How to deal when others disapprove?

[shopsmuch]

i live in an area where the most expensive store is banana republic, and people know that i do my shopping online and that i prefer to spend money on quality over quantity. people seem to think that because of this, they're entitled to ask just how much every last thing i own costs. i really don't understand it. honestly, i just shrug it off. generally i just say, "i don't remember" with a straight face, and they back off.

 

[Deleted member 82231]

i live in singapore. and it is not just in London where u get the intrusive almost vulgar questions about the cost of everything u own... sometimes, i am even asked about my salary... lets not even talk about friends... even acquaintances feel that i am obliged to answer questions about my bonus, my annual income, the price of my wedding ring, the price of my dress and shoes... and it goes on.

Ugg, how awful!!

I have one very competitve friend who drives us all nuts with this BS. I don't work (I'm a student), so it's always "how do you afford ______ if you don't work?"

(It's from my ring of getting ransoms for Elvis impersonators. The people at legends in concert pay big, I tell ya. )

Anyhoo, I love the how much was your house response. I will try that.

 

[hitzpink]

I have a twin sister, so if somebody asks me how much something cost or where I got it I just say "Hmm, I'm not sure. It's actually my sister's." But if it's a close friend, I'll tell them the truth. I haven't really had anybody disapprove of any of my purchases, but then again my closet isn't exactly overflowering with expensive designer peices either. Every once in awhile I might get somebody shaking their head at a purchase I've made, but that's about as far as it goes. And frankly, if it went any further I'd just remind that person that what I do with my money is none of their business.

 

[pavement]

One time I had to take back a handbag to a store when with my mom. When she rang it up and gave back my $260, my mom gave my this really angry look. I laughed and thoroughly ignored her. Funny thing is, now I want a $700 camera, and she has no problem with that. To most people the difference between a bag and a camera is vast, but in the end it's all just money.

It really does frustrate me though. Most people are just rude and disrespectful. They need to be taught a lesson. Even if you are spending way too much and getting into debt, then they should care about you, not just try to make you feel bad.

 

[Guessgirl96]

I mostly say something was a gift when people ask hoe much something is, but sometimes my closer freinds pester me about it and I tell them. While my mom likes to spend money on furniture and home improvements, my brother likes cars and electronics, a few of my freinds love video games, none of those are looked down upon except for my clothes habit. I think it's just a societal norm at this point that clothes are always materialistic while everything else are hobbies.

 

[*Happiness*]

If people don't understand your choices...LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT AT ALL TIMES. I've learned that in every area of my life....because once you start including people in your choices and asking their opinions on one topic...they think you've given them permission to have input in all areas. It just doesnt' work.

Now, I wouldn't lie...if someone asked me how much something cost...I tell them (if I feel like it) or I say "none of your business" or I say "if you have to ask me how much something cost you don't need to know"

I think honesty usually shuts people up.

 

[tott]

Friends/family pretty much know where I shop and how much things cost, so that's not an issue.

One or two colleagues at work sometimes ask me how much something cost, but I think that's because they want to be shocked and then be able to shake their heads in disbelief... They do realize that I am trained as a tailor and appreciate quality, and they don't really question my purchases. If someone asks outright I will answer, it's their bad manners and not mine.

 

[shallow_waters]

-Say you would be happy to foward the bill to said person.

 

[Autumn]

I usually just say something to the effect of "enough" or "a bit"

Perfect answer.
And if they persist, a firmer "enough" will end the questions.

 

[fashion_boi_01]

I have friends who spend $200-$300 on a sports jersey or a ticket to a game, but think it's ridiculous when I buy an expensive pair of jeans. I just don't understand, how are their purchases justified, but not mine?!? Needless to say, I've stopped telling them how much I spend on clothes.. I buy what I want with my money and don't need their perspective on the matter.

 

[secondmdplg]

I mostly say something was a gift when people ask hoe much something is, but sometimes my closer freinds pester me about it and I tell them. While my mom likes to spend money on furniture and home improvements, my brother likes cars and electronics, a few of my freinds love video games, none of those are looked down upon except for my clothes habit. I think it's just a societal norm at this point that clothes are always materialistic while everything else are hobbies.

This is very true; and it's almost a mirror image of me!

 

[Tushka_BeLLa]

Whenever I'm on the spot I can't help but to blurt out where I got it from and how much I paid for it... and it happens alot.

 

[Curious]

Meg, this is a great topic

I avoid discussing finances of any sort at all costs!
And when pressed for details, I tell them in my firm Curious voice that I don't discuss that sort of thing... with ANYone.
And I don't. No one but me knows my salary. Well, me & my employers
I think it's tack, tack, tackY when people ask about salary and what you spent on X, Y, Z
Most pass judgement either way...
concluding whether you spent "too much" or "too little" based on some random formula in their head.
You can't win the battle and you really shouldn't have to play

Tell them to bug off and that you've got your financial priorties in place

 

[snowqueen]

I think it's tack, tack, tackY when people ask about salary and what you spent on X, Y, Z

^^ too right .. i totally agree with you.. and were i come from no one discusses money at all really i wouldnt dream of asking how much something was and vice versa with friends.

 

[Bel]

My sister alway's criticizing me for what I spend on clothes. It's just allowance; I don't earn it. Our parents give both of us the same amount of money, but she spends it on movies and restaurants instead of clothes. She seems to think it's a lot nobler or something.

 

[softgrey]

i am even uncomfortable when people TELL me how much they make...
i realy think it's none of my business and i don't want to know......

but that's a cultural thing and the way i was raised...
i know that in some cultures-well- ONE that i know of....which is pretty common in NYC...talking aboout money is NO big deal and people will discuss it openly and freely...constantly!!!
*which is maybe a good thing?......

i don't know
but i know it makes me squirm...
and i find it vulgar...and irritating to some extent...

 

[runner]

Yohji was speaking on a local radio program last night
this is rare.
he happened to be asked what to do when others disapprove.
he said, "don't protest on the spot, protest devoting your whole life (if it's really related to your style)".

 

[Meg]

I like that runner, thanks for sharing

 

[snowqueen]

i am even uncomfortable when people TELL me how much they make...
i realy think it's none of my business and i don't want to know......

but that's a cultural thing and the way i was raised...
i know that in some cultures-well- ONE that i know of....which is pretty common in NYC...talking aboout money is NO big deal and people will discuss it openly and freely...constantly!!!
*which is maybe a good thing?......

i don't know
but i know it makes me squirm...
and i find it vulgar...and irritating to some extent...

I know its like this in english culture we dont really talk much about money .. well were i live we dont anyways. I was always brought up believing talking about money is something only those with out money talk about....
I have never had anyone tell me how much they earn but i would imagine it would be very arquid.
and even though it was a rhetorical question i dont ever think talking about money is a good thing.
Money is the route of all evil so im guessing talking about it isnt a good idea.

 

[salomelovesjohn]

In DC everyone talks about money and how much you make - BUT people here tend to spend very little on clothing, i.e. a friend who is an attorney told me how she bought all her suits at Target. On the other hand, I have a male friend who is spends much more than I, i.e. if I'm wearing a scarf he asks if its Hermes. He really isn't the norm though.

I've gotten stares for wearing designer goods - none has asked me the price but I get get comments like 'your shoes look like Ferragamo' and then I just answer that 'they are.'

I don't know, if your family and friends are commenting I think you might consider whether or not you're overextending yourself a tad with the purchases *ducking so none throws something at me*