Once an ugly duckling.......

[cestmagique]

I was definitely an ugly duckling when I was younger... then again I had a lot of problems! I was chubby (though not technically "fat"; pretty irksome that size 6 is considered chunky ), my skin and hair were wrecked thanks to eating disorders, and I was extremely self-critical and shy-- zero self esteem. Thankfully I've come a long way but back then it was awful.

 

[illusions_ghost]

I looked like a ball when I was 12 or 13. Somehow I ended up loosing weight while going through puberty, not quite sure how since I lost it when I gave up exercising and started eating crisps and sweets. My clothes from then are too big for me now (I'm 17) except that they're much too short.
I did not give a damn what I looked like 11-12. And so wore some of the worst clothes about, as long is it was comfortable I didn't care.
By 14 I started caring about what people thought, so at least my clothes matched even if they were the most unflattering shapes. I spent a lot of energy on not being noticed.
Now I don't mind what people think of my looks, as long as they are suitable for the occasion. It's my opinion that counts.
My hair is still quite bad, but it's not flat with greese to my head. I don't wear much make-up, but I'll wear a little if I feel like it. My clothes tend to be scruffy and I have a lot of clothes that at a bit too big and and a bit too short (I don't believe in buying new stuff all the time) but I have some nice stuff, I'm working on the wardrobe.
It's more of an ugly ducking to robin, but robins are cool.

 

[Whitelinen]

I think it is quite common to lose weight as you grow

 

[illusions_ghost]

I hope so, although quite a lot of people put on wieght. It just depends on the person I guess.
Still, a stone (14lb) while growing 5 inches.

 

[lucy92]

very thoughtful posts everybody!

i have relatively few pics of me from 12-16. i hated having my picture taken.

i remember being 14 and hacking off my long dark permed hair until i had a bob. i then started bleaching and highlighting my hair to a butter blonde. nevermind that my original colour was a dark expresso-like shade.

somehow the blonde hair made me feel confident though. i dont regret doing it. my parents also worried about how "presentable" i was.

i finally dyed my hair back to my "natural colour" when i was 22.

i also dressed pretty boyish in junior high and high school. i was also very thin and not very "womanly" shaped at all. i didnt shell out $ for clothes. just whatever my parents would agree to buy for me. i didnt read any fashion magazines.

i only slapped on a little bit of foundation and a tiny bit of eyeliner. i wouldnt do any touchups.

i think the changes i would have made then if i had known better would be to:

go to a GOOD stylist/salon for haircuts and dye jobs
get my eyebrows professionally shaped.
pay a little more attention to trends.

have some good pics of yourself taken. it can do wonders for your esteem.

rent the dvd box set of fox tv's "the swan" and marvel that you dont have to go to the lengths these women do!

 

[Whitelinen]

I guess I have even answered to this thread myself, but I am definetily an ugly duckling.

First of all, it is a fact that not everyone finds the same thing beautiful. That's why some people can find something beautiful that is not beautiful to others. However, I have never heard from anyone that there would be anything beautiful in me. I have always been said I am ugly, but what I am really interested about knowing is what exactly makes me ugly. If I could be given specifics I could do something about it.

If I make a list of things I think should be improved in myself:

1. My skin. I have had acne, which is slowly going away thanks to Roaccutane, but my skin still is not beautiful. I have a lot of marks and scars, my skin isn't even and I still have some acne left. I am quite pale, and although I do admire "pale beauties" I myself am not one. I just look anemic, grey and the lightness of my skin makes all the other scars even more prominent. I think I also have a tendency to develop those "dead veins" that older women have in their feet. I am not sure what is the correct term, but you know those veins which show as these ugly, dark bumps? It runs in my family, and although I am very young I have already noticed something in my leg that could be the start of them. When I shave my skin my skin gets irritated.

2. My face. I don't exactly know what is wrong with my face, but there are things that are wrong. I have a dent in my jaw and I have quite round cheeks. I think my eye brows are always messy, no matter how I try to get them plucked and because they are light they don't show at all. I usually look rather stupid.

3. My hair. I recently cut my hair to a pixie cut, which has gained me compliments. However, I am not sure if I have good hair. It's typical Scandinavian hair, not thick and quite blonde.

4. My arms and hands. Well, here it's again the problem with skin (#1). I also could be more fit. My hands are always dry and I don't like my nails at all.

5. My chest/breasts/abdomen. And again, my skin is bad. I also have a big bellybutton which is told to be strange. I have an annoying tiny bump on my stomach... I guess it's the area where females always seem to have fat. My stomach is never smooth.

6. My legs and feet. Too thick, bad skin. No good shape, I am ashamed to wear skirts and dresses. My feet are very dry, and my toenails are in a bad shape (they sometimes grow inside). Even if I try to make a home pedicure I can't get them look good.

7. The way I dress. I dress in bad quality clothes and have no idea what I should shop for. From the clothes I wear no one could guess I adore fashion and spend too many hours on a fashion forum. I think I have an hourglass type of body, and that's why it's even harder to find clothes. I am not overweight, I am 52 kgs/114 lbs normally at the height of 166 cm/5'5.

And on top of this I have no self-confidence (you don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to realise that) and I have never, not once in my life, been told I am beautiful or look good (on the contrary).

I would like to receive advice on how to change. I can try to post photos of myself if it would help. I wish to learn how to look well-maintained and beautiful, but I am starting to think those are things you are born with.

I also have a tendency to not like nailpolish/make-up etc. I just don't like to have to make a huge fuss every morning about putting on make-up etc. And still I would like to look well-maintained. Oh well.

Can a truly ugly person change?

 

[justlooking]

To be honest WhiteLinen i am so disappointed by your post, especially your last question!?! Your posts are always extremely thoughtful and reasonable and interesting.
You would be the first to know that beauty resonates from the inside and no matter what people say about looks not mattering, they obviously do. It's your outer package, the first impression. As shallow as that sounds, it is true and as your post shows, it can affect how you feel about yourself.

I think it would be great and lots of fun to have a makeover thread. Your figure sounds great- hourglasses aren't difficult to dress! They're the ideal imo! I would love to see a picture of you- you shouldn't underestimate yourself. So if you're okay with posting pics, I think such a thread would be great.

 

[Whitelinen]

To be honest WhiteLinen i am so disappointed by your post, especially your last question!?! Your posts are always extremely thoughtful and reasonable and interesting.
You would be the first to know that beauty resonates from the inside and no matter what people say about looks not mattering, they obviously do. It's your outer package, the first impression. As shallow as that sounds, it is true and as your post shows, it can affect how you feel about yourself.

I think it would be great and lots of fun to have a makeover thread. Your figure sounds great- hourglasses aren't difficult to dress! They're the ideal imo! I would love to see a picture of you- you shouldn't underestimate yourself. So if you're okay with posting pics, I think such a thread would be great.

Well, I cannot think anyway else when it comes to myself When you are being told you are wrong inside out for years it tends to stick with you. I'm not strong at all to not believe in it. I might say great things to others but I don't believe them myself for a split second. For me, everyone else does have inner beauty that, with some fixes on the outside, resonates to outer beauty. But I can't manage to do that to myself. I don't believe I have inner nor outer beauty... as pathetic as it sounds.

I have never posted photos of myself in the internet, but I might if there are people here who would want to help.

Ps. Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it

 

[style_star]

To be honest WhiteLinen i am so disappointed by your post, especially your last question!?! Your posts are always extremely thoughtful and reasonable and interesting.
You would be the first to know that beauty resonates from the inside and no matter what people say about looks not mattering, they obviously do. It's your outer package, the first impression. As shallow as that sounds, it is true and as your post shows, it can affect how you feel about yourself.

I think it would be great and lots of fun to have a makeover thread. Your figure sounds great- hourglasses aren't difficult to dress! They're the ideal imo! I would love to see a picture of you- you shouldn't underestimate yourself. So if you're okay with posting pics, I think such a thread would be great.

I absolutely agree.

The opinions of others should not falter your own self confidence or feelings about yourself, because many times insults are easier to hear and believe than compliments, and very often it is difficult for people to give a true compliment, whether it be out of jealousy, or something else. Of course, it is so much easier to remain silent than express your approval of someone! What a scary thought!

Although it is much cliched, I find it the statement that you are your own worst critic to be entirely true. No matter how confident a person may appear to be, the majority of people have doubts and insecurities that roam on the inside. I do believe that many people fall subject to picking themselves apart and finding flaws that perhaps do not even exist, or exaggerating any existant "flaws" to a point that escapes truth.

I hope that made sense.

 

[Whitelinen]

^ I think it does. I wouldn't care about those comments, but because I have always gotten rejected because of that it's hard not to. It's part of human nature to want to be appreciated and accepted - and I have gotten none. I'm tired of being lonely, and as it has been said - looks give the first impression. Looks will never make me happy, but they will help me with the process of finding happiness.

 

[cestmagique]

^aww... First of all, you must have some pretty sucky people around you if they're actually telling you you're ugly. As you said, beauty is subjective, and yet they're acting as though their opinion is rock-solid fact. It's especially cruel since you are young and not terribly confident. What in the world are they thinking of??

I think your lack of confidence and the mean people around you are giving you a tainted idea of how you really are. A lot of people think they were awful looking as kids, but look back on photos from that time and realize they weren't so bad. After all, confidence has a huge impact on how you see yourself, and how others see you as well. More than likely, you are not half as bad as you believe yourself to be!

I guess the last comment I want to make is that there is no such thing as an ultimate beauty, and that no one is "beautiful" in the current sense without any effort. Women now, especially Hollywood women, are so ridiculously groomed and all of it is done to reach one very narrow, misogynistic standard. If you choose, you can start exercising (never a bad thing; it may help your confidence), use lotion on your body, and perhaps even have your nails and toes done. Remember-- looking polished doesn't have to be difficult. Choosing a simpler, more natural looking aesthetic will be much easier to upkeep. For example, if painting your nails annoys you but you don't want to go get them done, strike a happy medium; trim your nails yourself and use a clear strengthening polish that will look neat, help your nails stay strong, but won't need to be reapplied fanatically as it chips.

PS. Beauty is NOT the most important thing in life. People who will love you first or only for how you look are people to avoid.

 

[Whitelinen]

^aww... First of all, you must have some pretty sucky people around you if they're actually telling you you're ugly. As you said, beauty is subjective, and yet they're acting as though their opinion is rock-solid fact. It's especially cruel since you are young and not terribly confident. What in the world are they thinking of??

I think your lack of confidence and the mean people around you are giving you a tainted idea of how you really are. A lot of people think they were awful looking as kids, but look back on photos from that time and realize they weren't so bad. After all, confidence has a huge impact on how you see yourself, and how others see you as well. More than likely, you are not half as bad as you believe yourself to be!

I guess the last comment I want to make is that there is no such thing as an ultimate beauty, and that no one is "beautiful" in the current sense without any effort. Women now, especially Hollywood women, are so ridiculously groomed and all of it is done to reach one very narrow, misogynistic standard. If you choose, you can start exercising (never a bad thing; it may help your confidence), use lotion on your body, and perhaps even have your nails and toes done. Remember-- looking polished doesn't have to be difficult. Choosing a simpler, more natural looking aesthetic will be much easier to upkeep. For example, if painting your nails annoys you but you don't want to go get them done, strike a happy medium; trim your nails yourself and use a clear strengthening polish that will look neat, help your nails stay strong, but won't need to be reapplied fanatically as it chips.

PS. Beauty is NOT the most important thing in life. People who will love you first or only for how you look are people to avoid.

Well, I don't know. Most of them just ignore me. I am not very social, and thus I don't meet that many people. This is because I have learned to fear meeting others from my childhood though.

I know beauty is not the most important thing, but it is hard to not think about it. I don't think I am that good in the inside either, and I think inner beauty is also part of becoming a swan. Tips for that?

I do use lotion, exercise etc, but I don't see any difference to be honest. I used to do my nails etc, but that didn't seem to make much difference either. I wish I could make some radical change, somehow "clean" all the old stuff from myself away, and then maintain my new, improved self. And how is this done? Not sure at all. Maybe a major makeover?

It's very hard for me to believe I have any inner or outer beauty = no self-esteem. But I am not going to start ranting here about it.

 

[Kimkhuu]

Instant Beauty Boosters

- Drink 8 glasses of water every day. Really cleans your system and makes you feel better afterwards.

- Put some brow gel on and brush towards the top. Instantly brings attention to your eyes.

- Put some mascara on. Not too much. One coat will do.

- Use hair conditionner and leave it in for 5 minutes. You don't need to sit and wait. Just wash your body meanwhile.

- Use an exfoliator and mask once a week. Try St-Ives abricot scrub and clay mask. Leave both in for 30 minutes so the good ingredients penetrate into skin.

- Exercice whenever you can.

- Get a new haircut by yourself (very easy, just need the right scissors) and try a new haircolor that will enhance your skin tone.

 

[Whitelinen]

Instant Beauty Boosters

- Drink 8 glasses of water every day. Really cleans your system and makes you feel better afterwards.

- Put some brow gel on and brush towards the top. Instantly brings attention to your eyes.

- Put some mascara on. Not too much. One coat will do.

- Use hair conditionner and leave it in for 5 minutes. You don't need to sit and wait. Just wash your body meanwhile.

- Use an exfoliator and mask once a week. Try St-Ives abricot scrub and clay mask. Leave both in for 30 minutes so the good ingredients penetrate into skin.

- Exercice whenever you can.

- Get a new haircut by yourself (very easy, just need the right scissors) and try a new haircolor that will enhance your skin tone.

I drink eight glasses minimum per day. I also drink green tea like crazy.

I don't want to use make-up. I feel like I am not myself. Many of them also include such chemicals that I don't think they are healthy.

I use hairconditioner every time I wash my hair - even if my hair is short now.

I use masks. I haven't exfoliated in a long time as my skin is prone to get irritated, so I am not sure whether it is wise.

I exercise.

I did cut my hair at home (and then at a hair saloon). I don't want to use hair colours for the same reason as make-up. I have tried many colours, but my hair does not seem to like hair dye - it always needs twice the hairdye to be coloured, and after that it needs to be re-coloured almost once every two weeks.

 

[FashionGrrrrl]

^ I don't think hair dyes are as bad as in the '80s and before that but there may be some health risks associated with using them. It never hurt anyone to not dye their hair. Personally, I think the hair colour we are born with is probably what suits our skin tone the best. I dyed mine dark red for a couple of years just for a change but then decided there wasn't much point because I like my natural brown colour anyway.

I've got messy brows too and one of my beauty staples is clear mascara to keep them straight.

I highly doubt you are ugly (and I think anyone who would tell you that is very insecure about themself) but I do understand how looking your best makes you feel good, it's why I spend so much time in front of the mirror every day, lol.

 

[Whitelinen]

I highly doubt you are ugly (and I think anyone who would tell you that is very insecure about themself) but I do understand how looking your best makes you feel good, it's why I spend so much time in front of the mirror every day, lol.

I do think there can be ugly people. But many of these people don't care about it; they have accepted it. They know they have better sides to emphasize.

 

[cestmagique]

Personally, I think the hair colour we are born with is probably what suits our skin tone the best. I dyed mine dark red for a couple of years just for a change but then decided there wasn't much point because I like my natural brown colour anyway.

I agree with this, definitely. I dyed my hair and wish I hadn't, and now I'm just waiting for my natural shade to grow back. It's so tedious lol... but my natural hair color is way better in terms of it complimenting my skin tone.

 

[vogue_addiction]

When I was about 10 I started too see I was uglier than other kids. I had tiny eyes, mousy grey hair and felt fat. (eventhough i had a healthy bmi of 21).
I started wearing loose, boring (mostly black) clothes. All my (skinny) , blond , bleu eyed girlfriends got the attention of a boys and were popular.

when I was 12 I went out for a swim with my entire class, and when I came out of the changing room in bikini, all the boys in my class laughed at me. I felt so hurt. and this was the time when I started to diet.

At the end of my 12th I was an anorexic. I lost weight and had a bmi of 18 at that time. I still felt fat, ugly and unrespected.
By the time I was 15, I was still losing weight, I though if i lost weight i would become pretty one day. I didn't eat when I felt sad, bad, happy or whatever. every emotion i had turned out in not eating, or throwing up. at the end of my 15th I had a sickly low bmi of 14.8, i was hospitalized, and my heart had trouble getting through the day. I would lay in bed thinking 'it wouldn't surprize me if tomorrow I wouldnt wake up' I lost my period and every feminine aspect of myself.

Now im 16. still in the strugle. i;m getting healthier, i now have a bmi of 17.4. there is still a lot of work to do. but i;m getting happier. i haven't got my period back, and i;m scared to death that i won't ever get it back, it's been over a year.

ok. sorry about the depressing post. but this is my ugly duckling story in the strugle to one day become a swan.

 

[Kawari]

vouge_addiction, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Especially being so young. I'm glad to hear that you are getting better though, and I think that the strength you have to get through such a hard situation makes you beautiful. Best of luck to you!

 

[mme]

Vogue_addiction; I thought it was very brave of you to come out and post this, and I'm very happy to hear that you are getting better Everyone is a swan one way or another, it just depends how you look at it!

I used to feel like an ugly duckling. But I figured out the best way to become a swan is to feel like one from the inside. One stupid secret/trick of mine when I am in a bad outfit and have a lack of confidence (which is honestly, pretty much everyday) is to imagine myself in a great outfit. Usually something off of a wishlist of mine... currently that Gap Rodarte bow dress. I walk with more confidence, and fashion also puts a smile on my face I'm starting to become more social. And also, if I actually get the outfit, I've built up my courage by then and am brave enough to wear it. I don't know, if I feel more confident on the inside, it shows. I know it sounds silly