No, I do not feel compassion for Chris. Perhaps if I were a bit more saintly, I would
My own take on the world is such that I have pretty much zero tolerance for abusers.
I think you do lack humanity in here.
First, nobody should tolerate abuse but they are many abusers who deserve compassion.
I don't know what kind of childhood you had, mine was financially secure, violence free and sexual abuse free. I grew up a well-adjusted person because I was given all the opportunity and tool to do so.
Some people received appalling abuse during their formative years, they were victims too, and the worst kind of victims: children. Violence is often the only language they know, and that's often compounded by poverty.
Some victims of severe abuse grow up just fine by sheer will-power and good luck (meeting the right people, ect.). The truth is the majority never escape their personal hell, which mean more violence directed at other or at themselves (drugs, alcoholism, depressions).
I am certainly no saint, but I don't have a trouble feeling compassion for some of these people. That has nothing to do with tolerating abuse.
Second, if Rihanna doesn't wake-up soon, she will become an abuser herself. And in some way she already is. I'll explain myself.
Soon she'll be a mother. If she hasn't cleaned-up her act at this point there are huge chances she'll be in a violent relationship and will just contaminate her own children with that abuse culture. See, women who stay with violent men often don't hurt only themselves.
And the fact that, despite the fact that she is independent from him and do have the choice to stay away, she came back to him before he fixed himself makes her an enabler. An accomplice in fact. She has now active part in the abuse and offers him no incentive to get better.
Third, I feel like somehow you think childhood abuse are just some hurdles and not such a big deal. From your posts it looks like you consider battered woman syndrome a bigger deal.
Well, just because there are a lot of people who manage to get over it doesn't mean it's not terribly hard to do so. Being abused during your formative years is in most cases worst that being abused as an adult.
In this case, both Chris and Rihanna are sick and need professional help and support. And so far both of them have shown no sign they welcoming either (appart form Chris's classes). Yet you defend one and condemn the other.
Why?
Sure you could argue that Chris is a victim--his own people have been doing it day and night.
I though it was pretty obvious I was applying your own defence of Rihanna's behavior to Chris.
You've been arguing we should feel sorry for her because she is psychologically troubled (battered woman syndrome) and because of her hormones (oxytocin). I was just trying to show that if we are going to defend her stupid behavior because of that we will have to start defending Chris's own stupid behavior for the same exact reasons.
What good does it do to condemn and judge Rihanna for the way she's behaving? I would argue that she is trying, though she is trying to do absolutely the wrong thing from my perspective ... apparently she is talking to Chris, trying to work it out.
I am sorry but this is just a weak argument and could be used word for word to defend Chris.
And what is he doing? Out on jet skis posing for the paparazzi, flexing and doing his nasty SOB scowl pose. You call that trying?!
I have already made crystal clear the fact that I think Chris is a jackass who has shown no remorse or willingness to get better. The little compassion I was ready to offer him evaporated after he released his appalling non-apology.
Please don't act like I'm now defending him.
I think the best way to support a woman in this situation is to let them know you love them, and how much you believe, how absolutely certain you are that they deserve better than what they are choosing. How much you want them to be safe and have a good life. But judging, condemning, abandoning ... I don't see how that can possibly help.
Mollycotting week-minded people struck in bad patterns achieves nothing. Do not doubt she has been surrounded by exactly that: people telling her they love her, they are on her side, blah, blah, blah. And look were she is.
She needs a stern talking too, not some pep talk.
) I wonder if you realize just how personal an attack you yourself have made?
