Even when the previous seasons eventually becomes a runaway train wreck, the opening episodes are usually immediately rivating— like the potential-brimming one of Coven. This one… was boring. After the two blondes’ experience with the bed incident, it was all going South. The Shining and The Hunger references are so forced, even the stylish production values couldn’t save the Countess-intro sequence from blandness. I guess since this time around, with Gaga being the main attraction and taking Jessica’s role as ringmaster, there’s no avoiding her performance. She’s just flat and stiff. She’s always lacked any grace and elegance even in her own popstar persona, so the Countess’s movements always feel a little Eliza Doolittle training for the grand ball to me, despite her regal wardrobe and even more regal setting. She’s very theatre-kid trying to do bewitching siren— which is always hilariously unconvincing; I think Miranda Sings could pull it off better than her. She’s not the only weak link, to be fair. All the rest of the characters already feel played out to me— as do all the tiresome “homages”: In this first episode, we’re already checked The Shining, The Hunger, The Slience of the Lambs, (Coppola’s) Dracula, Se7en and… Four Rooms— and that’s just with my very limited knowledge of cinema, with absolutely none of the intensity and unsettling, morbid vibe of those films. Not even Angela and Naomi can get me interested in watching this further now. I’ll download it and watch it on my computer whenever I have the time, but it’s not going to be something I can immerse myself in. Just too bland.