The Hills

[Zposen]

Lauren Ditches ‘The Hills’ — and We Are Entertained!

Audrina and Lo, uneasily left to their own devices. Drink through the awkward, girls!Photo: Courtesy of MTV

People, we’ve figured out how to save The Hills! Ship Lauren off to Europe every episode! We finally get some action on this godforsaken show, all due to the fact that L.C. was on a merry holiday in Italia. With no phone service. The show starts as Lauren’s packing for her trip. Lo are Audrina are left home alone without their master, and the pair seriously do look like sad puppy dogs when Lauren pulls out of the driveway. Well, Audrina looks like a sad, skanky puppy dog with lots of cleavage, that is.
Stephanie comes over to visit Lo and Audrina, and Audrina can’t figure out how to buzz her in. Audrina, sweetie, you press the button … yes … good … you did it! We’re so proud. They chat about compelling issues, like how tan Audrina is; she laid out and drank strawberry mojitos all weekend. Nice life, wrinkles. Then the reveal: Stephanie tells Audrina that Doug asked her out, and Aud advises her to wait to speak to Lauren before she goes out with him. Then Steph finally betrays her true, duplicitous character and asks, “How would she find out?” And then Audrina finally reveals her true, gossipy character, and replies, “I don’t know…” Audrina, you sneaky devil!

Meanwhile, Lo and Audrina make do with one another and have lunch at Fred Segal — this is wonderfully awkward since, you know, they hate each other. “La, la, la,” says Lo. That is seriously all she can think of to say. Audrina spills the beans about Stephanie and Doug, and Lo is shocked. “Why would you want sloppy seconds?” asks Audrina, wisely. Why wasn't she so wise when Stephanie asked about it?

Lo and Audrina head over to Goa that night and get drunk and close-talk. Seriously, when we’re drunk, do we insist on spitting in our friends' ears like that? Probably. Spencer and Heidi walk in (shocker!), and Heidi comes over to the girls to chat. Lo politely turns her back, always keeping it real. Heidi and Audrina hug. “Me and you were really good friends when I first met you,” says Audrina, queen of incorrect grammar. And then Audrina tells Heidi about Stephanie and Doug. Can we step back for a minute and talk about how awesome Audrina is in this episode? She clearly feels like it’s her duty to spread the info about Stephanie and Doug and is totally enjoying being in the loop again. And in this petty way, she’s becoming less of a moronic cartoon, and more relatable (full disclosure: Our family calls us “the vault” … sarcastically). Whatever, family, spreading gossip is fun!

At some other party, we get the mandatory Justin Bobby appearance: This week, he wears a hat that says Hooligans on the inside brim. Spencer, a fan of douche-y hats, likes it. Then they talk about Batman — perhaps the closest this show has come to acknowledging the larger world.

Finally, we get to Doug and Stephanie's date — not surprisingly, it's just like when Doug and Lauren went out, only more boring. Yes, that's possible. And, wouldn’t you know it, Brody’s mom is in the same restaurant and comes to say hi to the kids. She is one skinny, crazy-looking blonde woman. Doug and Steph are upset by her appearance, as it means their very well-kept secret is out.

Cut to Audrina telling her work friend about Stephanie and Doug. Girl is obsessed! We’re calling Audrina “the vault” from now on. Our nickname has officially been handed over. Congrats.

Lauren eventually returns, and Stephanie’s gonna be in trouble. But first, allow Lauren to expound on the virtues of Italy: “You know how when you walk by a construction site? And all the guys, like, whistle at you? Italy’s kind of like a construction site.” Audrina, excited to finally tell her story to the one person it could hurt, informs Lauren about Stephanie and Doug. You’ve come full circle tonight, Audrina. Good work.

Next week: Stephanie and Doug try to lie some more about their relationship. We’re sure that’s going to work out. Heidi’s mom visits and cries. Whoopee!

And now, our Unequivocal Hills Reality Index:

As Real As Lauren Is Skeeved Out by Italian Men
• Spencer’s obsession with the Joker. Dude hasn’t found a character that close to his heart since Hannibal Lector.
• Stephanie’s immorality. Okay, so the whole Doug thing was probably an MTV setup, but we really do believe that she didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. She is Spencer’s sister, after all.
• Audrina’s compulsion to spill the beans. Been there, done that. Very real.

As Fake As Stephanie and Doug’s Love
• Audrina and Lo’s one-episode friendship. Poor Lo, being forced by MTV to hang out with vapid Audrina.
• Everything about Brody’s mom. Her lips, her hair, the fact that she just happened to be at the same restaurant as Doug and Stephanie…
• Heidi and Audrina’s run-in. There was some classic MTV staging going on in that scene.

nymag.com

 

[Lexxie R]

Thanks!

 

[poptheglock]

Stephanie and Doug were funny, worrying about Lauren finding out, hello you are having a date on tv?!!!!

LOL

 

[erojoy]

they need to stop hating on audrina, i like her. she may not seem super smart, but she seems most down to earth and just chill. a rock and roller like myself...and hey wait i though lo was supposed to be the one no one likes. haha

why do i even care right?

 

[I_Want_That_One]

This is just the Jen Bunny/Brody/Lauren triangle from like 2 seasons ago only this time its Stephanie/Dough/Lauren. Me thinks Lauren is going to "realize" she still has "feelings" for Doug and wage a social attack on She-Pratt..new story lines, please.

 

[colourmefashion]

Lauren shouldn't care if Stephanie and Doug date. She can't control who they date.
Plus, she's the one who broke off the dating in the first place and wanting to be just friends.
She has no claim on him what-so-ever.

And I don't really think the whole "Shouldn't date a friends ex" really applies to this kind of situation because they only went out on a few dates, and I'm pretty sure they weren't an offical couple, so therefore he's not really an "ex" just a date.

 

[Madhuri]

Sorry but it is disrespectful , not to mention tacky, to date someone your friend just dated without at least giving them a heads up about it. I don't think Lauren wants to "control" who Steph/Doug dates but I'm sure she would prefer basic, upfront dialogue and not the sneaky manner they engage in that leads to awkwardness and gossiping.

 

[stateofbliss]

^ You know they only "dated" to get screentime. That's probably what Lauren thought was shady, but of course the producers would edit that out if she said "hey...those two are trying to get me pissed so that they'll get more screentime, thus more fame". They were both on E! and Stephanie kept emphasizing that it wasn't a date and that she doesn't do sloppy seconds and Doug said that he was just helping her out with boy problems. I highly doubt ShePratt is Doug's type.

 

[colourmefashion]

Sorry but it is disrespectful , not to mention tacky, to date someone your friend just dated without at least giving them a heads up about it. I don't think Lauren wants to "control" who Steph/Doug dates but I'm sure she would prefer basic, upfront dialogue and not the sneaky manner they engage in that leads to awkwardness and gossiping.

Well this "date" happened while Lauren was in Italy, and I'm sure Stephanie didn't want to track Lauren down while she was spending time with family just to tell her she was going to dinner with Doug.

They shouldn't have to worry about Lauren and what Lauren thinks, they're grown ups they can do what they please. They don't need Lauren's permission.

Plus, if they were going to dinner as "just friends" they shouldn't have to worry at all.

Doug and Stephanie are friends, they can hang out with each other without anyone else if they wanted to.

 

[Princess2008]

Audrina has become a busy body, no need to blab the date to everyone. I didnt care for her at all on the last episode.

 

[Madhuri]

They shouldn't have to worry about Lauren and what Lauren thinks, they're grown ups they can do what they please. They don't need Lauren's permission.
Plus, if they were going to dinner as "just friends" they shouldn't have to worry at all.

Doug and Stephanie are friends, they can hang out with each other without anyone else if they wanted to.

It's not about getting Lauren's "permission" it's about being courteous and making sure she knows what's going on before she becomes the target of embarrassing gossip. I would rather be able to say "Yeah, my friend Steph told me Doug asked her out," than to be the last person to know and have everyone gossiping about it and waiting on standby for my reaction. If Stephanie is Lauren's friend she should care what Lauren thinks.

 

[colourmefashion]

And Im sure Steph would have told her if Lauren wasn't out of the country.

 

[miche]

Doug should just shut up and steph need to stop crying all the time

 

[stateofbliss]

I loved how Brody called Stephanie out for texting Doug late at night. She was really embarrassed and tried to get him to shut up because she wasn't expecting to get called out like that.
Doug is so boring. Awful liar too.

I LOVED Lauren this episode. She didn't really give a crap about Doug, laughed him off when he called her a "fling", went to console Stephanie, but when Stephanie busted out with those crocodile tears hoping to get more from all this, Lauren was just like whatever and walked away. Spencer was right about one thing - Stephanie can cry at any moment.

Lauren and Whitney were so cute. Whitney spitting all that water out was hilarious. I love how she told Doug she didn't know him, but she didn't want to know him either (or something to that effect).

Heidi's mom's crocodile tears and fake concern were hilarious. Darlene's totally trying to get into the entertainment biz too.

How could she not know that Heidi and Spencer were living together? Please. All she has to do is google her daughter to find out. Plus, she's participated in enough "staged candids" with Speidi, one of those being on Mother's Day, and one even before that. There's been a couple of pics of Darlene, Holly, Heidi and Spencer out on the town with Joe Francis as well.

Mom's a better actress than Heidi though. When she "cried", Heidi couldn't even show much emotion.

 

[Zposen]

Best epi of the season by far...

Me no likey Doug no more and it has less to do with his lying (quite badly at that) but the numerous portraits of himself that hung oh so nicely at his house. Egotistical much?

Lauren and Lauren/Whitney were so adorable... I wish the show was just about them working in fashion... it would be so good. They are so fun to watch interact... So happy Lauren did not go the melodramatic route that her script often call for... it seems that part of her found the whole situation ridiculous and thus amusing

ShePratt is not only a liar but she is so stupid, which is her main problem. She seems to be perpetually stoned.

Brody is so loved, and he can do hardly any wrong in my book, HA!

The Heidi/Spencer/Montag saga is so boring and contrived... it's not worth commenting on except to say that her mother has no shame.

Lastly, Heidi wears more makeup that all the rest of the girls combine

 

[lady B]

Lauren is ridiculous and stupid,I wonder if she sees herself in the show before it airs.She needs to get over herself,she told Doug that she didn't want to date him anymore.So wtf is the problem here ?

For the first time,I wanted to punch her in the face.I felt bad for Doug seriously.Does he reallly has to justify himself in the front of everybody for such a thing ? Is it really necessary ?They went on two dates,it's nothing

Lauren please get off your high horse !


Anyway next week looks like it's going be a very boring episode but, I'll watch as always

 

[Zposen]

^The problem is that they lied to cover it up. Lauren even told Whitney that Doug was not worth fighting with a friend for... so she was anything but ridiculous last epi. Stephanie had been straight up and told Lauren when she came back that she liked Doug and went on a few dates with him... Lauren would probably be ok with it.

Plus, Doug could not keep his mouth shut showing Brody Steph late night booty call texts... which Im sure Brody went straight to tell Lauren.

Anyways, Lauren handled herself quite well she was laughing the whole time Doug was trying to covers his lies to everyone.

 

[112fan]

yea i agree...stephanie could have simply waited until lauren got back and told her like a true friend face to face that doug asked her out...their date wasn't so urgent that she couldn't wait till lauren got back was it?

 

[lady B]

^
Nobody here is trying to say the opposite.I do agree on the fact that she should have told Lauren but I don't think that she should have asked permission.That's all.

And Zposen,they didn't lie.Stephanie wanted to come up with something because she didn't want to tell Lauren. But Doug told her that he had nothing to hide ( that's what I understood).

When it comes to Lauren,I think that for a person who doesn't care,she asked a lot of questions.If she thoughts that that Doug was not worth fighting with a friend ,than why acting all weird when "your friend" tries to talk to you ?

I think that she's pretending not to care.She was mad at Stephanie and Doug no matter what she said,it was obvious and the way she left the party by living Stephanie behind,prooves it IMO.

But I guess,I'm the only who saw that !

 

[stateofbliss]

Stephanie continued to lie though and then tried to blame Doug and Brody for getting in between them and trying to start crap. Lauren just didn't want to hear more lies. Why should she? So she walked away from the drama?

Also, what was Stephanie doing sitting in Doug's room after hearing all that crap he said about her? I would have walked out just like Lauren did. The only reason she apologized to Lauren was because Doug threw her under the bus. She probably thought he'd stick up for her and was horrified when he didn't. She was even more embarrased when Brody called her out about texting Doug. She didn't want the cameras to catch that. She was telling Lauren that Doug was after her the entire time and that she wasn't into him - which was a huge lie. She should have just been straight forward.