was shocked; she wasn't aware of it. Being honest, that's how you come to beautiful healing processes. It's beautiful that I can share my pain with her now, without her feeling blame, and that we both keep growing. Tears roll down her cheeks. It won't be the last time during the conversation. The silence at the kitchen table is short but intense. she falls unexpectedly candid and vulnerable. She has sworn off Instagram, 'full of triggers and toxins'. The account still exists, but she has deleted the app from her phone and laptop. At home in this place, she is very secluded from the outside world, if she wants to be. From the road, the house is not visible, it is hidden behind a wooden gate. When that opens, you are overwhelmed by a feeling of wow. A Scandinavian high class house by Marc Koehler Architects, with lots of wood, large windows and interior by Nicemakers, in the middle of a wild English garden of 5000 square meters she has created and maintained herself. From every window, you only have views of nature. She works in it daily, as well as in the vegetable garden (ruined by slugs this season). The entrance to the vegetable garden is marked by an arch with two climbing roses, a housewarming gift from my father. We planted them together just a year before his death. Every time I walk through them, I think of him. There is a soccer and basketball court for the children and her husband, and a beehive and a natural swimming pond with frogs and fish for herself (the kids prefer the neighbor's swimming pool). The warm interior has a 70's Los Angeles feel, and the basement contains a man cave for Sunnery with his music studio.
As a fashion journalist, I have followed Doutzen Kroes' career for over 20 years. I remember when she was just a 17-year-old schoolgirl trying to break into the industry, facing rejection because she was considered too commercial and healthy-looking. Despite the challenges, she eventually became a top model, gracing the covers of prestigious magazines and working with renowned photographers. If you had something to sell, you had to go to Doutzen. At least, if you could reach her, because Mo and Sarah guarded Doutzen like pitbulls, who remained stoic under the flirting attempts of Leonardo DiCaprio. Until the evening before a shoot, you wouldn't know if a better option would come along for the model, causing it to fall through. If suddenly Mario Testino called, or I&V, or Steven Meisel, photographers who wouldn't get out of bed for less than an A-list. Nevertheless, in the first years of the existence of Vogue Netherlands, Doutzen appeared on the Vogue Netherlands cover 8 times - a guarantee for top sales. And then, during the Coronavirus period, she quickly went from national pride - after a few controversial posts on social media - to being called a conspiracy theorist. The laughing stock of gossip columns, talk shows, and serious media.
However, during the Covid-19 pandemic, Doutzen faced backlash for her controversial social media posts and found herself ostracized as a 'wappie'. Now, after a period of silence, she is ready to share her story and reflect on her journey. She opens up about her childhood struggles and how they have shaped her into the person she is today. By acknowledging her past and facing her traumas, Doutzen hopes to find healing and understanding. She wants to explain the reasons behind her 'rebellious' behavior and show that everyone deserves a second chance. Through honesty and vulnerability, Doutzen hopes to inspire others to confront their own struggles and embrace their true selves.
When did that childhood trauma come to the surface?
When my father passed away in 2022. He had been depressed and an alcoholic, a result of problems in his own childhood. That was always my thing, understanding the why of it all. When my mother told him she was pregnant with me, he started drinking. He thought he couldn't handle fatherhood. The first 6 months of my life, he didn't even see me because he was in rehab. I already felt a lot of tension in the womb and was in survival mode. My mother had to flee often because my father was aggressive. Not towards her, but he had the tendency to break things in the house. My pregnant mother would hide in the stable. She was already very conscious of me and would speak protectively to me in the womb, like, "Dear little baby, this situation is not your fault." That's the paradox I always felt: a lot of love and beautiful messages from two wonderful people, but at the same time, a really intense childhood filled with anger and sadness.
Was it ever cozy, on vacation for example?
Definitely, but vacations often ended in drama. Even during dinners, it was always thrilling. If someone dropped a knife too loudly on the table, my father could suddenly explode. If he wasn't drinking, things went well. Then he was simply a kind and wise man.
Despite everything, did your parents stay together?
Yes, until he told her he was moving out because he had someone else. As a daughter, I saw a mother who didn't set boundaries, and that affected me a lot. I'm grateful that I can now openly tell her, where a big part of my healing lies. Unconsciously, I protected myself for a long time from feeling anything, making the situation look prettier for the outside world. But the strange thing is: it was also occasionally really beautiful.
What was beautiful about it?
Where I grew up in Friesland, outside the village, very idyllic and rural. My father knew a wealthy family in Het Gooi. Sometimes he would look after their summer house by a lake where we could sail and swim, with friends. It was just paradise. But if it was then nice with my mother, sister, and friends, there was always fear too. What if dad comes home and who knows what mood he's in? Or then he would lie in bed all day with a migraine, and we all had to be very quiet.
What did you do as a child during those fights or tensions?
My sister would freeze, I became the "man" who stood by my mother's side and would fix everything, try to create harmony. That's why I'm oversensitive to tension; busy birthday parties are very intense for me. I'm constantly feeling out, sensing everyone's stress. Sunnery finds that very strange; he grew up in a large Surinamese family where the more people, the merrier. I even called the police because of my father. Then you were also the family spokesperson while still a teenager. That's obviously not right. And when your mother is sad, as a child, you don't want to be difficult. Because of that sense of responsibility, I missed out on my adolescence. Well, I can tell you: I've caught up on that now. I've let myself rebel a lot.
Son Phyllon (13) comes home from school. There are still pancakes from yesterday, says Doutzen. Mother and son speak Frisian back and forth, their resemblance is striking. How did her crisis affect the family? I'm very conscious about parenting; what am I passing on to my children? I feel responsible for breaking the cycle of tension and anger. I don't want them to feel a negative layer. How do my children perceive me as a mother? Am I emotionally stable enough? Am I present enough? How do I react to them? I have a lot of questions.
Seems exhausting.
Laughing generously: 'It's a lot, I'm super busy.'
Back to her childhood. There is a scientific term for it: parentification. When a child takes on the role of a parent when they are not emotionally or physically capable of caring for you. The child also becomes responsible for the parents' well-being. People can remain in that role until their parents' death. I've listened a lot to the Hungarian-Canadian doctor Gabor Maté. He has a vast knowledge of childhood trauma development and the lifelong consequences they have for physical and mental health. That's why a lot of things clicked for me, and I went on a journey of self-discovery, tracing my actions in specific situations step by step. Trauma healing; but first, you have to recognize and acknowledge the trauma within yourself. Awareness, accepting your triggers and where they come from.
We can say that the Corona measures were your trigger. How did Sunnery deal with it?
He just laughed about it. He has a completely different outlook on life and didn't worry as much. He would say, look outside, just take your dog for a walk, what's the problem? Then I would think, you just don't understand. I saw those measures as the beginning of something dangerous and I couldn't stay silent. There was this fear in me: we will all have to get that vaccine soon. I wanted to have the freedom to choose and got angry about the coercion. Especially for others, or rather: especially for those who couldn't afford to refuse and risk losing their job. Was that fear realistic? Not for me: I was safe and sheltered from the outside world. Why did I have to carry the burden of anger about vaccine coercion on my shoulders? Why did I have to speak up again? I spoke to a business owner once, I got angry because his business had to close. He looked at me and said, it will be okay. Then I thought, why am I angry because I want to save your business. Sunnery spoke to me. But I just really didn't understand him.'
Sunnery says: I knew what Doutzen meant; it came from a good place, but it was completely taken out of context. Of course, I get angry sometimes. I found some aspects of the political Covid situation really ridiculous. At one point, there was a chain reaction, it was quite intense, threatening letters send to our home and all. Then it subsided.'
Did you feel like you had to fix it for those 8 million followers on social media?
Well, I thought something was wrong, if I just say it then people will see it. Naive? Quite. The conviction that if you shout really loud, people will hear you.
The last straw was the video in which you thanked the Corona virus.
I wasn't the only one, many famous people posted the same video, including Oprah. I just forgot to explain it. I was also too early with it. Many people have since told me that they can now reflect on that period and see that it also brought some positive things. Of course, absolutely not for patients on ventilators in overcrowded hospitals, but for the time of rest and reflection that came with it, without social obligations. No flights, no smog, nature could heal. The media jumped on it eagerly: my head had to roll, because I was a model so obviously stupid, how dare I. Until then, everything was okay. I even had billboards all over Amsterdam with the slogan "Everybody Loves Doutzen" - I couldn't do anything wrong. Even when I spoke out against Black Pete on national television in 2011, I wasn't held accountable. But during Corona, I really messed up in the eyes of many for the first time, because I shook the foundations of society, the pharmaceutical industry, the media, and the government.
Do you regret it? Would you do it again?
No, I don't regret it, but I also don't feel the urge to stand up again. I'm focusing more on myself now than on the outside world. I still have a lot of work to do. I can feel it even in this interview, I still get triggered, I'm not there yet.
Has your attitude towards vaccinations changed?
No. I believe you should always have the freedom to choose in everything. The pharmaceutical industry is also a business model, which justifies being critical in my opinion. This doesn't mean I disapprove of the medical world and I'm not grateful for its existence. My critical approach stems from my upbringing. My parents, who have worked in healthcare their whole lives, also advocate for a holistic approach: take care of yourself, eat and live healthily, nature is the best healer. That's what I stand for. During the pandemic, I felt a lack of dialogue, but honestly, I wasn't ready for it myself back then. But none of the talk show guests were saying: what is Doutzen actually saying. No, I was immediately labeled as crazy.'
You got emotional again.
That's because I see the potential of how healthy we could all live together. Teach children at school the importance of good nutrition and exercise instead of teaching them that there's a remedy for everything. I just don't believe in that, only when absolutely necessary. I had an ectopic pregnancy; without hospitalization, I would have died, so I see the positive aspects of the medical world. But I don't just blindly accept everything.'
Have you considered leaving the Netherlands?
Not seriously. After a long flight, when I land here through the clouds in the mist, rain, and storm, I'm so glad to be back home. I feel connected to the Netherlands. See, I'm getting goosebumps. Escaping doesn't help; I just have to do it here. She still isn't proud of her career, she says. But she's grateful that she can now live her dream with this wonderful place for her family. I rebelled against the system for a while, now I understand that I have all of this thanks to the system. I'm becoming calmer and regaining trust in life, in people, in my work. All work-related communication now goes through Mo, I don't have to call agents anymore. They smell - understandably - money and want a lot of bookings. For years, I was a fantastic cash cow, but one with a Frisian mentality who suddenly ran away and thought: I'll go where I want to go. You know, while shooting the Body by Victoria campaign for Victoria's Secret, with Imaan H. and Lily A., I felt enthusiasm and joy for the first time in a long time. But I immediately thought: oh no, what will the other side think of this? because I was obviously hijacked by that 'conspiracy theory' side. I never called myself a conspiracy theorist, but there were two camps, and there was no nuance: you were either for all the measures, or crazy. There was one dominant narrative, and if you didn't buy into it, you were labeled crazy. When you talked to people on the street, there was much more humanity, more duality. That's the danger of the internet; there's a complete lack of nuance. The conspiracy theorists were scared of more control and no choice; the people against the conspiracy theorists were scared of the virus and thought: we won't get out of this because of you. I don't want to contribute to that division anymore, not belong anywhere, not feed into either side. My triggers are now an invitation to look within myself. I hope that in the future, I can contribute to unity and not division.
Do you still go to parties? Your party days seemed to have disappeared.
I was never a party crasher. At parties in New York, I wanted to leave after 5 minutes, after I had done my obligatory round of photos. Sunnery wanted to stay, good for connections he maintains worldwide, and I see how valuable that is, but that's just not me. If I'm not dragged out of the house, I'll never leave. I even forget birthdays. I'm just a hermit.
Yet there is an opening for more excitement in her life again. Two years ago, she walked the Alaiä show in Paris and met Creative Director Pieter Mulier: he asked her, and she felt like doing it, especially to give her daughter Myllena (10) - 'a very different type than me: loves fashion' - the chance to experience what her mom does for work from the front row.
Uh, you don't like fashion?
Well, I'm not someone who's very into it. I rarely buy designer clothes, but I have received a lot, which I keep sealed for Myllena. Will she become a model too? I have no idea, I think she might be more of an actress.
At Alaiä, with all the models backstage again as before, for the first time in a long time, there was enthusiasm for the job. And one thing led to another: a shoot for Victoria's Secret in a stunning location in Mexico, photographer Mert Alas' birthday party during PFW, an editorial for Vogue US/UK, two for the Italian D Repubblica. She just finished a three-day shoot in Amsterdam where she shines as the Dutch model icons with Imaan H. and Rianne van R. The foreign magazine that is, has to remain a secret until mid-September.
We stroll through the impressive garden, heading for the exit to open the gate, and Doutzen picks some dandelions. They multiply quickly, and you don't want them everywhere. She accepts the non-toxic snakes, 1 meter long, as the garden is only separated by a fence from the nature reserve where a wolf is occasionally spotted. As long as it stays away from her chickens, of which there are four. Orpingtons, those nice and chubby, orange English chickens - they are eight weeks old, so no eggs yet. Her family tries to live as healthily as possible. Although I try to find a balance in that. I also love sitting on the couch with my kids and eating fries. That's the only thing we can order here. A nice saoto, Surinamese soup, that's not available here. During the search for a house, we never thought we would end up here. A Frisian and a Surinamese in het Gooi, I thought that wouldn't fit. And here we are. I'm living my dream here. When the kids move out, I will also move out. Hopefully, Sunnery will then come with me to a large self-sufficient farm.
