Fashion Neurosis - Have You Experienced It?

[lucy92]

I live on the east coast and I recently attended a wedding near Los Angeles.

It wasn't the largest nor the most expensive wedding I've attended. I found myself shocked at how well everyone else was dressed.

Nearly every woman there was wearing heels with 4 inches plus on them. even the more middle aged invitees. I could discern quite a few runway designer items on the guests.

I asked myself "is it a west coast thing"? could it be that west coasters are better dressed on average than east coasters?

Finally, another invitee remarked to me that the wedding was unusually well dressed - the most well dressed she'd ever been to and my insecurities dissipated. it also helped that i remembered that the suggested retail price of whatever i was wearing was insane.

has anyone else had an instance of fashion insanity/anxiety like this?

 

[MulletProof]

I think it depends of what you consider well-dressed..

I can think of a few situations where everyone looked like they spent some good 3 hours in front of the mirror. Last year (August actually) I took the train from LA to San Diego and it was around the time of the Del Mar fair, I don't know what happens there but people from Huntington Beach decided to skip the traffic and go there by train. The train was soon packed with women in perfect tans, curls only professional hands can do, lots of New York designer dresses (Marc Jacobs, DVN, etc), high heels, hats (!).. botox.. I assume that would be considered fantastically dressed but I didn't feel one bit of anxiety really.. I did feel like I was in the wrong party but considering I don't see Lauren Conrad clones as remotely fashionable, I honestly craved the idea of going with your family to the racetracks by train and coming back the same way, but that's it, I was glad when they got off and stopped yelling in my ear...

Like I said, it depends.. the worst scenario I can imagine is having laundry day and ending up suddenly in a room surrounded by model-looking people dressed in Dries Van Noten, Vanessa Bruno, Demeulemeester, all my complexes coming to light .. I'd have so much anxiety, but again, I'm not sure it's 100% due to designers, more to looks, I experienced something similar a few times in South America... I remember this one time I was invited to a party by a Brazilian guy, so I decided to go and a friend tagged along, and because he said the dress code was 'fancy', my friend and I wore little black dresses, tights and heels and totally dedicated like 2 hours for hair and makeup, I was going for "elegant" (I think I even wore freakin' pearls!).. well.. when we got there, not only the place was full of mini Isabeli Fontanas and Giseles, all Brazilians (the guy should've been a hint ) and pathetically good-looking, without an inch of makeup, and shampoo-commercial hair, but they were dressed in t-shirt dresses and sandals, cut-offs, tshirts, converse.. it obviously didn't matter what they wore cause they knew they'd still look 100% better than you, and my friend and I, aside from not being Brazilian, were both dressed like we were trying to get a job.. at a bank .. I felt so annoyed that night but thankfully they were all cool people, we soon felt welcomed and happy and loved (a few drinks always help).

I guess I'm more threatened by good looks, the 'cool' factor than fashion per se.

 

[Fashionturnip]

I think its a general thing in society. More people have access to fashion and what is fashionable these days than they did 10 - 15 years ago. I always considered myself one of the more fashion concious/trendy males, these days 90% of guys are much better dressed than they used to be. Its hard to keep up lol

 

[jusska]

I'm sort of experiencing it now, what with all the awesome clothes in store (I just had a mini rant on my blog about it actually baha).
It comes and goes. I think it's particularly worse in summer because of all the "omg gimme!" colours and prints coming in. This is at a time when my fashion self-esteem has already been shot from dressing like a human marshmallow (minus the pretty pastel colours -more forest green and gross oranges) all winter.

 

[Razzer]

I have this but with glasses. I have worn them since i have been 1 and i wear them 24/7 except for obvious situations such as going to bed. Lots of people ask me weather i would wear contacts, and i say no as i have always worn glasses and then have become a central part of me and beyond my personal style. The thing that annoys me now is how popular glasses have become. So so many people are now wearing them and some people say i should be thankful at them being trendy, but i am not to be honest! I use to feel somewhat superior with my glasses a few years ago,as i was the only person at school who wore them. Fast forward now and there is loads of people at school and in my city, all with designer labels and cool hairstyles to match their frames!
The worst was when i went to a gig were Grimes was playing. i should have known there would have been a lot of hipsters there because her music is vey like in that vein, but i literally felt so bland. There were tons (no joke) with guys with glasses and i felt really anonymous. I would be intrigued to discover if anybody else here, who has worn glasses for nearly all the life, ever had this same feeling?

 

[LoveMyBoots]

I think I've been going through this type of fashion-related anxiety all season-long. I'm from the states but spending the summer in Buenos Aires, where it's actually winter time here. People are wearing their coats and boots and the majority of women appear very on-trend here. No one here walks to the grocery store in sweats (this must be just an American thing huh?) and almost everyone puts on a little makeup. The slightly more wealthy bunch to the very rich are always buying new leather boots. Everyone here though seems to wear some version of lace-up ankle boots and they can be seen in almost all the shoe shops, whereas in the states I would only find younger women wearing such a look.

I can completely relate to MulletProof in regards to looks versus style versus dress. Particularly though, I've been obsessed with hair. Both young school kids in uniforms and middle-aged women style very blunt but charming bangs á la Tavi. And if I ever go shopping in the neighborhood of Recoleta, the swankier, affluent part of the city—all the girls there are very, very model-like. They stand several inches above me and almost all wear their hair long, straight, blown-out, and slightly colored if not ombre. I find myself glaring at how healthy and styled their hair looks that I sometimes don't even notice what they're wearing.

Women definitely put more effort into the way they dress here but, unfortunately, clothes and shoes are ridiculously overpriced compared to the states. So, as much as I'm sometimes inspired by what I see, I rather wait to go back to the states to revamp my wardrobe. But, besides maybe a few shopping trips ahead of me, I've also realized that a really good hair-cut will suffice

 

[Melisande]

Hmm, I think it helps to be eccentric. I have my own eccentric style I pretty much abide by wherever I go, so I'm already different and comfortable with my fashion-identity by definition I've worked at refugee camps and hobnobbed at the hippest fashion-industry parties in the same outfit and never felt out of place!

That said, dress codes are a different problem though. (Mullet I hear your Brazilian pain.) Once I went to a charity ball at the French Embassy, and was TOLD (like you) that it would be a formal affair so I went in an amazing turqouise silk ballgown specially made for the occasion. The gentleman escorting me (who incidentally wore a tux) had the invite so I did not personally read what it said. Big mistake. When I got there, everyone else was in freaking street clothes. Like, sneakers and no ties, work wardrobe. I wanted to die. Or at least escape to les toilettes and stay all night. Luckily I never met any of the people again.

That was my worst fashion nightmare. Luckily it was when I was only 21, and I hope never to repeat such a scene again.

The level of spic-and-spanness is also a question for me. It feels pretty bad to be wearing old, dirtyish clothes or revealing clothes which are perfectly acceptable in Paris, among a pristine dainty conservative Tokyo population.

Moral of the story: It's really important to know what people wear in different cultures, and what dress codes mean what exactly, where. But then again, it's not worth fretting about, there are much more important things in life too

 

[fashionista-ta]

I have this but with glasses. I have worn them since i have been 1 and i wear them 24/7 except for obvious situations such as going to bed. Lots of people ask me weather i would wear contacts, and i say no as i have always worn glasses and then have become a central part of me and beyond my personal style. The thing that annoys me now is how popular glasses have become. So so many people are now wearing them and some people say i should be thankful at them being trendy, but i am not to be honest! I use to feel somewhat superior with my glasses a few years ago,as i was the only person at school who wore them. Fast forward now and there is loads of people at school and in my city, all with designer labels and cool hairstyles to match their frames!
The worst was when i went to a gig were Grimes was playing. i should have known there would have been a lot of hipsters there because her music is vey like in that vein, but i literally felt so bland. There were tons (no joke) with guys with glasses and i felt really anonymous. I would be intrigued to discover if anybody else here, who has worn glasses for nearly all the life, ever had this same feeling?

I hadn't really noticed glasses being trendy, but that explains a couple of things

I've been wearing glasses practically all my life, they're just a part of me now. I tried contacts, but really dislike them for multiple reasons. My advice is to never let yourself feel superior for any reason, and that way you will never have to come down a peg

Melisande, I have not been in a ballgown when others were in street clothes before, but from having to wear skirts as a child and teenager when others were in jeans, I became immune to discomfort from being overdressed. Being underdressed is the only thing that can bother me now

 

[Sophie66]

I was literally just talking about this with my boyfriend today. I have fashion neurosis all the time for loads of different reasons.

One of the reasons is because I am 25 and I'm sort of in a transitional period between dressing as creatively/'out there' as I did when I was younger and also realising I need to look more professional for work. A lot of my friends and my boyfriend are a bit younger so it is hard not to look like the 'uptight' one when we go out. My wardrobe sort of has a split personality and I am finding myself drawn to way too much black! Everything is turning black!

Another reason is I think fashion has become a lot more accessible to everyone in the last few years. Which in a way is a good thing...but it also dilutes it bit if that makes sense?!

When I was at school for instance it was an achievement and a lot more of an investment to dress well and follow trends. I coveted items, saved up for ages to buy them and often got teased by classmates who didn't 'get it'.

But nowadays fashion is mainstream because of the increase of blogs and the ready availability of high-street knock-offs. So the world and his wife 'loves fashion' and is rocking a dip dye haircut and some fake hipster glasses (I also genuinely need glasses and it bugs me too Razzer!! I have even had people coming upto me and asking if my glasses are '...fake -for a look' and I'm like 'No! I'm blind without them!')

It used to be that you could tell if someone was like-minded if you both went out on a limb and dressed a bit 'different', but these days anyone can see Lady Gaga or whoever wearing Alexander Mqueen Armadillo shoes or whatever and think they are cool not weird so buy some copies from Topshop. Or they can log onto a street style blog and just rip of someone else's entire look. So I sort of don't know where I stand any more! I can talk to someone who seems creatively dressed and then find out they are a complete and utter moron.

I don't want to do what everyone else is doing, but then I don't want to fake my whole look just to be different. That's stupid! So I just feel exactly what I don't want to be...boring and the same as everyone else...which I never used to think I was. I have become too uptight about fashion.

I have loads and loads more reasons but I think that's enough neurosis for today! Sorry for my ramble, I'm typing this on my phone so had no way to go back and self-edit :S

 

[gimmethatbag]

I get fashion neurosis on tFS! I edit and edit and edit my posts just because I feel everyone is SO much cooler than me, more aware of what's going on, chicer than me...so whenever I post, I feel like everyone will read it and just roll their eyes. I have a fashion inferiority complex or something.

 

[ultramarine]

Gimme, tFS forums are quite friendly. Ive been here for 7+ years!

There are even some sub-forums who are extra friendly compared to others. Like this one. So no need to feel bad.

About fashion neurosis. I am stylist. I work as a stylist.

When Im being introduced, most girls get super excited because I am an stylist but half of them take a look at me and say: "Really?".

Hi, My name is Marco, I am a stylist and I am a fashion slob.

I hate how people think that because you ARE a stylist you have to dress like Anna Dello Ruso 24/7. When you style you need to wear sporty clothes. And when I dont style I like to wear weathered, comfty clothes (Ill admit it .. my style is borderline derelicte).

At least I DO know that when I meet a client I have to wear at least a jacket .. and dressy shoes. But I mean, people, give me a break!

PS I very distinctively remember this one time when I was working for the top fashion magazine of the country and I was outside the publishers with a whole bunch of shopping bags smoking and waiting for the car to arrive when one of the big kahunas from the publishing company took a loooong look at me asked the security guards who I was RIGHT ON MY FACE. He said I was a stylist working there, I just turned, blew the smoke on his direction and replied "Yes, you pay me to dress people". (No wonder they didnt renew my contract) lol

 

[softgrey]

Hmm, I think it helps to be eccentric. I have my own eccentric style I pretty much abide by wherever I go, so I'm already different and comfortable with my fashion-identity by definition I've worked at refugee camps and hobnobbed at the hippest fashion-industry parties in the same outfit and never felt out of place!

That said, dress codes are a different problem though. (Mullet I hear your Brazilian pain.) Once I went to a charity ball at the French Embassy, and was TOLD (like you) that it would be a formal affair so I went in an amazing turqouise silk ballgown specially made for the occasion. The gentleman escorting me (who incidentally wore a tux) had the invite so I did not personally read what it said. Big mistake. When I got there, everyone else was in freaking street clothes. Like, sneakers and no ties, work wardrobe. I wanted to die. Or at least escape to les toilettes and stay all night. Luckily I never met any of the people again.

That was my worst fashion nightmare. Luckily it was when I was only 21, and I hope never to repeat such a scene again.

The level of spic-and-spanness is also a question for me. It feels pretty bad to be wearing old, dirtyish clothes or revealing clothes which are perfectly acceptable in Paris, among a pristine dainty conservative Tokyo population.

Moral of the story: It's really important to know what people wear in different cultures, and what dress codes mean what exactly, where. But then again, it's not worth fretting about, there are much more important things in life too

that happened to me---
similar thing, fundraiser for a political figure (who is now the mayor of NYC)...
i wore a long vintage black jersey halter dress and this organza petal boa thing...
everyone else came in their work clothes......

i felt pretty self-conscious, but also really disappointed that everyone else was just SO boring...
there was one other chick who looked really amazing, but that was it...

i did run off to the bathroom for a bit......
but while i was there so many women commented on and complimented my odd boa thing that i felt much better and then i was able to enjoy the rest of the evening...

remember--it's always better to be overdressed than underdressed, no matter what anyone says...

 

[marusenka]

I guess I'm more threatened by good looks, the 'cool' factor than fashion per se.

my thought exactly.

 

[shutterbug]

Just last month when I was at The High Line in New York I saw so many well-dressed girls in pretty patterned dresses, heels, and perfect hair. I'm not sure if something was happening that day but everyone passing by was unusually well dressed for a stroll in the park (well, I am from the west coast ). At first I felt intimidated, but then I noticed that I too was wearing a boldly patterned dress. Since I'm used to usually being one of the ones who puts more effort into an outfit, I felt uncomfortable blending in and desperately wanted to change into jeans and a shirt just so I wasn't "one of them". Weird, I know.

 

[jennifer~]

Just last month when I was at The High Line in New York I saw so many well-dressed girls in pretty patterned dresses, heels, and perfect hair. I'm not sure if something was happening that day but everyone passing by was unusually well dressed for a stroll in the park (well, I am from the west coast ). At first I felt intimidated, but then I noticed that I too was wearing a boldly patterned dress. Since I'm used to usually being one of the ones who puts more effort into an outfit, I felt uncomfortable blending in and desperately wanted to change into jeans and a shirt just so I wasn't "one of them". Weird, I know.

That sounds unusual, most people there are pretty casually-dressed -- and not only by New York standards. I usually just see tourists and people in jogging clothes, jogging... Maybe there was some event or maybe I'm going at the wrong time of day...

 

[Drusilla_]

yeah, a bit in my late 20s... the whole feeling of "30 is just a few years away and I cant dress like I did as a student" really threw my game off for a couple of years, it didn't help that I travelled a bit to some very stylish places that I couldn't buy clothes in AND that my body was changing in ways that I was...uncomfortable with. I felt like such a slob in Tokyo, it was awful - every metro I boarded had all these girls and guys in cool clothes that looked like the result of slight splurge+lifelong curation and then there was me, just feeling awkward and badly dressed in my tourist clothes.

I was very ok with 'sticking out' as a young woman, hell I went to my school leaver's dance (kinda like prom?) in a long slinky black skirt and tube top in the era when the uniform for those events was 'jeans and a nice top', was often the most dressed up person in the room but those couple of years really throew me. I'm comfortable in my style now but I can't pretend I wouldn't feel very neurotic and insecure if I was somewhere with people whose style I found interesting and felt like my own outfit was dated or just "not right". Like I'm fine with being in brighter colours in Paris in winter but I'd feel awkward if I was in Singapore or Japan in a low necked dress or anything from my 'laundry day' options.

 

[Blio]

I live on the east coast and I recently attended a wedding near Los Angeles.

It wasn't the largest nor the most expensive wedding I've attended. I found myself shocked at how well everyone else was dressed.

Nearly every woman there was wearing heels with 4 inches plus on them. even the more middle aged invitees. I could discern quite a few runway designer items on the guests.

I asked myself "is it a west coast thing"? could it be that west coasters are better dressed on average than east coasters?

Finally, another invitee remarked to me that the wedding was unusually well dressed - the most well dressed she'd ever been to and my insecurities dissipated. it also helped that i remembered that the suggested retail price of whatever i was wearing was insane.

has anyone else had an instance of fashion insanity/anxiety like this?

You'll definitely see that in and around LA. Women in Orange County dress like models. Even at the beach you'll see girls in a two piece bikini, full makeup and ear rings they never go near the water as far as I know it's all about seeing and being seen. I've seen girls in runway type clothing doing the model walk on the street even.

 

[OriginalYou]

"Well dressed" to me always meant looking good but it seems some others think it means stacking on designer name brands. Don't let it get you down, don't focus too much on what others are wearing, wear what you like and find your own personal style. Your real you.

 

[Drusilla_]

I'm having a little bit right now, two years of no holiday parties has basically torpedoed my ease with wearing things that are obviously not 'for work'.

I have the birthday party of this woman I don't really know to go to tonight, and the only dress I have that is clean is a black Dries bubble hem sack dress. My first instinct was to wear this black silk shirt with a white leaf print tucked into a black wool Comme midi skirt with braces, lacy holdups, and either black glitter heels or black suede brogues but now I'm second guessing myself because idk if this is someone who's going to think I'm a jerk for wearing black to a birthday party or I'll be assumed to have dressed like Wednesday Addams.

 

[Drusilla_]

^ went with the black Jason Wu long sleeve leaf print silk shirt (this one - look 3 of A/W 2011, scored it on therealreal years ago for like $35 because it was missing its bow but it really doesn't need it because the collar is this amazing sheer double collar) and Comme skirt (the twin of this one), but with black patent loafers, turned out I was a wee bit more dressed-up than almost everyone else at the party, the birthday girl was in black too but with the works so it was ok I think? Got asked at one point how old I was, which can be slightly flattering or slightly disconcerting depending on how you see it. But leaving the heels off was a good decision since even in flats I'm a good two inches taller than every other woman at the party, heels would have made me stick out to an uncomfortable degree.

I do get self-conscious when I'm around large groups of people who all know each other and I don't know anyone, so I think outfit anxiety feeds into that more than anything else. But I did appreciate the chance to give my outfit somewhere to be seen, which is more or less the only reason I go to parties these days.