John Mayer fuc*s & tells

Discussion in 'In the News...' started by Kenysha75, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Kenysha75

    Kenysha75 New Member

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    [​IMG]
    Ladies who make the decision to fuc*on John Mayer should get him to sign a confidenitality agreement before he sticks the tip in. Unless you're okay with him vomiting up all the details to anybody who sticks a tape recorder in his face. And this is exactly what John Mayer did to Playboy (via UsWeekly) about Jessica Simpson's sex skills. According to John, Jessica's vagina should come with a prescription for methadone, because it had him foaming at all three of his mouths. Open up and get ready to gargle with a splash of lukewarm douchewater:

    John on Jessica being his drug: "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just ****ing snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuc* you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep fuc*ing you.'"

    John on Jennifer Aniston dumping his as* because he is a Tweet-ker: "There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"

    John on how many girls he's screwed since Aniston: "I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less as* now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."

    John on how he's upping his famewhore game in 2010: "From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the sh*t out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's ****ed up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even fuc*ing. So now I'm going to experiment with 'fuc* you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."

    A John Mayer interview is like a cheesy dick. You know it's going to be painful, but you still plug your nose and give it a lick because the sl*t in you just can't resist. And once you're done with it, you're left with an awful taste in your mouth that not even Listerine can cure. But John still makes me laugh (Yes, I'll bash myself in the head with the Listerine bottle after I rinse my mouth out).

    And you know Papa Joe is going to tape this interview to the wall in front of his favorite toilet. That's his Jess!

    dlisted
     
    #1 Kenysha75, Feb 11, 2010
    Last edited by moderator maam: Feb 11, 2010
  2. Kenysha75

    Kenysha75 New Member

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    And There's More....

    Here's even more Imodium-laced quotes from John Mayer's Playboy interview. John has already said that Jessica Simpson gets an A plus at fuk times and Jennifer Aniston wants to time travel back to 1998. John also talked about how he has a "hood pass" and how his penis is a members of the KKK.
    [​IMG]

    When asked if black women try to get with him, John answered: "I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fucin' David Duke ****. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."

    John should really turn that quote into a jingle.

    Playboy wanted to dig further by asking his as* which black women he thinks are hot: "I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She's superhot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, 'Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.' And you'd be like, 'What? We weren't talking about that.'"

    And about that "hood pass," John explained it like this: "Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a ****er pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We’re full.’

    What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s."

    Where do we begin? Actually, let's not, because my brain is still stuck on picturing John Nightmayer's penis in a KKK robe. NOT TODAY.

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  3. lizbabe09

    lizbabe09 New Member

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    What a douchebag.
     
  4. Jenna-maria

    Jenna-maria New Member

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    He Is Stupid!
     
  5. sojou

    sojou Member

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    Those comments...trying to say shocking/cool/profound things...what a try-hard! He's like the male equivalent of Megan Fox

    .
     
  6. tullepen

    tullepen New Member

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    This is disgusting...why did I come here to read it?! men are swine.
     
  7. lady B

    lady B New Member

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    I knew this would make it to TFS.I knew it ...
    Oh John,as much I love you.I can defend you this time ..... -_-
     
  8. Urban Stylin

    Urban Stylin ɐʎ ʎǝɥ

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    Apparently he broke down on stage and apologised for the comments....seems like a nervous breakdown in progress
     
  9. lady B

    lady B New Member

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    ^ Yep !



    To be honest,I'm black and as much as think that what he said was more than wrong.I almost cryed.He seems deeply sorry.
     
  10. Decalion

    Decalion New Member

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    I'm upset that people think they're offended by this. Nobody seems to possess any ironic sense whatsoever. Now the dude's going self-censor so much in interviews, he'll come across like the more typical dull celebrity.
     
  11. pacersfanatic36

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    I think he's sorry he got called out (nothing more). And, initially, he only acknowledged the racial slur (as if that was the only place where he crossed the line). He didn't apologize for the sexism, homophobia, entitlement, or even the racism. He's just sorry he used one word.

    Moreover, he's done stuff like this multiple times over (the stand-up incident, the r*pe jokes, etc.) He's the epitome of the hipster racist/homophobe/sexist who thinks being "ironic" trumps all. I see it all the time.
     
  12. Kenysha75

    Kenysha75 New Member

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    John Mayer's Apology Train Rolls Into Nashville

    [​IMG]
    Yeah, I know your genitals curl up like a scared roly poly every time John Mayer's face pops up on your screen, but let's just get through this last one together because now he's bringing his tears into it. And when John cries Balloon Boy-laced tears, your soul makes a happy face.

    So...a vagina's worst enemy already apologized on his Twatter for offending mostly everyone with his words of douchefuc*ery (i.e. white supremacist dick, the n-word, blah, blah blah). But at the end of his show in Nashville last night, the stoner who gives all stoners a bad name launched into another long as* apology to his screaming fans and his band. While the band played on, John announced that he is going to quit the media game and end his "quest to be clever." Clip is below. Instead of his band playing, there should've been a tiny mouse with a tinier violin on stage. Better yet, Keyboard Cat should've played him off as soon as he said "quest to be cle-."


    And if John really wanted to prove he's sorry, he should travel around the world and hand everyone a little lesbian as a peace offering (like he is in the picture above). A little lesbian cures everything (okay, okay, I'll admit that my own quest to be clever is like the maiden voyage of the Titanic).
    dlisted
     
    #12 Kenysha75, Feb 11, 2010
    Last edited by moderator maam: Feb 11, 2010
  13. advo

    advo New Member

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    LOL, reading these comments from him just confirms to me that he's a total douche. Of course, I never liked him to begin with, so maybe I'm biased :lol:.
     
  14. IAmLordZen

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    :lol: Oh John, I don't even know where to begin.
     
  15. iluvjeisa

    iluvjeisa clever ain't wise

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    Well, that's pretty good PR for Jessica soon-to-be-gone-from-public-consciousness-like-she-never-existed Simpson. :lol:
     
  16. Harumi

    Harumi New Member

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    I love how his apology is basically saying: 'I'm sorry you are too dense to get my vast intellect. I will not bother trying to inspire the witless masses with my brilliant sound-bites anymore."

    Why, thank you douchebag! It's the intention that matters.
     
  17. farou7a

    farou7a New Member

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    he really IS a douche.

    Look at this!

     
  18. á la Balenciaga

    á la Balenciaga Active Member

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    well, he's ****ing stupid and immature.
    this guy is no longer a teenage kid, he's a freaking man
    with hairs on his crotch! he needs to grow up. he's lame,
    stupid and annoying. i don't even know how some women
    find this douchebag attractive? he's so yucky.
     
  19. MulletProof

    MulletProof Well-Known Member

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    ^^ :lol: very true, Harumi.

    Knowing this is coming from the guy that sang 'your body is a wonderland' and other similar, s*it, supermarket-soundtrack kind of music.. somehow I'm offended.
     
  20. farou7a

    farou7a New Member

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    to be honest, women who have chosen to date him after KNOWING what hes like, ask to be a part of this nonsense too.
     

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