softgrey
flaunt the imperfection
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2004
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Originally posted by stylegurrl@Sep 21 2004, 03:13 PM
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heh...heh...
Originally posted by stylegurrl@Sep 21 2004, 03:13 PM
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HOLLYWOOD -- After watching the entire first season of MTV’s “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica,” Los Angeles Superior Court Justice Clifford Turner has granted a pre-emptive divorce to Nick Lachey from his wife, Jessica Simpson.
The ruling is believed to be the first time that a court has ever approved a divorce before either married party files in court.
“I was visiting my daughter and she explained that she had an entire season of this show on her TiVO that I just had to see,” Justice Turner explained. “After watching the details of Mr. Lachey and Ms. Simpson’s married life, I felt that out of a basic respect for human rights, I had to get Nick out of there.”
He added, “This is the slow season for divorces anyway, so I figured I might as well get some inevitable future work out of the way now.”
According to legal experts, Justice Turner’s decision, while groundbreaking, makes perfect sense, as the first season of “Newlyweds” has all the elements of a successful divorce case on the rarely cited grounds of “irreconcilable intellects.”
“I don’t know if those producers have experience in divorce law, but this season was the most brilliant plaintiff’s presentation I’ve ever seen,” said Sander Abelson, a professor of law at Washington University. “The episode where she brought her Louis Vitton bag camping would cinch it for any judge in his or her right mind.”
Abelson added that a montage of quotes from Simpson, including her inquiry as to whether Chicken of the Sea is fish or chicken, her purchase of two bras and two panties for $750 without looking at the price tags, and her assertion upon being served buffalo wings that “I don’t eat buffalo” would surely win Lachey control of the vast majority of the couple’s assets as well as generous alimony.
The law for “irreconcilable intellects” states that a couple must be of such disparate intelligences that they are literally incapable of understanding each other’s decisions. Kenneth Tyre, a psychologist and expert on intelligence, said that the law has previously only been utilized once before, in the case of a Nobel laureate married to someone who received severe brain trauma in a car accident, but that Lachey and Simpson were a perfect fit for the statute.
“It’s not that Nick’s exactly a genius,” observed Tyre. “We’re talking about a guy who moved heavy furniture into his house over a ladder and who, more fundamentally, chose to marry Jessica Simpson and air their marriage on national television. But research shows people judge intelligence based on comparisons to those around them, which is why Nick Lachey has already been offered admittance to Mensa.”
An MTV representative declined to comment on the judge’s ruling, but said to look out for an unspecified show the network will be producing next year in conjunction with Court TV.
Originally posted by sugarpea+Sep 21 2004, 10:56 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(sugarpea @ Sep 21 2004, 10:56 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'>true, her talent wont help keep them afloat...but that chest may help out a little
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i somewhat believe this, if they were a normal couple then maybe this wouldn't be a big deal and probably work, but they got camera all on them for teh show and all of a sudden the press is breathing down jessica simpson's neck and nick is always kinda to the side in terms of publicity and jessica is stupid enough to keep playing up the dumb blonde ditzy part for the cameras and i wouldn't blame Nick if he felt somewhat soffucated and tiring of her dumb ways. i'm not wishing for any bad things to happen to their marriage but I can see how their nmarraige is in troubles.
Originally posted by Misako@Sep 27 2004, 04:21 PM
I'm more amused than annoyed - I really dislike Jessica...lol.
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Originally posted by softgrey@Sep 21 2004, 02:10 PM
...WHAT...?!?!?!?...you mean audible belching and farting in public isn't the way to keep a man???!!!???!!?.... ...i'm flabbergasted...!!!
what do these men want from us... ...isn't it enough that we spray ourselves with toxic fake tan everyday...glue synthetic hair on our heads...and glue low cut tops to our half exposed breasts with toupe tape...??!!???...all the while teetering on a shoe which is not much more than a nail with a couple of straps to hold it on...
you mean we actually have to have a PERSONALITY and A BRAIN too...gaahh!!!
that's just too much for my tiny head to take...