Kim Kardashian (please put all Kim news here)

[Kenysha75]

Negative Ten

And Dudley Moore just ran the other way... But on a positive note, when the entire paint team from Color Splash doesn't slather layers of Benjamin Moore (in shade: carob) and mahogany varnish on Kim Kardashian's face, she actually looks like a real-life human person who breathes in oxygen with the rest of us!
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justjared

 

[CherryBomb01]

Wow, that hair!!!

 

[Kenysha75]

Lips To Match Her As*

In today's "What in the Cheetara hell is Kim Kardashian doing to her face now?" non-news, Lil' Kim Kardashian left her house the other day with her bottom lip looking like a moth larvae that twitches at every camera flash. It hurts (example: like the finger of Khloe Kardashian's doctor when he gives her a prostate exam) to admit this, but Kim was naturally pretty before she shoved her face into the Wildenstein grinder and Lisa Rinna-ed her lips. But if she wants to look like The Weekly World News' favorite cover model, then I say keeping fuc*ing that Restylane needle!!
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[lizbabe09]

LOL @ the Thundercats reference. Her face looks rough jeez. She should quit while she's ahead.

 

[Deslin]

oooo girrrl stop please

 

[Kenysha75]

The Kardashian Klan Sued For $75 Million

The stupid Kardashian Kard was a dumb idea to begin with. Who in the hell wants to pay for their shi* with that krap kard? It's the quickest way of telling those around you, "Look! I'm an as*hole!" Even my "pig in a tutu" personal checks aren't as embarrassing as the Kardashian Kard (I think).

Even if the Kardashian Kard gave you 80% off of butt lub, a discount to Fatburger and purchase points to buy a Flip camera that you could use to shoot your own sex tape, it still wouldn't be worth it. But instead of giving out rewards, the Kardashian Kard TOOK! TOOK! TOOK!

The prepaid card cost $99.95 to own for the first year and $7.95 per month after that. Users had to pay $1 to $6 to load money onto the card and make ATM withdrawals. Because of this, the Connecticut Attorney General threw a side-eye at the card and accused it of charging "predatory fees." After the piss storm (and not the kind Kim is into) fell on the Kardashians, they terminated their contract with the debit card company. Naturally, the debit card company is suing them for $75 million for breach of contract. The Fresno Bee has the details:

Revenue Resource Group LLC says it lost millions of dollars after the sisters -- facing a firestorm of bad publicity over the card -- pulled out of the deal.

"It's our only choice," said Nancy Torosian, chief operating officer for the card company. "We have been severely financially impacted."

The lawsuit alleges the sisters improperly terminated a two-year contract to promote the Kardashian Kard, a MasterCard-approved prepaid debit card. The deal had called for the sisters to advertise the card on their websites and through social media. They also were supposed to appear at events on behalf of the company.

Many would feel a warm sense of satisfaction tinkle onto their hearts if the KKKs were stripped of the Spanx off their backs, but it doesn't need to go there. They can work this out. Kim should just buy thousands of Kardashian Kards, which she can melt down in a crock pot and inject into her lips. A win/win!
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[chanelslungbags]

^ Ridiculous

 

[Kenysha75]

Kim Kardashian Gives To Khrist

Kim Kardashian's pillow case looks like a bronzer-based Shrouds of Turin when she gets up every morning, but that isn't her only contribution to religion. Kim tells CNN's Piers Morgan that she generously gives a piece of her fortune to a church in Calabasas, CA every year. Strangely enough, the church was set up by her mother/wh*re pusher Kris Jenner. Hmm. I'll take Holy Tax Fronts for $200, Mister Trebek.

Kim explains to Piers how she puts the t*t in tithes, "Whatever it is, I give 10 per cent away to the church and that's what I was taught. Every year. Absolutely. There's a charity that I work with a lot that I donate money all the time - the Dream Foundation - and my mum has helped create a church, so we help fund that, it's in Calabasas."

I looked up Our Lady of Perpetual Fame Whores, Church of the Poison Faces and The Kathedral of St. Big as* in Calabasas, but nothing came up. That's a shame, because I really want to drop a coin in Kris' basket. I would sleep so much better tonight knowing that my coin went directly towards filling Kris' face with more blessed Botox.
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[Kenysha75]

"b*tch, Don't Handle The Sexy."

One rule we're taught shortly after birth is that when Prince commands you to dance, you dance. I don't care if you just suffered through a double leg amputation. When Prince orders you to move, you twerk those stumps with all your might. I don't care if Prince is standing on your porch trying to get you to take a Watchtower pamphlet, you bust your shi* before kindly shutting the door on him. Kris Jenner must've taught Kim Kardashian the "be a useless attention wh*re" rule instead of that rule, because at Prince's final show at MSG in NYC last night, he declared her to dance and she stood their motionless like she was filming another sex tape (at the 0:55 mark below).

What's the point of having a God (and plastic surgeon) given as* like that if you're not going to stomp the beat with it? Dumb ho is dumb.

Not only did Kim block half of the audience's view of Prince with her Jumbotron as*, but then she wasted everyone's time by giggling like a moron and clapping like a deaf doctor asked her what she's got down there. Most people would put their own children on the auction block to freak on that gold flower fairy in heels! Echoing what most of the country has been screaming for years, Prince kicked up his gold Barbie heels and told b*tch to get off the stage and sit down. For real. Kim needs to stay sitting. Period.
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[Kenysha75]

What Kind Of "Street Meat" Is She Putting In Her Mouth?!

Whenever I eat on a piece of "street meat," my mouth ends up on an open trash can, my as* ends up screaming into a toilet, my wallet is missing a few $20s, there's a message from NYPD's prostitution division on my voicemail and I've got a mysterious bruise over my kidney area. But this backyardigan heffa GAINS 10 pounds? This b*tch must be dipping her street meat in chimichurri sauce, tomato-flavored corn syrup, relish, extra thick hot dog water and all the other fixings. And no, I'm not sure what kind of "street meat" we're talking about.

Harper's Bazaar has continued to prove that the only shi* they're selling in their bazaar are fuc*ery and foolery, because they've put Kim Kardashian on their cover and let her interview Elizabeth Taylor. Why does Bazaar keep defacing our precious legends like this? What's next?! Noah Cyrus as Samantha Fox? Justin Bieber as Chynna Phillips circa 1990?

While I go and pray for that to not happen, here's Kim verbally farting about how she put nuts in her mouth on a NYC street corner and her heart-hurting piece with Dame Elizabeth.

On how she filled her mouth with nuts and street meat (or "flu dogs" and "hep kabobs" as my mom calls them) in NYC: "I worked out once. I gained like 10 pounds. All the papers were like, Kim's pregnant! I ate the nuts on the street corner, the hot dogs, the street meat. It was not a joke."

On how she's completely delusional: "I can carry a tune, yeah. I have a cute little voice. I talked to people in the business, and they said, 'This is what we do for fun. You go to the movies, you go shopping, why don’t you try what we do?'"

KK to Elizabeth Taylor: "You are my idol. But I'm six husbands and some big jewels behind. What should I do?"

Elizabeth Taylor to KK: "I never planned to acquire a lot of jewels or a lot of husbands. For me, life happened, just as it does for anyone else. I have been supremely lucky in my life in that I have known great love, and of course I am the temporary custodian of some incredible and beautiful things. But I have never felt more alive than when I watched my children delight in something, never more alive than when I have watched a great artist perform, and never richer than when I have scored a big check to fight AIDS. Follow your passion, follow your heart, and the things you need will come."

Then Elizabeth Taylor went on to say, "And who the FUC* are you? And why are you dressed like Clewhorepatra?!"
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[lizbabe09]

Sorry but can we discuss this song?

 

[blackcoffee]

she sounds like cassie...
boring song...

 

[FASHIONLOVA]

i couldn t even finish the whole song it s so boring
she s not even singing; but more like reading

 

[Gabriel29]

^ She can read?! lol, I kid, I kid....

 

[Kenysha75]

In Case You Were Wondering......

I'm surprised Kim also didn't Tweet: "And now they are free to watch Kourtney & Kim Take New York only on E! on Sunday nights! And they're free to buy my new fragrance Golden Showers by Kim Kardashian! AND they're really free to go to the party I'm hosting at LAX this Friday night. OMG! It's at the Luxor! They'll feel right at home. OMG!" Pimp Mama Kris Jenner is truly slipping.

And sadly, Snooki was meeting with the UN all day yesterday so she was unavailable to give her thoughts on Egypt.

(Thanks to Jessica and everyone else who sent this in)
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[Kenysha75]

This Mess Will Make You Want To JAM Sharp Objects Into Your Ears



Khloe Kardashian no longer has to worry about almost pulling her back out from hunching while stalking baby wombats in the dead of night. Khloe just has to play Kim Kardashian's new "song" for them and they will be instantly stunned, paralyzed and vulnerable. That pretty much describes how my ear drums felt after being exposed to the unflavored mound of lukewarm shi* that is Kim's new song called Jam.
Jam sounds like a sl*tty and sedated toddler burping while riding a plastic pony in a playground. I swear, Kim isn't singing, b*tch is letting out an auto-tuned yawn. It's the music equivalent of her sex tape. Jam makes "Stars are Blind" sound like a heartbreaking torch song of raw emotions. It's about as exciting as the jelly left on a probe after a rectal ultrasound.

Kim says that she did the song "for fun," but it doesn't like she's having fun to me. Ho sounds like she's eating plain yogurt while watching her reality show. Kim needs to listen to some Midi, Maxi, Efi to hear how monotone bored voice is really done. In the meantime, Kim should just fart into a microphone for her follow-up single. It might have more life in it. Nice try, though.
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[inhirnamy137]

Iam glad she got enough sense in her head to leave the music stuff alone after this..

 

[angel222]

http://www.examiner.com/pop-culture...hian-famous-with-direction-and-moves-sex-tape

Ray J. ex-boyfriend Deems Himself The Svengali of KK


Kim Kardashian’s sex tape partner and one time boyfriend, Ray J, has a few things to say about Kim getting famous from the sex tape they made together. According to Ray J, he created Kim Kardashian with the sex tape, which is what put Kim on the map.
Kim Kardashian’s sex tape has come back to haunt her once again, this time with some words from Ray J.



He is taking credit for creating Kim Kardashian into a star via the sex tape he made with her. "I don't hang with stars, I create them and move on," he tells the interviewer on the video.


He tells Hip Hop Hood Tube that he created Kim’s success, and then he moved onto another project, (someone else). This is what he does, says Ray J, “I make stars and go onto other projects.” " I am the boss," Ray J continued to say again.


Ray J talks about his sexual conquests as if they were just one of many and he appears to think quite highly of himself in bed. He talks about some very graphic things that cannot be repeated here in this article as far as his performance in bed.


Ray J says he is a “boss in the bedroom” and it was this boss that rocketed Kim into the celebrity status she has today. He said he is happy she has become a star and basically wishes her the best.



Kim Kardashian looked nothing like the young girl who appeared in the sex tape with Ray J a few years ago when she came to Connecticut for her most recent appearance last fall. Kim was dressed sexy, but very classy for her Connecticut celebrity headliner appearance. She was at Foxwoods for the opening of a new venue at the casino and resort. She greated her Connecticut fans with smiles, autographs, and posing for pictures. She certainly pulled in a full house with her Connecticut fans.

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[Kenysha75]

Wednesday, March 30th 2011 The Kardashians Are Working Right Now

The monster family built by Ray J's crooked dick and Ryan Seacrest's highlights are on the cover of Redbook Magazine and in it Pimp Mama Kris Kardashian says that they are always ALWAYS always working. For you and me, there's 24 hours in one day, but the day has created an extra hour just for the Kardashians. Or maybe Kim slows down the spinning earth by sitting on the ground. Whatever the case may be, Kris is sick of people saying they don't have jobs, because the fact is they work 25 hours a day! Kris puts it like this (via UsWeekly

"It's annoying when I hear, 'What do your girls do?' Well, first of all, all of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show. I've been wh*ring my kids out since And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old. So to me, that's a huge misconception that the girls don't work. They work 25 hours a day."

They might not be singers or dancers, but they certainly know how to produce a television show. Whether you want to call it talent or not, they have multiple shows on the air. How many shows do you have?"

"How many shows do you have?" Shut your Larry from Three's Company looking as*, Kris! Delusional hag. I mean, SNOOKI is on a damn reality show. It can't be that hard. If we got dicked by a D-list R&B singer in a leaked sex tape, we'd all have reality shows too! Am I jealous? Maybe, because I've been trying to get Young Rome to return my calls for this very reason, and nothing. But maybe I'm being too harsh on these trash heap heifers.

Saying words in front of a camera. That's working! Looking at a flashing camera while standing really still. That's working! Using the ladder in their basement to step down into hell to chant before Satan so that he can keep their 15 minutes going?. That's working! Hanging food in the trees every night so Khloe can't get to it? That's working! Okay, I take it all back. They're the busiest whores in America!
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[FASHIONLOVA]

Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian





It was a dream come true for Kim Kardashian when she walked into her Beverly Hills home May 18. Her boyfriend of six months, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, was waiting in her bedroom on bended knee with four words written in red rose petals: "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

"I didn't expect this at all," Kardashian, 30, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive interview (out Friday) of the romantic, surprise proposal. "I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now."

Humphries popped the question with a custom-designed, 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler. "I just knew I wanted it to be big," says Humphries, 26, who, with the help of Kardashian's mom Kris Jenner, planned an intimate family celebration later that evening.

"Kris really didn't want a big celebration, but he had jokingly told my mom he'd be fine if there were mini-horses there," says Kardashian with a laugh. "Later that night at the party, my mom brought out two mini-horses, covered in glitter, for us! It was hysterical!"

people