Justin Bieber

[Kenysha75]

Justin Bieber Actually Has A Forehead

Justin Bieber wanted to dispel the urban legend that the curtain of gilded Cherub hair on his head is hiding the portal to the Kingdom of Caring, so he pulled it up and revealed a mortal forehead. Just like that, millions of Beliebers just dumped the mound of Runway Magic Pony hair they cuddle with at night and replaced it with the cut out forehead of a Cabbage Patch doll.

Some of you might be hearing the faint sound of a Robert Pattinson unicorn singing into the night air when you look at this picture, but I'm getting more of a Marcel from Top Chef vibe. Well, if Marcel was a baby lesbian competing in Top Easy Bake Oven Chef.
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[Mirik]

Seventeen Mexico January 2011 ebook30.com

 

[NakedIfIWantTo]

OMG he was so cute as a baby

 

[Kenysha75]

This Is Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber normally looks like a grown woman posing as a 12-year-old boy decoy in To Catch A Predator, but in Best Buy's Super Bowl commercial he looked like the exact opposite. Hairy beaver alert. Justin perfectly resembled a middle-aged child toucher who smells like gasoline and body odor and shows up to the decoy's house with a bag full of condoms, duct tape, Slim Jims, Spanish Fly and a mix CD of boy band songs. That's definitely the face you'd find staring back at you if you went to investigate the strange rustling noise in the bushes outside of your bedroom window. A face that only mace and the National Sex Offender Registry could love. This is The Lesbeaver's way of proving to all of us that he can successfully star in a one-Bieber production of The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane.

And if Geico ever needs someone to play a caveman inspired by Peter Horton, they know where to find Justin.

Here's the hairless Beaver strolling around with his cougar girlfriend Selena Kay Letourneau in Santa Monica yesterday. For someone who will have to enter the Witness Protection Program in a few months, Selena looks so happy. It's amazing what a publicist's love arrow can do. Girl better be getting a cut of Justin's profits, because she's going to need it to get a face transplant and head lipo so the crazed Beliebers don't recognize her
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[Kenysha75]

The Beliebers Declare War On Esperanza Spalding

"Esperanza Spalding" became the most hated words in a Belieber's vocabulary next to "potty training time" when she drop kicked Justin Bieber's high chair by beating him in the Best New Artist category at the Grammys last night. While most us were Googling Esperanza Spalding to find out who the fuc* she is, the Beliebers (who were already suffering through a severe kind of hyperness from staying up past their bedtimes) vandalized her Wikipedia page with their sprays of Gerber graffiti. Gawker got a screen shot of some of their work and also pointed us to the edit page where you can see all the shots fired by the Beliebers.

They changed Esperanza's middle name to "Quesadilla" (which is a delicious middle name) and called her a "fuc*ing reatard" who needs to "go die in a hole." And they did all of this on a school night! Cut to thousands of Beliebers with a rage hangover this morning. How are they going to scribble out an "I HATE YOU DIE DIE" tiny Valentine to Esperanza on the broken heart from the Operation game when they can't lift their heads off their desks?

Esperanza looks like a hybrid of Santana from Glee and Janelle Monae, so you'd think the Beliebers would raise their rattles for her. They really need to coat their teething rings with weed butter, because it's not that serious. There's no need to ruin your parents' Valentine's Day by crying out for Justin Bieber on the baby monitor. Justin will soon win a Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the cure for dandruff in the tips of the dream strings on his head, so a Grammy really ain't shi*.

Here's more of international hero Esperanza Spalding and Justin Bieber (with Uncle Usher, Jaden Smith and his parents) at the Grammys last night.
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[Kenysha75]

Why Did Jonah's Teenager Looooose?!


Esperanza Spalding now has a face to go with all the thousands of "DIE IN A HOLE" text messages that have been bombing her phone ever since she "took" candy a Grammy from a baby Bieber. This is young Jonah, one of the more mature Beliebers out there, letting out a trail of tears over his teenager losing the Grammy. Esperanza Spalding! You are making the children cry! How dare you make better music than Justin Bieber! HAVE YOU NO HEART?!

Some of you might think it was wrong of Jonah's parents to record the saddest moment in his life and upload it to YouTube, but I'm all for people embarrassing their kids as soon as possible. Every parent should do it. You never know when you'll need ammunition for a future battle. Sometime in the future when Jonah is complaining about how his parents won't let him do something, they can just pull out this video and BOOM. It's over. Seeing your young self crying over the Bieber will render you mute every time.

And there's something about how Jonah keeps calling Justin "his teenager." It's like if Gollum was a child named Jonah and his "precious preeeecious" was a teenager named Justin Bieber. Lord of the.....WRONGS.
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[Kenysha75]

Deep Thoughts With Justin Bieber

After reading Kim Kardashian's essay on the state of North Korea in the New York Times, didn't you think to yourself that she makes some good points but you really want to know what Justin Bieber's thoughts are? And when sat front row center at Bristol Palin's "Don't FUC*" speaking engagement, didn't you wonder WWJBT? Well, Rolling Stone is on that shi* for you.

They jumped into The Lesbeaver's play pen near the damn and gave him a wood cookie for every question he answered completely. The Bieber did it! Rolling Stone's Vanessa Grigoriadi asked 16-year-old Justin about politics, abortion, America vs. Canada and sex. Note: Shortly after Vanessa asked the sex question, undercover officers tackled her to the ground, secured her hands with plastic tie cuffs, escorted her to an off-site trailer and booked her. The Lesbeaver is a forever chaste toddler angel and his innocence must be preserved for all time. I mean, asking Justin about sex is like fingering a momma lamb in front of her baby.

Now on to Justin's deep thoughts about deep issues:

On S-E-X: "I don't think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them. I think you should just wait for the person you're...in love with."

On if he ever wants to become an American citizen: "You guys are evil," he says with a laugh. "Canada's the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don't need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you're broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home." (Ed note: I knew there was a good reason for why our health care system is shi*)

On which political party he'll support when he's old enough to vote: "I'm not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad."

On abortion: "I really don't believe in abortion It's like killing a baby?" How about in cases of r*pe? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

Justin's "It's like killing a baby?" question has shades of "how is babby formed?" on it. If only there was a way for me to abort his "Baby Baby Baby" song that won't leave my head thanks to GLEE.

And we should thank the Vili Fualaau to Selena Gomez's Mary Kay Letourneau for not saying that you should want until marriage to hump. There are millions of Beliebers who treat his words as the RULES OF LIFE! I mean, I really don't want to stroll into court to once again answer to the restraining order Mah Boo has against me and see a long line of Beliebers trying to marry their Justin Bieber pillow cases and shi*. So thanks for that, Bieber.
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[NakedIfIWantTo]

Lol a pretty awful cover.
Whatever they have in Korea?

Another tidbit from Justjared:

During the interview, we learn that Justin’s computer wallpaper is a picture of himself and his girlfriend, fellow teen star Selena Gomez, against an orange sunset.

Oh my god!

 

[Kenysha75]

Rolling Stone And Justin Bieber Would Like To Clear Something Up

Justin Bieber is about 6-minutes out of the womb and so the thought of abortion is probably both confusing and really fuc*ing threatening to him. But that didn't stop Rolling Stone's Vanessa Grigoriadis from asking him what his thoughts about abortion and r*pe pregnancies at the age of 16. The Lesbeaver's answer suddenly made him a pro-life advocate and accidental r*pe apologist. Rolling Stone and Justin Bieber are now trying to smooth out the bubbles in the shi* puddle.

They have both jumped on their tricycles and are backpedaling straight into oncoming traffic. Rolling Stone issued a correction yesterday and apologized for leaving one sentence out of his "r*pe PREGNANCIES: Everything happens for a reason!" answer. This is what was originally printed:

"Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

And here's the new and still not improved quote in its entirety. I've bolded the new sentence in case your eyeballs are slightly blurry from being covered with a thick layer of fear due to the picture above.

"Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

Vanessa Grigoriadis defended Wade Bieber's comments to Popeater and said he didn't mean it like that.

"I think he meant that God has a plan. Even for the most die-hard Christian, it's hard to justify r*pe as part of God's plan, and harder to justify r*pe that leads to pregnancy and abortion. I think he was wrestling with that in his answer, which I found to be solid and logical. I think it is being widely misunderstood. He did not say that r*pe was part of God's plan."

And I don't think Justin Bieber becoming the famous singing toddler in the world was part of God's plan either.

We should all just back up, take a deep breath of bong smoke and fully realize that I'm writing and you're reading about a 16-year-old pop star's thoughts on abortion. It's come to this. I wonder if there's room on the Bieber's backpedaling tricycle headed for doom?
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[Kenysha75]

They Killed Justin Bieber!!!!


Millions of Beliebers called in sad to pre-preschool this morning after their personal pan JESUS was shot up and killed on CSI last night. Somebody please try to get them off the ledge of their cribs by offering them an extra dessert with their Lunchables. They don't understand how this happened. They were taught in bible school that Justin Bieber is an immortal holy spirit that was created when a lesbian cherub farted at the same time Jesus burped. They didn't know Justin bleeds actually blood instead of stuffed animal stuffing. We're all screaming WHY WHY WHY????? (But for totally different reasons).

In times like this, the Beliebers need to recite a scripture by their messiah. Biebercus 13:12: Everything happens for a reason. Even Cabbage Patch doll murder.
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[Mirik]

The Hollywood Reporter 18 February 2011 L.A. Reid, Justin Bieber, Usher by Jeff Lipsky
ebook30

 

[Kenysha75]

Bieber Goes Down


CSI made the children cry when they killed the reason for their coos this past Thursday night, and now this! Justin Bieber was voted MVP at the NBA All-Star Jam Session in L.A. on Friday night, but he almost didn't win that honor(?) because Common nearly trampled his as* on the court. Call Bieber Protective Services, because this is definitely toddler abuse. Bieber is as fragile as the wings on a Precious Moments figurine and the producers of CBS dramas and the organizers of charity events need to realize this! We should really put Justin in a plastic bubble to protect him from shi* like this forever. John Travolta knows what I'm talking about.
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[Kenysha75]

Biebs Don't Cry

As we all sing "The Bluest Eyes in Texas" next to Becky #1 from Roseanne in a dive bar in Nebraska, the freshly shorn golden locks of intertwined dreams from Justin Bieber have been gently placed in a white leather nap sack strapped to a Pegasus and sent up to heaven where the angels will make it into a weave for Jesus (yeah, hair plugs ain't shi* for him either). Yes, TMZ brings us the news that Justin Bieber took a pair of scissors to his hair and cut the Hamill out of his head today. Pieces of Justin's follicles will be auctioned off for charity. I know what you'll be doing tonight. Scalping your Ken dolls and selling it on eBay as 100% genuine Bieber hair. Make sure you dip it in holy water (vodka with a splash of bunny saliva will do) before you send it.

And thousands of young lesbians with golden bowl cuts have just let out a breath of relief.
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[Kenysha75]

Justin Bieber: NBA All-Star Game with Rihanna!

Justin Bieber and Rihanna chat it up at the 2011 NBA All-Star game in Los Angeles on Sunday (February 20).

The 16-year-old Baby singer also played the Celebrity Game on Friday night and won the MVP Award despite losing the game!

The talk of the All-Star weekend, however, was Blake Griffin dunking the basketball after jumping over a car! Check out the video below!

FYI: Justin is wearing a D&G leather jacket.

justjared

 

[Kenysha75]

Justin Bieber: NBA All-Star Game with Rihanna!

JUSTJARED

 

[NakedIfIWantTo]

He needs to grow taller ASAP!

 

[Kenysha75]

The Bieb Stayed Out Past His Curfew Last Night

But Selena Kay Letourneau wrote him a tardy letter to take to his guardians, so it was all good. At the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party last night, the sparkling Pedialyte started flowing as soon as the Portia and Ellen of the playground set strolled through the front doors and caused all eyes to fall on them. And by "all eyes," I mean all 3 of Vadge's, because ho gives the stare as soon as she smells virgin toddler blood. But Justin Bieber didn't seem to be bothered by Vadge sniffing on his goods to confirm that sure he's of pure blood. The Bieb stayed with Selena most of the night and held her hand. Okay.

Once again, Selena is 18 years old and Bieber is 16. Why didn't Chris Hansen parachute in, blow the whistle and instruct the FBI to drag Selena into the pedo van for booking? Not because I think she should, but because I really want to see Bieber break down into sad toddler tears while watching officers take his cougar girlfriend away. Speaking of sad tears...

In case you've ever wanted to get inside the head of a BELIEBER, check into a mental health facility now. But if you're already in one and want to go deeper, here's a video of Justin Bieber throwing subtle shade at the hands that spoon feed him.

My favorite part is when they tell Pedolena Gomez that she's so beautiful, and she can't even muster out a "thank you." Even PedoBear has manners!
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[Kenysha75]

Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez: Holding Hands at Oscar Party!

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez walk the red carpet at the Vanity Fair Oscars Party held at the Sunset Tower Hotel on Sunday (February 27) in West Hollywood, Calif.

The rumored couple were holding hands as they arrived to walk the red carpet and stayed close to each other the entire evening.

Stylist Basia Richard chose a gorgeous Dolce & Gabbana dress for Selena, along with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry, Brian Atwood shoes, and a Judith Leiber clutch.

Justin’s movie Never Say Never just released a Director’s Cut version for a one week engagement, which helped the film stay in the top ten at the weekend’s box office.

FYI: Justin suited up in Dolce & Gabbana and accessorized with BaubleBar “Pop” bracelets.

10+ pictures inside of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez at the party…

justjared.

 

[Kenysha75]

Selena Gomez & Justin Bieber Caught Kissing!

Justin Bieber plants a quick kiss on Selena Gomez outside the Vanity Fair Oscars Party held at Sunset Tower on Sunday (February 27) in West Hollywood, Calif.

PopCandies TV caught the two sharing the sweet moment on camera while they left the star-studded bash.

Selena, 18, and Justin, who turns 17 on Tuesday (March 1), held hands as they arrived at the party and stayed close to each other the entire evening.

DO YOU THINK Selena and Justin make a cute couple?

justjared

 

[Kenysha75]

Selena Gomez & Justin Bieber: Pinkberry Pair

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber share a sweet moment together while shopping on Tuesday (March 1) at a mall in Los Angeles.

Today is Justin’s 17th birthday. Happy b-day, Justin!!!

After popping into D&G and Louis Vuitton, the couple grabbed some frozen yogurt at Pinkberry before heading back to his car.

Over the weekend, Selena and Justin arrived at the Vanity Fair Oscar party holding hands and were later caught kissing outside the bash!’

FYI: Justin is wearing a D&G jacket!

35+ pictures of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber out on his birthday at
justjared