Recovery : A Former Shopaholics Thread

[softgrey]

how to beat the addiction...
what steps to take in order to stop the madness...

one thing i have recently done is to unsubcribe to all the daily emails from all the various shopping sites i frequent...

...

what about you?!?!...

 

[tourist10]

softgrey - I LOVE the idea of this thread, and the timing is perfect, as I've recently decided that I have to slow down my shopping. I added up how much I spent the past few months, and it depresses me what else I could have done with that money (paint my house? college fund for the kid??). My weakness is definitely online shopping, and I did the same thing as you, I unsubscribed myself from a bunch of mailing lists. You know, getting rid of those coupon codes that only make you buy things for 20% final sale. I also deleted favorites, cleared my history, etc, trying to deter myself from idle online window shopping. I was thinking that I should avoid all fashion related sites in general, but there has to be more to fashion than consumption for the non-fashion insider, right?

It's been surprisingly hard to kick the idle browsing. I seriously think there are symptoms of addiction related to all the online shopping and obsessing over items. I basically need to rewire my relationship with clothes and shopping, I think. I started journaling to see if I could identify what might be triggering my shopaholic tendencies, especially when I feel the urge to buy something. Definitely happens most often during my downtime in the evenings. But the best thing is to just get offline and do something else that I enjoy, like read a book.

I hope this thread gets some activity!

 

[unspoiledbird]

Argh, I hear you guys completely. My new year's resolution was actually to cut down my shopping to only once every couple of months, and I've managed pretty well when it comes to high street shopping but not so much on the online world I've basically stopped buying clothes, but now I've become a beauty product addict, spending my moneys on organic shampoo and grapefruit lipstick instead of scalloped shorts of whatever it is bloggers are wearing

It really is all about consumption, though! And it's a hard habit to kick because you always manage to find something useless to spend your money on. And it feels good! But I always carry this associated guilt with the act of mindlessly shopping because I'm aware that most of my friends and family cannot afford to do the same thing, and I take it for granted that I'll always have the money to do so when maybe someday I'll regret buying that 20euro feathered scarf that I didn't need when I don't have enough to buy my own food or something

Anyway, great idea for a thread! Support groups - yay!

 

[The_Ida]

I've started cooking instead. Whenever I feel like buying something I bake a cake

I'm a huge beauty junkie as well, that habit is so hard to kick because there are SO many awesome beauty blogs that I read pretty much daily.

Since my dog passed away last week (I think it was) I've been buying so much stuff, I've just been so sad. But I knew that would happen, and I don't really mind.

 

[luckyme]

ida, i am sorry to hear about your loss. if shopping brings some joy right now, perhaps its not the right time to stop shopping. i do the same thing, just make sure you can return it if need be.

or...go to the pet rescue sites and shop for a dog.

or...get away from the computer. go outside, garden, ride a horse ;-). i guess if you are in nyc though, you are still surrounded by temptation, so that only works if you live in shopping siberia. but the first step it seems to me would be to alter the pattern and replace it with something else.

remember when layaway was an option. that was great, you could pay a little bit on it as often as possible and eventually it was yours.

 

[Teja]

I made a list of clothes I need to buy for this fall/winter. I went through my wardrobe and put on the list things I REALY REALLY need and decided to only buy clothes I have on that list.
I still visit online shops and look at clothes but I don't save or buy anything if it's not on my list. I also try to find some discount codes (that way I save some more money).
2 weeks ago when summer sales started, I went shopping for some clothes. But I only bought sweaters, shoes and stuff for fall and winter. No summer clothes.
So far having a list and stick to it works for me.

 

[emma peel]

i also have started unsubscribing to email lists.

couldn't part with the Outnet though, hmmm...

it just started to be so much spam, so much distraction.

online shopping is so effing addictive, scouring shopstyle, checking for things on ebay, argh...

 

[The_Ida]

ida, i am sorry to hear about your loss. if shopping brings some joy right now, perhaps its not the right time to stop shopping. i do the same thing, just make sure you can return it if need be.

or...go to the pet rescue sites and shop for a dog.

or...get away from the computer. go outside, garden, ride a horse ;-). i guess if you are in nyc though, you are still surrounded by temptation, so that only works if you live in shopping siberia. but the first step it seems to me would be to alter the pattern and replace it with something else.

remember when layaway was an option. that was great, you could pay a little bit on it as often as possible and eventually it was yours.

Thanks I must admit that I'm quite happy with the things I've purchased, and I've been taking extra shifts so that I don't have to return anything.

I wish I could have a dog in my apartment, unfortunately my landlord doesn't allow it. But my parents are getting a new dog that I'm very much looking forward to meet when she arrives this autumn

I've been riding my bike a lot lately, usually around the lakes (a 19 km ride), that does make me happy. There's nothing like apple trees and singing birds to lift your spirits

 

[Lapin de Lune]

I have come to an abrupt halt recently, too. I wasn't particularly addicted to shopping, but I have suffered a series of endless purchase disappointments recently and somehow lost faith. This thread is such a marvelous idea, and a perfect antidote.
Online shopping is so horribly easy!
One small solution would also be to remove the stores from your bookmark folder - perhaps the time taken to google the store might allow a little more thought for how strong the urge is....

 

[lucy92]

lynn yeager wrote a funny story for vogue last year where she talked about how she "stalks" expensive clothes she wants to buy before *maybe* purchasing them.

she would "visit" the clothes she was obsessing over multiple times in the store.

sometimes after a while the obsession would wear off a particular item.

so stop shopping, start "stalking" i guess?

 

[marmoset]

^
Do you possibly have a link or scan of that article, it sounds really interesting!

 

[unspoiledbird]

lynn yeager wrote a funny story for vogue last year where she talked about how she "stalks" expensive clothes she wants to buy before *maybe* purchasing them.

she would "visit" the clothes she was obsessing over multiple times in the store.

sometimes after a while the obsession would wear off a particular item.

so stop shopping, start "stalking" i guess?

Ahh, that's a really good idea. I've been trying to do that, set my sight on something I really like and take a few days to reflect on whether I truly need/want it! Sometimes I plain forget about it, which is great Otherwise I "visit" the garment to see if it suits me, and then take a few more days to think about it. Usually the item is sold out or discontinued before I actually get around to buying it, and I've survived anyway so in the end I've learned that I can do without any new stuff. Let's see if it lasts when I start making money next month

 

[ChrissyM]

^^i think the whole "stalking" thing is great...

i'm usually good at resisting the temptation to buy something online because even though i don't shop online often i've been disappointed enough times (and annoyed with the process of returning) that i tend to just buy stuff in person for the most part..

BUT for more expensive items especially i definitely try to do the stalking thing... and for items i don't necessarily NEED

i recently did this with a pair of steven for steve madden leopard print loafers (not that they were super expensive)
but i looked at them once in the store and walked away without trying on, then tried them on the next time i was there and left them behind, then i went back a third time to look at them again and ended up purchasing them on the last day of nordstrom's anniversary sale... so at least i got them $40 off...

there have definitely been other items that i've just moved past and gotten...
and other times things end up getting reduced in price

i still definitely have a shopping problem though...
i just try not to step foot in a store if i can avoid it for the most part because it's tough for me to resist the temptation when something looks good on

 

[softgrey]

stalking works...
i stalked a comme des garcons trench coat this spring...
took three trips to the store before i actually broke down and got it...
but i am super pleased with the purchase...


and for awhile i was happy with just that...

but then there were the sales...
...

 

[lucy92]

i think one step to alleviate this problem is to take everything out of your closet or storage space and re-evaluate everything (ie mend, tailor, donate, sell or dry clean items)

i am in the process or "tailoring" now. i just dumped off 6 things to be tailored to my size.

when i have more time, i am going to get rid of more stuff. a lot of my items are worth more to other folks than to me.

 

[advo]

lynn yeager wrote a funny story for vogue last year where she talked about how she "stalks" expensive clothes she wants to buy before *maybe* purchasing them.

she would "visit" the clothes she was obsessing over multiple times in the store.

sometimes after a while the obsession would wear off a particular item.

so stop shopping, start "stalking" i guess?

I love this idea except that my biggest vice is online shopping! I'm so lazy that I can't even be bothered with the high street shops. I just browse at home on my trusty laptop .

And even worse, once I've bought something even though it wasn't quite what I wanted, I keep it anyway because it's too much hassle to return (shipping etc).

For the more expensive stuff, I'd definitely stalk but we just don't have everything in DK. Sometimes, I see something I MUST HAVE and I have to search everywhere to find it and once I get it, even though it's not ~quite~ what I wanted, again I can't be bothered to return.

I guess, the first step is to admit that even if you don't get whatever you wanted, there's always something else? Because I have this mentality that I MUST get something, when in reality, no I don't. Oh but saying these things are so much easier than doing it

 

[softgrey]

^^oh gosh---that would kill me...
i don't understand how people don't return stuff ...
but i hear this from people more often than one would think!

hmmm...
i have a ups very near me...closer than most stores actually...
so returning online purchases is not a problem and is often easier than going back to a store to return it...
thankfully!...


another trick i use is that i will put something on hold for 24 hours...
if i still really feel like it's something i want/need the next day...then i will go back...
that saves a lot of trips on returns because i often find that i don't really want it so much after all...
and i never go back...


going to return stuff at stores is dangerous, isn't it?!...
you always wind up seeing something else you like and buying that, right?...

 

[lucy92]

i think europeans might have more qualms about making returns. maybe they feel cowed. to them, it might be awkward. for Americans its old hat.

my mom returns half the clothes and accessories she buys.
most of the e-retailers she uses offer free return shipping.

chances are that if you are lusting for an item for a while, then someone else is also. so when an item loses its luster its best to get rid of it and give someone else a chance.

 

[ChrissyM]

ugh, i'm definitely a HUGE victim of walking in to return something and walking out having spent more than what i got back

that's why i just have to try to avoid going into stores sometimes...

a good trick for that though is to return something when i'm really tired and lack the energy to even look through the store, or to stop in on a busy day when i don't have time to stick around

 

[advo]

LOL, I'm definitely also guilty of going to return something and walking out with all the money spent again!

Regarding returns - another big expenditure for me is beauty products. And unfortunately, they are not refundable while I've read that a lot of people can return in the States?!!