Once an ugly duckling.......

[Whitelinen]

ParadEyes, when did you "change" to beautiful? In your teens or in your adulthood? I guess a lot of people look ugly as kids, but when they come to teenage they become real beauties. Not in my case though...

 

[kalli]

^It wasn`t like that for me,I was a very pretty girl and than puberty kicked in and every cool thing that comes with it.I only started looking better after highschool.

 

[*Bianca*]

The gift it gave me is that i tend to be less judgmental and have more compassion. i'm less likely to be critical of the way others dress or behave too.

Yep, that I feel is the one good thing that has come from being an ugly duckling. I am so compassionate, humble, and would never dare knowingly hurt anyones feelings. But this I suppose can also work against me; I find myself being too nice to people sometimes, and this can often lead to being walked over and taken advantaged of.

I find it hard to be around others who judge other people so critically. I sometimes can't even understand it. I often think how could they? What gave them the right to think that so-and-so is ugly? I tend to find something nice in even the most 'ugliest' of people (those who most people would consider ugly). I rarely even see ugly people in the street. Everyone looks good in my eyes. But unfortunately, this does not apply to my own image. I am so critical of myself. I often feel that I am the ugliest of all.

 

[cestmagique]

I find it hard to be around others who judge other people so critically. I sometimes can't even understand it. I often think how could they? What gave them the right to think that so-and-so is ugly? I tend to find something nice in even the most 'ugliest' of people (those who most people would consider ugly). I rarely even see ugly people in the street. Everyone looks good in my eyes. But unfortunately, this does not apply to my own image. I am so critical of myself. I often feel that I am the ugliest of all.

It's the EXACT same thing with me. I had such a hard time for years because my face literally did not make sense to me. I thought I looked like an alien, and not in the good Gemma way. But I was never hard on others. I don't look at other people and appraise their looks, nor do I consider one person to be prettier than the next-- just attractive in a different way.

 

[*Bianca*]

My face doesn't make sense to me either! Everything is so wrong, and I don't understand it. I mean, even if I were asked to describe it, I wouldn't really know how to. I just know that it's wrong.

To be honest, if you look at the amount I spend thinking fashion and here at tFS, and then compare how I look and my wardrobe, you would never guess I liked fashion.

Oh, I know how you feel. I have no style at all. I pretty much wear plain jeans every day and a long sleeved top/jacket (and it's a struggle to even find basic clothes like that, that look good on me). No-one would ever guess I'm so interested in fashion and modeling. This might sound bizarre lol but sometimes even at the hairdressers when reading fashion magazines, I often feel ashamed and embarrassed for reading fashion mags...because I imagine that the stylist must be thinking "ew, why is she reading fashion mags?" as if someone who looks/dresses like me obviously has no idea/interest in fashion therefore should not be reading these mags. And the same happens when I look at nice clothes in a shop - I imagine that the sales assistant is having a good laugh.

I would actually love to wear gorgeous clothes, but things are never right for me. I'm pale, short, look 15 years old, have stocky legs and I have the skin condition Keratosis Pilaris on both my arms which makes me too insecure about wearing short-sleeved anything. So the options of wearing skirts, shorts, or t-shirts and tanks are completely out. Even in summer. There are times when I've gone out with fake tan on my arms to cover the bumps/rash at night, but even then I was so self-conscious and felt like everyone was staring at me.

I remember even when I was a child I had so much trouble finding clothes that suited me. I would always be in-between sizes and it was a real nightmare, and you know, you eventually come to a point after years of just trying so hard just to look NORMAL when giving up seems like an easier option. So yeah, I hardly even go into clothes stores now, except for like crappy ones, and rarely buy new stuff. I think I've also come to a point where I am so stuck in my unstylish 'style' that I am too scared to attempt wearing something different than jeans and a long shirt. It's completely irrational, I know, but I worry people will think I am trying too hard . I think people I know expect me to be unstylish, so I kinda feel that I need to stay that way...Why? No idea. I hate having no style!

 

[so_jealous]

Wow, I'm so glad I found this thread.

I was really awful looking at throughout elementary, junior high and some of high school. Early puberty started a really bad chain of events. I started getting really bad acne when I was in the 5th grade and continued on for quite a looonnnggg time (my huge forehead didn't help but only displayed it even more). My mom wasn't helpful at all because she doesn't wear makeup and discouraged me from that and seeking help from the doctor. Also, being thrown into a new country I was stuck with awful clothes my mom bought before with misspelt words and wierd graphics. ]

Changes:
I started wearing contacts, going to the doctor for my skin (was on antibiotics), got bangs! and totally changed my wardrobe choices. Now I'm trying to buy clothes that are "forever" wardrobe pieces. And somehow, without the help of my mom or anyone else I started experimenting with makeup (incl. some really bad past choices) and buying good skincare products.

After all these changes took effect, it made me realize just how important your own image is to self-esteem. I used to doubt myself all the time and whenever someone maked fun of me I would still take it so personally...

 

[MissPrint]

I almost feel at home in this thread, and while I hate to think others out there are going through the same pain that I am due to being an 'ugly duckling' but in a way it's also reassuring I'm not the only one.

I suppose I've never been directly told I'm ugly, but certainly I've never been told otherwise. And after all, I have mirrors and photos, I know what I look like. I'm only 14 so I can tell myself that one day I'll magically turn into a swan like some people have but I think I'm just not made to be beautiful.

I always wear a lot of make, it makes me feel a bit more confident, but at the same time I feel bad wearing it, like I am tricking people into thinking I'm alright-looking when I'm not. Also, I know that under the makeup I'm not nice looking and it seems pointless. But without makeup I'd really never leave the house.

I think at least I have style, and I can dress well which makes it a little better. But it's not like I can get a good haircut, a few beauty products and I'll become pretty, because I already do all those things. I think this is just as good as I'll ever look and I'll have to come to terms with that.

PS. Sign me up for the shy-and-never-shows-emotions-seems-stuck-up club. Lifetime membership please!

 

[daniellat]

please join me into the club as well! it sounds like a corny cliche but i know how you feel guys. im 21 i my ugly era its starting to fade. well i wasnt that ugly except for the 11-14 period, gosh i swear i didnt know what happened, i wish i could erase that period of time, it wasnt that i was underdeveloped or flathcested but all the opposite, and i felt so uncomfortable but i did nothing about it, it bothered me so much every single day but i did nothing still, now i really like to take care of my body and it pays off. I guess ill never be 100% agree with how i look but who does?

 

[Ghost]

Laziness and ignorance is one of the culprits besides """HORMONEs"""

 

[kalli]

i felt so uncomfortable but i did nothing about it, it bothered me so much every single day but i did nothing still

I know what you mean,I was so frustrated with my skin that I just let everything else go down hill.I had these periods when I would start taking care of mysel but nothing seemed to work so I would get discouraged again.

 

[ivypixie]

Yes! I was an ugly duckling. I was a gorgeous baby and young kid, but as soon as I started school and got glasses, I became an ugly duckling. Only the thought of wearing glasses gave me low self-esteem. But it was okay anyway, I was kind of cute, and I look on pics now and I wasn't really ugly. And I had a lot of friends, my bestfriend was one of the coolest girls at school, so that made me cool too.

It became worser when I changed school in 5th grade, random people at school were grabbing me and telling me I was ugly. The other girls started to think about "fashion", make-up and so on, and I had no interest in the world for things like that, I'd rather go riding than shopping, wear riding boots than the Buffalo-shoes that eeeeeveryone just got to have at that time.
Also, the girls was starting to get hips and female curves, and I was still a toothpick (and taller than both the girls and boys), and because of my sickness, I was even skinnier than a toothpick! Oh, and not to mention how I hated to be half euopean/half asian. I just wanted to be like everyone else: blonde and whiter.

Then middle school started, both my two closest friends moved the summer before it started, so I didn't had friends there really, and I felt so ugly, too ugly to talk to people. Through the whole middle school I talked about 2 sentences in a week. I'm not kidding. I felt ugly, ugly, ugly, and when I see pics from that time, I think "Yes, I was really ugly". And I tried to eat, eat and eat to get rid of the too skinny body.

Then I started performing art-high school, and I got bigger self-esteem because of all the new and open-minded people, I got some female curves, and I could start with blank sheets. I went to a phase of dressing weird (and ugly, I think now), but respected in this school, started wearing a bit make-up and so on. And I even became an attentionwhore, because it was like drugs that people finally saw me, that people finally laughted with me, that I could talk with anyone without feeling ugly and uncomfortable. That was the start of what ended up in the me now.

I'm so much more confident now. High school's last day was yesterday, and now, unlike when middle school ended, I can think back on 3 good years, yes, I've had bad periods, but these 3 years has made me to who I am and what I got today. Though I'm not an attentionwhore anymore, and I don't dress weird and crazy. I'm over that too.

Now I feel pretty, I got high self-esteem, I dress well, I love being tall and slender, I love my hair, I love my heritage - it makes me look special, I say whatever I want to everyone, I don't care what people think, I got close friends, people telling me compliments and I believe them instead of thinking they're joking.

And when I see people from my second elementary school and middle school now, I often think that I'm better than them now. I might sound full of myself, but I'm honest, at least. And I really feel it's my turn now, to be pretty.

 

[Ghost]

still an ugly duckling..........signnnnn....

 

[kalli]

And I really feel it's my turn now, to be pretty.

So true.

people telling me compliments and I believe them instead of thinking they're joking.

It took me a long time to learn how to accept compliments,I used to have such a low self-esteem that whenever I got a compliment I thought they were making fun of me,sometimes I even told people to got to hell and they were .In my head I was so disgusting that I couldn`t accept the fact that I might deserve a compliment.I didn`t even like people looking at me because I would imagine them thinking how ugly I was,I used to avoid talking to people or I would turn my head while talking to them which only consolidated my reputation of being arrogant.Now I see it was all in my head(or most of it anyway),there were kids who would get picked on a lot more than I was but they were still friendly and outgoing,every single insult had an impact on me I actually still remember most of them.What made it worse is that I didn`t feel I could talk to anybody,my family thought I was strong and confident and I thought I would disapoint them if they knew me and all my friends were all so damn pretty and I thought they wouldn`t understand.

 

[abstractbunny]

I dont know!! I went to a school reunion and people kept telling me they had a crush on me?! very strange, although i dont think it's down to looks, ill put alot of it on charisma. P
Ugly ducklings are cuter than swans anywho.

 

[McGovLau]

Oh dear god yes I was an ugly duckling, still might be, not sure.

how I reformed---

1. Got rid of the owl glasses, got contacts and more flattering glasses.
2. Did my time with the braces and afterwards got crest white strips (Thank you Doctor Chavez and Doctor Chase)
3. Grew out my 'square' bangs and began to part them into side bangs sort of, to flatter my face better.
4. Started to get clothes in stores that don't consist of Sears and Walmart.
5. Learned how to do makeup correctly.

I was always the awkwardly skinny/lanky girl. Curves were like the 'it' thing and I was like....hi guys. When I got to highschool I realised there were more girls who wanted to be size 0's instead of curvy and lush.

 

[seanutbutter]

I still am.

I'm with you there. A few weeks ago I was walking through Seattle when a man playing guitar stopped me and said, "You may be a duckling now, but you'll grow up to be a swan." I know he meant it in a positive manner, but the comment literally made me want to cry. Maybe I'm just an emotional person.

 

[kalli]

^^I had a teacher who used to call me a duck,at one point I told him I don`t want to be a duck I want to be a goose(for some reason I thought that was funny) and he told me "Don`t be stupid a duck can turn into a swan",I didn`t really give any thought to what he said till recently.I think it`s great that he saw that in me,maybe the guitar guy saw that in you.

still an ugly duckling..........signnnnn....

I`m still a work in progress,I look much better than I looked a couple of years ago but not nearly enough to be happy with the way I look.I can look great but I can also look like crap.

 

[notmanons]

Im an Ugly duckling at the moment

 

[kalli]

It`s O.K.,you`ll grow out of it.

 

[iamthewalrus28]

I remember in high school, in art class our art teacher asked us to draw ourselves - but as how we think other people see us. So I drew a very tall, lanky girl with glasses and messy hair.
Then we were asked to draw ourselves as how we would like to be seen - still I drew, a very tall, lanky girl with glasses and messy hair.
And finally we were asked what 5 things would we change about ourselves and I told the teacher I wouldn't change a thing.
I remember I was an awkward girl at high school, I was the only student of colour at the time but at the same time I accepted who I was and I respected my mothers and fathers heritage.
I experimented with my looks - at 15 I took a picture of winona ryder to the salon after school and the hairdresser reluctantly chopped of my waist length hair into a pixie cut. I wore contacts. I tried to find myself through art and music and eventually found my confidence through my strengths and then accepted my so called 'flaws'.
For me, today I am a confident person. I like to look after myself, I like to dress well, that makes me happy and because I am happy I can care for those I love and cherish completely.
I truly believe no one is ugly - only with hate, jealousy and cruelty does one become an 'ugly' individual. At the same time we are all judged on our looks but if one can find a sense of acceptance of oneself we can truly become beautiful. Being a teenager is hard - you question yourself, you compare yourself but it is a journey - remember there is no such thing as perfection.
As you get older - certain things become meaningless.
Today I am still tall and lanky girl at 23 - but I accept myself and I am much happier for that.