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people.comKourtney Kardashian Agonized Over Whether to Keep Her Baby
Kourtney Kardashian's unplanned pregnancy forced the shocked reality TV star to make one of the most difficult decisions in her life: Would she have the baby or terminate the pregnancy?
"I definitely thought about it long and hard, about if I wanted to keep the baby or not, and I wasn't thinking about adoption," Kardashian, 30, who was shooting E!'s Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami at the time, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I do think every woman should have the right to do what they want, but I don't think it's talked through enough. I can't even tell you how many people just say, 'Oh, get an abortion.' Like it's not a big deal."
Scott Disick, the baby's 26-year-old father, was supportive either way. The pair had split in November after two years of dating, but reconciled shortly after finding out she was pregnant. "He wanted me to talk about it more, but I just kept to myself," she says. "He said, 'I really want you to keep it, but I will support you whatever you decide to do.'"
Confused and concerned, Kardashian says, "I called my best friend crying, and I was like, 'I don't know what to do.' She said, 'Call your doctor, and at least find out the risks and stuff.' " So Kardashian discussed abortion with her physician, and then headed to the Internet to do further research.
"I looked online, and I was sitting on the bed hysterically crying, reading these stories of people who felt so guilty from having an abortion," she recalls. "I was reading these things of how many people are traumatized by it afterwards."
After scouring the Internet, Kardashian says she started to realize that an abortion wasn't an option for her. "I was just sitting there crying, thinking, 'I can't do that,' " she says. "And I felt in my body, this is meant to be. God does things for a reason, and I just felt like it was the right thing that was happening in my life."
Kardashian says she did some intense soul-searching. "For me, all the reasons why I wouldn't keep the baby were so selfish: It wasn't like I was raped, it's not like I'm 16. I'm 30 years old, I make my own money, I support myself, I can afford to have a baby. And I am with someone who I love, and have been with for a long time."
Although Kardashian sought out the advice of others, she says it was her decision – and hers alone – that was the most important.
"I really wanted to think it through for myself, and not hear what my sisters were saying, or what Scott was saying. Even though I took it all in, I wanted it to be my decision," she says. "My doctor told me there is nothing you will ever regret about having the baby, but he was like, 'You may regret not having the baby.' And I was like: That is so true. And it just hit me. I got so excited, and when I told Scott he was so excited. But I think if I had said I'm not going to keep it, I really think he would have pushed me into keeping it."
For more on Kourtney Kardashian's surprise pregnancy, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday
usmagazine.comKourtney Kardashian: I "Think" I'd Pose Nude While Pregnant
Kourtney Kardashian wouldn't mind stripping down to show off her pregnancy curves.
When asked if she'd take it all off for the cover of Rolling Stone, the reality star -- who is due in December -- tells E!'s Daily 10, "I think so. I'd have to think about it."
Kardashian, 30, says she doesn't know the sex of her baby "yet.
"I haven't decided if I want to find out," she admits. "I do, like to decorate the room and stuff, but then I feel like it's such a surprise, so I'm like, 'You can't take it back once you know. So I'm like, I don't want to know yet."
She also opens up about her "weird" food cravings.
"You know what's weird? Like, I always thought, like, if I was pregnant I would eat like, McDonald's or like, Taco Bell all day long or something," she says. "I'm not craving those things. Like, I've been craving, like, cold stuff like frozen yogurt and smoothies and like, I've been eating way more fruit then I used to eat before."
<H1>Kourtney Kardashian: How Scott and I Are Preparing for Baby
</H1>By David Caplan
Originally posted Thursday August 20, 2009 02:55 PM EDT
Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick Photo by: Seth Browarnik / Startraks
Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are busily getting ready for their first child's arrival by stocking up on baby clothes and studying parenting and pregnancy.
The Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami star, 30, says she "hasn't bought a lot yet," but admits she started shopping for baby items before she publicly announced she's expecting.
"Scott and I went to Barney's and I said to the guy, 'I need a baby gift,' and I bought a cute little cashmere hat," she tells PEOPLE. "Then we went to Planet Blue [in L.A.], and I was like, 'I need a little cute something cute,' so we picked up some baby shoes."
Kardashian is also beginning to receive gifts from her family. "Kim got me like a huge basket filled with stuff. She was so excited. And she and Khloe got me some stuff in Africa when they were there. My mom got me an Hermes blanket that I was dying for!"
Kardashian and her entrepreneur boyfriend, 26, are also studying up on pregnancy. "We watch these videos together on some random Web site I found called healthguru.com," she says. "They have videos which tell you what to expect, like the size of the baby at different stages, what the baby is doing inside. They're cool. Neither of us have read a book, but we're going to."
The couple aren't the only ones doing research. Disick's mom scours magazines for pregnancy-related stories and passes the information along to the expectant parents.
She should try disappearing...that would be new.
She should try disappearing...that would be new.
- "Kim Kardashian isn't the only person who mistakenly thinks that because a mother cat picks up her kittens by the scruff of the neck that a supportive hand under the rump isn't needed."
I love dlisted.