Mel Gibson and Girlfriend Oksana Break-Up

[Kenysha75]

First came the news of the demise of Larry King's marriage, and now People says that Mel Gibson has returned his Russian baby mama Oksana Grigorieva to the gold digging factory from which she came from! We're all getting dumped today! It's National Jessica Simpson (or Jennifer Aniston, depending on what your mood is) Day!

Mel and Oksana have only been dating for a little over a year, but apparently they broke up shortly after the birth of their 5-month-old daughter. A source says, "They just drifted apart. They’re both working hard on their careers and trying to raise a sweet baby together. They're still friends and they'll both raise Lucia together."

You know, Oksana is proving to all gold diggers in training out there that you don't have to get married to get paid. Pop out the baby, collect your check and be on your way to the next mark. Oksana's already has Mel Gibson and Timothy Dalton's pictures on her Wall of Fame, so I wonder who's next. Gird your sperm, because she's coming!
dlisted.com

 

[Kenysha75]

The Truth Is Out There!!!!!

When we last left Mel Gibson's baby mama OctoSana Grigorieva, she had been left on the curb by the corn syrup chichis connoisseur for whatever reason. Well, at a press conference in Moscow for her charity single (proceeds go to the victims of Chernobyl) OctoSana talked about the split and promised that the truth would soon be revealed. Cue a dramatic close-up followed by the "Lost" boom!

OctoSana told reporters, "I can tell you that..we have split up, suddenly and recently. Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason. But you will find out everything quite soon. Here is the official version: We split up by mutual consent and we will raise our daughter together. She is currently with my mother in my Los Angeles home."

This dramatic b*tch. And then OctoSana let out a mysterious cackle before her assistant raised a "To Be Continued" sign made out of cardboard. Her assistant was supposed to turn off the lights immediately afterwards for an extra theatrical effect, but there was a technical problem so OctoSana had to awkwardly shuffle out of the room under the bright lights.

OctoSana is trying to make it sound like there's a shocking reason for the split. The only way I would be shocked is if it comes out that Mel Gibson had an affair with Jewish zombie Larry King. Even that wouldn't be THAT shocking, because Mel would ignore his allergic reaction to Jewish people in order to kiss the hand of a man who babysat Jesus Christ back in the day.

And OctoSana also told reporters that she will remove a hammer-and-sickle tattoo on her ankle that Mel Gibson asked her to get. Too easy.
dlisted.com

 

[IAmLordZen]

This is too funny! Ok, I'm not saying I'm happy they split up but the dlisted article is insanely hilarious.

 

[Kenysha75]

Mel Gibson Continues To Abuse His Larynx (And Other Things)


The love story of our time continues! Radar Online has brought us the third chapter in Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Rant" series! This one is filled with so much romantic poetry that I'm sure brides and grooms will be slow dancing to it at their wedding for centuries to come!

If you don't feel like getting the cockles of your heart softly stroked by Mel Gibson's soothing voice, then here's a few quotes for you. Oksana Grigorieva gets a little more audio time in this tape:

Mel: “I will fire Concepcion (Ed Note: I made that name up, but I really hope her name is Concepcion) if she’s at your house. I will make it known and fire her. I’ll report her to the fuc*ing people that take fuc*ing money from the wetbacks! Okay?

Mel: “You fuc*ing ignorant b*tch! I don’t understand you. You’re saying stupid shi*! How dare you fuc*ing even insult me with some of the stupid reasoning you have. Your logic sucks because you’re a fuc*ing mentally deprived idiot!”

OctoSana: “You made me moneyless. I used to have hundred thousand dollars a year when you met me. You took me, you possessed me. Everything I am you own me with my liver and my kidneys and my thoughts and my soul. Everything! My career, or whatever it is. Pathetic career. Whatever it is, it’s yours. You control me like marionette. I don’t belong to myself, only to you. I can’t do anything and I walk on eggshells always with you!"
Mel: "That's because you are a fuc*ing using wh*re. I OWN YOU!"

Mel: "You probably fuc*ed (name snatched out)! You know you did!
OctoSana: "Wow. I swear in front of God that I did not."
Mel: "Fuc* an ugly man! You don't give a fuc* as long as they pay your fuc*ing rent!"

OctoSana: "The baby is crying. I have to go."
Mel: "Go look after my child!"
OctoSana: "She's my child too."
Mel: "Yeah unfortunately, you cun* wh*re! I hope she doesn't turn out like you."

You can come back to this tape whenever you need inspiration on what to write in a Valentine's or Mother's Day card.

At this point, Mel Gibson probably can't even land the title role in a community theater production of MEIN KUNT: The Mel Gibson Story, so he should try out an entirely different career.

With a voice like his, he should record alarms for Brinks. Even the hardest thief wouldn't continue to crawl through a window after hearing Mel scream at them, "YOU BETTER BLOW ME BEFORE YOU STEAL FROM ME, YOU GOLD DIGGING CUN* wh*re!" or "I WILL BURY YOU IN THE ROSE GARDEN IF YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP, YOU COMMON sl*t!"
dlisted

 

[Kenysha75]

Somebody Blow Mel Gibson Already


And by somebody I mean a Jewish piranha. Liam Neeson has released yet another Kraken in the form of an audio clip of Mel Gibson whispering sweet precious pretty talk into the ear of Oksana Grigorieva. This is Radar's fourth part their never-ending "Eardrum MELocide" series, so you pretty much know the drill by now. Hit play, feel the terribles take over your soul, do a shot of whatever is available, laugh away like this mess is a South Park episode....and then feel depressed again.

Here's a few quotes. For a cheap thrill to your genitals, just picture Alexander Skarsgard giving you this dirty talk during role-playing. Or just picture a kitten meowing this. That works too.

Mel: “I deserve to be blown first! Before the ****ing Jacuzzi! Ok, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you?”

Mel: “I should’ve woken you up and said ****ing blow me b*tch! I should’ve ****ing woken you up and said blow me! You would’ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!”

OctoSana: "I waited for you."
Mel: “Waited and waited... What, two and a half ****ing minutes?!!! You’re ****ing snoring. Don’t you dare.”

Mel: "You wanted the number to my therapist? Don’t you ever speak to him! Find your own goddamn therapist! Because you’ve got problems more than me!”

Mel: “You gotta push my ****ing buttons and it’s not going to work with us! It’s not! I can’t get like this anymore. And you know you’re doing it, and you’re a liar, and you’re dishonest ,and you’re ****ed up! So you stay the **** away from me!!!!! Take care of your ****ing son and I better have my daughter! I want my daughter, and a maid… they make their goddamn bed, which you did not.”

Mel is obsessed with four things: yelling, heavy breathing, getting blown, and the ****ing Jacuzzi. So why doesn't he stick his crucidick into the jet already like a normal person! Wait. Are we sure this isn't just viral marketing for Jacuzzi?

In related news, TMZ reports that OctoSana has been getting death threats over the phone. For OctoSana, a phone is a portal for dark-sidedness so she should probably just bury that **** in the rose garden for now.
dlisted

 

[Kenysha75]

MAD MEL 5: This Is Never Going To End

It's that time of day where we all gather on top of the stairs together and hold our teddy bears as we listen to Mel Gibson turn inside out while calling Oksana Grigorieva a b*tch, wh*re, ****, gold digger, lazy blow job giver, Jacuzzi hoarder, etc.... These Blow Mel Gibson tapes have become such an important part of our daily lives. It won't be long before we're all greeting each other with: "Smile and blow me, you **** wh*re b*tch!" I really can't wait, because saying "Hello, how are you?" all the time is getting boring.

Before you listen to Blow Mel pop a stress ball with his *******, let's go over a rumor surrounding the leaked tapes. TMZ says that Mel's lawyers have evidence that the tapes have been chopped, edited and screwed with. If Mel's lawyers can prove this ****, the tapes won't be accepted as evidence by the court. Radar says they haven't done anything to the tapes.

So you should feel a bit relieved in knowing that Mel might have screamed: "Because I’d like to show you what mean really is. b*tch, ****, gold digger!" instead of "Because I’d like to show you what mean really is. b*tch, ****, wh*re, gold digger!" OctoSana threw that "wh*re" in to make Mel sound like he's really swan diving off the edge. Now on to the tape!

In this tape from Radar, Mel cries about being forced to sell his precious Lakers box and a few paintings thanks to OctoSana and his ex-wife. Mel goes on and on about how OctoSana is a gold digging wh*re who has left him broke. As usual, here's a few quotes in case you're sick of getting turned on by hearing Mel's voice.

Mel: “I don’t have any ****ing money! I have to support you and everybody else! I have to sell paintings. I have to sell my box at the Lakers game!"

OctoSana: "You're the meanest person I know."
Mel: "WHAT!? Yeah, you know what mean is now. Don't you? I like to show you what mean really is, b*tch, ****, wh*re, gold digger."

Mel: "You used me and you are telling me and proving to me what you were and what I suspected! ****ing user! You ****ing used me! I will never forgive you!"

OctoSana: "You ruined my life and you didn't give me a penny!"
Mel: You ruined my life first! I ruined your life? How did I ruin your life? I gave you ****! You gave me nothing but ****ing grief! Alright? And bad publicity, you ****! How did I ruin your life?

Mel: "Look at what you've ****ing done! Look at your son! He's a ****ing mess! You ****ing excuse for a mother! You're a ****ing b*tch!"
OctoSana: "You're the worst father I've ever met. Goodbye." CLICK

If the producers of Nightmare on Elm Street are ever looking for a new Freddy Krueger, Mel is their monster! Seriously, Mel sounds like a constipated and sexually frustrated Freddy Krueger throwing a tantrum because one of the kids stole his hat. Nightmare on MEL Street is more like it.

Hearing Mel call OctoSana's 12-year-old son a "mess" made me laugh uncomfortably. After Mel throws around more "****s" and "cunts" than a Scorcese movie, he chooses the G-rated word "mess" to describe her son. Mel really does have a heart. That might be his greatest punchline (inappropriate pun not intended) yet. And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go put two steaks on my ears.
dlisted

 

[Kenysha75]

Stand By Your Ex-Man

Robyn Gibson, seen here after getting her hair done by Edward Scissorhands, has submitted a 1-page sworn declaration to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department stating that Mel Gibson never buried her in a rose garden or beat her in the side of the head with a bat during their 28 years of marriage. According to TMZ, Robyn wrote:

"Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during or after our marriage. Mel was a wonderful and loving father."

But did Robyn ever blow Mel? This is important information, because I don't think Mel has ever been blown. EVER.
dlisted

 

[hedur]

Robyn Gibson, seen here after getting her hair done by Edward Scissorhands,

 

[Kenysha75]

And Now There's A Picture....

Radar Online has given your ear holes the day off from getting fuc*ed without lube by Mel Gibson's voice, but they're going after your eye balls instead. Radar posted a picture of Oksana Grigorieva taken shortly after Mel Gibson allegedly punched her in the eyes and mouth while she was holding their baby. The picture is here http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/world-exclusive-photo-oksana-after-she-says-mel-gibson-punched-her-mouth if you need to see it. With the giant as* pink Radar over it, you can't really see any bruises on her face, but there's a clear view of OctoSana's broken teefs.

The picture has been turned over to the L.A. County Sheriff's department as evidence in their domestic abuse case against Blow Mel. OctoSana told the police that she lost a veneer and her front tooth got messed up something bad. OctoSana's dentist told police that he believes her broken teefs were caused by severe blunt force trauma. BUT (There's always one of those)....

TMZ's source is spitting up a different story. Their "law enforcement source" (It helped me to picture this dude as their law enforcement source) thinks something in the holy water ain't clean about the pictures and video of OctoSana's injuries. One source said that there's really no evidence that she was hit in the face. To them, it doesn't look like there was any damage to her soft tissue and her teeth remained intact. They said that one veneer was knocked out and another one was severely chipped. One expert believes that OctoSana might have done it to herself. SANTO DIOS!

Mel is crazier than a pack of rabid possums on a 5150 hold, so I totally believe that he's capable of bringing the passion of his fist onto anybody who goes into the Jacuzzi without him or refuses to blow him with a smile. Even thinking of blowing Mel makes my teeth hurt. And would OctoSana really pull some Taylor from Melrose Place shi* by hitting herself with the door and then blaming it on Mel? Before you ponder that, let's give ourselves a brain cleanse.

Here's a kitten wrestling a watermelon:

Dlisted

 

[Kenysha75]

Open Post: Hosted By Jack Osbourne's T-Shirt

Someone had to do it, I guess. But please tell me the proceeds from the sale of this t-shirt are going to the Anti-Defamation League, the NAACP, the NCADV, and the "Buy Mel Gibson A Fuc*ing Blow Job Already" Fund.
dlisted