How do you feel when strangers stare ? - questionaire

[Melisande]

melisande...
you are beautiful and have great style...
maybe that is all they were staring at...>>>

anyway- i hope you are in a much better place now!...

Aww that is SO sweet, esp after having forgotten about this years on!!

Yes I am "in a much better place now"... ...though I am not gone to heaven yet, only Paris......which is, yeah, damn close

Paris...

The topic is really interesting having lived in Paris for almost two years. We are still stared at, but the manner is very different and much nicer...the rude gaping we had in Japan are replaced by "appreciative" glances both from men and women. Also because Japan is so homogeneous, if you look slightly different you stand out like a sore thumb, whereas there are all sorts here in Paris. Sometimes I tense up when people approach me on the street but half the time it's only to say "Mademoiselle vous êtes ravissante" or some such variation.

The other day my best friend, a Frenchman, taught me something interesting. When I thanked him for a compliment, he pointed out, "Don't ever say thank you when you are complimented on your charms. Only Americans say 'merci'. You must just smile briefly or shrug and act as if it's obvious."

Similarly, I've learned how to handle "yeah-right" type Italian compliments too. It seems best to be slightly indignant in the manner of "Hah! Is that the best you can do?" LOL...obviously *not* coming from a deep inner vanity; my own view about my own looks have not changed... but the style of communication has changed.

Adopting these attitudes obviously apply when stared at walking down the street as well. It's a choice you make, whether to hold your own in a place of inner power or to be at the mercy of the other's gaze, whatever that might communicate.We as women can walk around powerful and unscathed. It's a waste of psychic energy to get upset or worry that they are thinking negative things about you.

Some European food for thought. I am learning so much here.

 

[softgrey]

mmmm....very good food for thought indeed...

 

[Petit Lucille]

I agree with not caring what strangers think, because you don't know them and it shouldn't be an important opinion.
But some places are like when you are trying to sleep and a loud sound won't let you, and obligates you to either try to shut it down, or forget about sleeping. That's how it works in places like where I live. Not only men yell things at you (cannot be deemed as compliments "hello, little baby what a nice mouth, I'd...") or just about your outfit either in the same tone, but also girls, old women, etc look at you and point, or whatever.
It's annoying. And why is it that they feel the need to say out loud every single stupid thing that comes to mind?? The other day I put some glasses on and they yelled at my face "glasses!" What am I supposed to do with that? Cannot we go by without that incredibly smart remark?? Why can't they live and let live?

 

[Melisande]

I agree with not caring what strangers think, because you don't know them and it shouldn't be an important opinion.
But some places are like when you are trying to sleep and a loud sound won't let you, and obligates you to either try to shut it down, or forget about sleeping. That's how it works in places like where I live. Not only men yell things at you (cannot be deemed as compliments "hello, little baby what a nice mouth, I'd...") or just about your outfit either in the same tone, but also girls, old women, etc look at you and point, or whatever.
It's annoying. And why is it that they feel the need to say out loud every single stupid thing that comes to mind?? The other day I put some glasses on and they yelled at my face "glasses!" What am I supposed to do with that? Cannot we go by without that incredibly smart remark?? Why can't they live and let live?

Hmm, I agree, the mens' comments, that's beyond being stared at, that is pure harassment... "glasses"...lol!!...I just don't get those kinds of people. Obviously they have nothing remotely resembling a life ...which is, actually and sadly, often literally the case...men who are unemployed or underemployed with too much time and libido to manage. Sad.

Glad you like Softie!

 

[moss trey]

I live in mid-sized city in Ohio where fashion isn't really considered seriously and as a fashion advocate I receive a fair amount of stares on a daily basis. My personal style is a little loud and outrageous consisting of feather capes, sequin rainbow jackets, big hats etc. I've learned to appreciate the stares because it means I'm different or I stand out from the crowd. Being "normal" per se and looking like everyone else is one of my fears so it just confirms that I'm succeeded in staying away from that style or lack of style.

For me it depends though, some days when I'm feeling a little down or am not in the mood to be stared at, that definitely effects how I dress. There are certain items I still haven't worn and that i'm saving for bigger cities (or when I get to fashion week ) because the amount of looks and comments I would get here in Ohio would be uncomfortable and annoying.

It's weird when I'm in bigger cities though like Chicago etc. because I don't receive as many looks as I'm used to and I miss it...I'm not sure what that says about me. Lol. I don't think I'm an attention wh*re by any means but I do like knowing that I'm unique and have my own flavor that peaks people's interest.

 

[vandekamp]

do you hope to get stared at..?
No, not really. If I am going out in an outfit I like, people staring at me can make me feel self-conscious. BUT it does depend on their faces if someone is staring. People are not very discreet when it comes to something they dislike haha.

do you love the attention..??
No I don't. Admiration for my clothing is nice, but I feel uncomfortable if someone stares me down from head to toe.

do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
Nooo haha.

do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
No. That would attract unwanted stares...

do you look people in the eye and check out what they are wearing to?
Yes I'm guilty of that. I hope they are a lot more confident about their clothing than I am!

do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
No I don't.

do you hate people looking at you?
Yes, if they're terribly obvious about it. And most people are..

do you wish you could just be invisible?
I do sometimes. But the element of expressing myself with clothing and fashion etc is something I would not want to stop.

do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
Most of the time, yes hahaha. I know it's a little hypocritical of me!

do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
No because that would probably make them want to stare more.

do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
Yes I do. My mind always goes to the worst place when someone is staring, so I always think that no one can just genuinely like my outfit. I wish I didn't think that way!

does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?...
If they're staring for a long time, yes. If they are staring for a long time, being obvious about it and clearly showing that they disprove, then yes it does. If someone does not like what I'm wearing, I would rather they take a quick look and then get on with their day. It feels rude to me when people stare for a long time.

does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at?
Not if I know that they like what I am wearing.

or are you completely oblivious and don't even notice it....
Oh I notice it... haha.

Some European food for thought. I am learning so much here.

Thank YOU Melisande for sharing that!! Oddly enough I feel a little bit more confident about my clothing after reading it.

 

[Kate_Moore]

do you hope to get stared at..?
If I'm feeling confident about what I'm wearing/how my hair looks like, etc, Yes I'd love people to comment on it. If I'm doing the groceries, mostly not.
do you love the attention..??
Mmmmmm. Again, if I feel proud about my new pair of shoes/too expensive bag/jacket yes.
do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
No, they probably also think "how could she leave the house like that? Does she have a mirror or what?"
do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
No. I'm 5'2, I'd never make it to the runway.
do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to?
Yes. I love staring at people.
do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
Nope.
do you hate people looking at you?
Depends if they make me feel uncomfortable or not.
do you wish you could just be invisible?
While doing the groceries, yes.
do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
Yes. Hahaha people actually catch me looking at them all the time.
do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
Not really.
do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
Yes. If I'm not very confident in what I'm wearing then I think 1) what is she looking at? 2) OMG if she likes these broken UGG boots, what's her taste like?
[/QUOTE]

 

[raerae]

Do you hope to get stared at..? If it's positive, yes! I mean it's flattering when people look at you because they like the way you look.

Do you love the attention..?? Again, if it's positive attention, yes. My zodiac sign is leo, and leos like to be the center of attention. But not for too long in my case, I'll get veryyyy shy!

Do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever? No! When people look at me, the first thing I do is ask the person I'm with if there's anything weird on my face or if my clothes are ripped or something haha!

Do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway? No! That's horrible.. I'd feel like I was making a fool of myself.

Do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to? Sometimes. When something catches my eye, I'm not afraid to look or even make a picture.

Do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU? Once again, no! It would make me feel ashamed of myself.

Do you hate people looking at you? Nah! Only when I'm in a really bad mood. But that's not very often.. Orrr when they keep on staring like 30 minutes in a row.

Do you wish you could just be invisible? No!

Do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you? No! I would feel bad about myself if no one ever checked me out. Every person needs that every once in a while, right?

Do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers? No. i only rush when I'm late (rare!) or when it's raining. Then you'll see me running!

Do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring? Sometimes I do get self-conscious when people look. But it's getting better while I'm getting older.

Does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?... No. I hardly get mad at people.

Does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at? No. Only when they stare like 30 minutes in a row or something. Uncomfortable much?!

 

[Marjon]

it depends on their intention. Sometimes when people stare, I think it just because they are curious. If someone tries to do a negative once over like 'what is she wearing' I just laugh internally and don't take them seriously as usually they are wearing floppy jeans tucked into ugg boots and some sort of weird coach bag. This really only ever happens to me in small to mid sized cities. When I'm in London I never get negative stares but I'm also not a crazy adventurous dresser. I know susie bubble has had people make comments. Overall though, I don't really notice or care because I dress for myself

Totally agree with this.

 

[softgrey]

i decided today that if someone who i think looks really great/cool is checking out what i am wearing...
that's a good thing...
and i consider that a compliment...

 

[Crying Diamonds]

I just rediscovered my post in this thread from nearly four years ago - my personality has changed quite dramatically, it seems, though my inherent attitude has not.
I shall redo it, for laughs.

do you hope to get stared at..?
I like it when people look at me, especially in the eyes, and I like to guess what they were thinking once they've passed.

do you love the attention..??
Yes, I feel quite depressed if I feel as if I am blending in on the street.

do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
It all depends on my mood; you can tell when someone thinks you're hot, otherwise they look because I look unintentionally angry all of the time.

do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
Not so much anymore, though I've managed to finally cut out ignoring everyone on the street like it's a runway, I think my walk when I'm alone has been permanently altered because of my obsession with near catwalking four years ago (see previous post in this thread)

do you look people in the eye and check out what they are wearing too?
Yes, I always check out bags, shoes, fabrics, details, on men and women, but I also look to see if they're looking, if I'm honest.

do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
Not anymore, though if I get a weird look or a glance up and down I'll either return it or more likely, deliberately ignore them.

do you hate people looking at you?
Not at all.

do you wish you could just be invisible?
Never; when I'm chained to a desk for days I crave to be outside and amongst a lot of people, not necessarily with people, just amongst them, to see them and to be seen.

do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
I love people watching, and no, I want people to look at me - I imagine I cut quite an unusual figure in my almost-strange clothing and ex-wannabe-supermodel walk.

do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
Not unless I'm looking rough, no - I love it.

do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
It depends how many people are staring, if it's everyone I pass staring for a strange amount of time it may require a mirror viewing... though it might just be my beautiful face...!

does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?...
Only if you can see them a-judgin'.

does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at?
No, never.

​

 

[superbeautiful]

Do you hope to get stared at..? I hope I'm noticeable enough that I don't get run over by a car, but I don't need to be a showstopper.

Do you love the attention..?? Depends.

Do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever? I think the opposite.

Do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway? If I'm walking long distances than sure. It makes the walk go by quicker.

Do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to? I'm working on eye contact but I always notice what people are wearing.

Do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU? No.

Do you hate people looking at you? I hate staring, but a look never hurt anyone.

Do you wish you could just be invisible? Sparingly.

Do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you? Wierd.

Do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers? lol.

Do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring? No. I do wonder if they have better things to do though.

Does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?... No.

Does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at? It can.

 

[Belle Princesse]

do you hope to get stared at..?
Nope, not at all. I try to appear presentable even on my off days but I'm not appreciative of the stares....

do you love the attention..??
Sometimes, I guess it depends on my mood.

do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
Not necessarily, however if I am incredibly dressed up/evening attire then maybe

do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
In heels, yes!

do you look people in the eye and check out what they are wearing to?
Yes I'm always observant of what others are wearing but I try to be discreet.

do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
I guess so.

do you hate people looking at you?
If I don't see their reason...yes!

do you wish you could just be invisible?
Nope, never.

do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
I don't mind people looking but please don't stare, or at least break the ice with a smile or compliment.

do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
Only on a bad hair day lol

do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?...
does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at?
Yes I get very irritated, however I'm slowly learning that when you carry a neon Celine bag tourists will blatantly point, stare and talk about it/you in a foreign language less than a metre away...

or are you completely oblivious and don't even notice it....
Only sometimes...

 

[voguetoffee]

do you hope to get stared at..?
If I look good, of course.
do you love the attention..??
No, sometimes I feel awkward, but its nice the fact that people notice that youre stylish.
do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
sometimes, when I leave home not sure if I look great, I dont feel comfy when someone stares.
do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
always!!! lol, and im proud of doing it.
do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to?
Only sometimes..
do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
No!
do you hate people looking at you?
Its okay
do you wish you could just be invisible?
Nope, never.
do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
No
do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
I dont think so
do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
I know most of the time its because of a good reason. And if case not, I dont really worry.
does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?
No.
does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at?
Maybe

 

[models_vlada]

do you hope to get stared at..?
Yes, I love being stared at, but in a good way... love glances.

do you love the attention..??
Sometimes yes, depends on the mood of the day... If i feel bad with myself, i'll think it's because of some horrible default i might have.

do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
No, it could definitely be the total opposite !


do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
Most of the times... I don't act, but usually walk in wierd ways, that way i entertaint myself during long distances.

do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to?
I don't... never done it.

do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
I never ignore anyone... To me it's all about everybody.

do you hate people looking at you?
Never hate, even though it's a bad look.

do you wish you could just be invisible?
As i said depends on the mood of the day, and yes, sometimes i wish i could be invisible.


do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
Actually the total opposite, would love people to look at me more, and that way i would pay less attention to other persons.


do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
When i'm uncomfortable, yes i do.... trying no to.

do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
Always, specially when the staring it's from men.

does it make you mad-*you lookin' at me...?
NO, I try to enjoy it the most.

does it annoy you...*what?..what are you staring at?
Neither.

 

[5 8 6]

Do you hope to get stared at..?
If I feel comfortable with my look and my outfit, yes.
Do you love the attention..??
It actually depends on my mood.
Do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
Actually the opposite.
Do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
A lot of times. I do not act, I just have a natural model walk, at least that's what people say about me.
Do you look people in the eye and check out what they are wearing to?
I try to avoid eye contact with strangers, but in one way or another I definitely manage to see what they are wearing.
Do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
If I'm in a hurry yes, otherwise no.
Do you hate people looking at you?
Usually it depends on how they look at me.
Do you wish you could just be invisible?
Sometimes yes, for sure!
Do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
No, that wouldn't be equal.
Do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
When I feel uncomfortable I do that.
Do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
Most of the time, I don't understand if they are staring because they like my outfit or my presence or because they think I'm terrible. Low self-esteem, I know.

 

[twistelette]

i decided today that if someone who i think looks really great/cool is checking out what i am wearing...
that's a good thing...
and i consider that a compliment...

yes, yes to this!
the other week, I had two people complimenting me on my hair in the span of a few hours. the first was wearing crocs, the second was the sole female member of a group of homeless people. I decided it was time for some anti-frizz treatment that night

a few days later, I got compliments on the dress I was wearing from three different women, all very stylish. now that was a good day

 

[ad31214]

Do you hope to get stared at..?
Not really to be honest, I'm really shy (my clothing doesn't really reflect that) and I kind of dislike attention...

Do you love the attention..??
If it is positive attention maybe, unless people actually speak to me and compliment me, then I just can't handle it and I kind of giggle and feel like melting.

Do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever? Nope, I would hope so, but I doubt it, I'm pretty insecure for the most part and I'm really conscious about how I move my body, but I don't think anyone looks at me like that.

Do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
Okay this is difficult, I am naturally quite tall and "slender", and after years of hunching I have learned to stand with better posture and just kind of learning how to control certain parts of my body (legs/arms/neck/hands/etc) and I guess it comes off as like "strutting". My friends always kind of poke fun at it, but I feel comfortable, I don't feel uncomfortable in the way I walk, it looks really uncomfortable when I see people just like swinging all their limbs in every which direction. It also helps cause I can be a bit clumsy and ever since I kind of learned to manage my body, I rarely trip/stumble. I guess it also depends what kind of music I'm listening to on my iPod when I walk, it really varies and I can kind of tell it changes my speed of walking. People often stop me and ask if I do ballet because my posture and way I move my hands/legs, but I just have had to learn over the years how to center my body and my limbs.

Do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to?
No, never will I look someone in the eye it just is way too awkward, I don't really pay attention to what people are wearing here, because I mainly just take the bus with older Chinese women who stare at me with really widened eyes.

Do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU? NO, it is not all about me whatsoever, it is really just about getting to where I need to go and doing it as quickly as possible. I do have a tendency to ignore people if they try to talk to me or say things but especially so if I have headphones in (99.9% of the time).

Do you hate people looking at you?
Not really, I have learned to just ignore stares from people, especially tourists who are obviously thinking "What kind of freak-town is this city anyways?"

Do you wish you could just be invisible?
Nope.

Do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
-skip- no clue how to answer....lol

Do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
No, I actually tend to take my time walking places even if I'm late.

Do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
No, I've grown to accept that no matter what people will stare at me, I do not look like a "typical" guy, or a girl for that matter, I am like 6'4" in heels and I wear my grandmother's fur coats in public and makeup, I will always have someone staring at me no matter what, and I just learned to live with/ignore it.

Does it make you mad?
Tbh I have only yelled at one person one time, I was in such a bad mood, I was so fed up with my mom and we had been fighting on the phone and I was shopping alone. And out of nowhere while I am trying on this coat, this middle-aged woman just starts staring at me so intensely like a few feet away from me, for a good minute. I notice from the corner of my eye and she kind of grimaces and whispers something to herself, and I turn around and just stare her dead in the eyes and just like explode, I don't even remember what I said but I was bright red and almost crying. I like stormed out of the store and just like sat on a corner for a bit. It felt awesome.

Does it annoy you...?
Again, I just got used to it at this point.

 

[SevenWeeksLater]

While doing this questionnaire I was reminded of the scene from I Huckabees when Naomi Watts character goes "i'm so ugly! don't look at me! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"

do you hope to get stared at?
TBH sometimes yes if I like my outfit or if my hair looks particularly good.
do you love the attention?
If its from the right people, yes.
do you think that everyone who is looking at you probably thinks you're 'hot'...or 'cool' or whatever?
Sometimes yes. And the people that answered "I think the opposite" you should know that if someone is starring at you then its most likely because they find you attractive or like what you are wearing. When I notice someone yes it could be because what they are wearing is SO outrageous or so attention getting in a bad way, but most of the time its because I found that person attractive or I like their outfit( I try to remember this during my insecure days)
do you strut down the street acting like it's a runway?
Definitely not. Most of the time I walk really fast and try not to run into tourists.
do you look people in the eye andd check out what they are wearing to?
I check out what people are wearing sometimes and look at their hair and face/makeup, but I do not make eye contact. Thats a little weird I think to be making eye contact with strangers.
do you just strut and ignore everyone because it's all about YOU?
Well one I dont strut, but like most New Yorkers I usually dont concern myself with others around me. I'm not necessary ignoring everybody else, I'm just focused on what I need to do and how to get to the place in the least amount of time. But like I said I have noticed people and its usually for a positive reason.
do you hate people looking at you?
When I am having an insecure day yes because I think to myself that they cant possibly find me attractive so what is the reason for their stares.
do you wish you could just be invisible?
No, but during my insecure days I wish I could know what people are thinking.
do you love checking out other people but wish no one would look at you?
Nope, I think whats worse that being starred at is being ignored
do you rush quickly from destination to destination to escape those prying eyes of strangers?
I rush but its not because I dont want people to look at me its because I'm late for something or want to get home as fast as possible.
do you feel self-conscious-unsure of why people are staring?
Like I said during my insecure days definitely yes.
does it make you mad?
If it makes me uncomfortable then yes. I dont dress or act in a way that warrants certain behavior so its unfair that I have to be put in a situation where I feel uncomfortable.
does it annoy you?
Sometimes

 

[softgrey]

so- when i was living in the suburbs with my family, my mom noticed that lots of people would be staring at me as we walked along...
she asked me- why is everyone staring at you?
i said- i don't know, but it happens all the time. Just keep walking~!
...
i guess it was unusual to see anyone dressed in anything other than the ordinary, especially there...

flash forward to now-(at least 25 years later!!!)
my mom calls and says- remember when everyone used to stare at you?
me- of course! how could i forget? remember how i didn't like it?
my mom- tough sh*t, you don't like it~! i want to see you more like that again!
...

(apparently, i have been 'playing it safe' lately and mom is not having it!!!)
...

so- back to my old ways...
and- yes, in fact, i am getting way more attention on the street again...
...

i guess it's a good thing...
last night, i went to the theatre and some young guy said to me in the middle of times square-
you look 'like a boss'...
apparently that is even cooler than cool...
so- that's good...



( was wearing a sacai tunic/sweater/dress with leggings and boots with a cape and metallic silver clutch...
and a grey mohair cowl i stitched up from and old tse sweater)