The skin you're in ...

[lilliputty]

I could really do with some inspiration for being comfortable in my own skin - at the moment I just don't feel it at all.

In May I fell pregnant after trying for months, but I lost the baby in July, 2 days before my 12 week scan.

Ever since then I have not been able to enjoy my life, no matter what I try. It's like I have this sadness inside me that will not go away until I am pregnant again. But I'm sure that this mental attitude is making it impossible for me to fall pregnant.

I have such a hard time accepting my life - and whenever I hear news of someone else expecting, it has such an impact on my own life - as if their good news magnifies my 'failure'.

How could I get over this with positive thinking? I usually start each cycle with a lot of hope and positivity: I look after myself, exercise, do yoga and feel really good about the month ahead. Then I progressively feel less positive as I can feel that I'm not pregnant and I start to be less kind to myself, exercise less and just generally get into a funk.

I don't know how to get out of this pattern - does anyone have any suggestions on how I can shift my thinking to feel happy with my current life instead of pining for the life I wanted but lost?

 

[softgrey]

^^i think you should talk to your doctor, frankly...
i have never been pregnant or wanted to be...
to me...it sounds like the worst possible nightmare that you could do to your own body!
so- i really can't relate...
NOT being pregnant feels really good to me!


yay- i'm not pregnant!!!
maybe you should just enjoy NOT being pregnant while you still have the chance!
cause the way you're trying for it, sounds like you'll be pregnant soon enough...

 

[Bella_Lass334]

lillyputty, im no doctor but it sounds like you have some symptoms of depression going on...i agree with softgrey, that talking to a doctor or a therapist about it would be very helpful. besides that, the best thing you can do is surround yourself with people that make you happy and ESPECIALLY people/things/movies that make you laugh. in my opinion, laughter is one of the best things for the soul. thats why I watch conan and friends every night...for my health! lol. also, have you tried practicing positive affirmations to yourself?

 

[lilliputty]

You're right, I think I'm depressed. I really try to fight it, and keep telling myself to enjoy the time I have left before I'm elbows deep in nappies, but the truth is that it's always at the back of my mind and I always hold a glimmer of hope that the next month will be 'my month'

I've been seeing an acupuncturist following the misscarriage and it's helped me significantly, but I still have very down days. Everyone keeps telling me that as soon as I forget about getting pregnant, I will, but I don't know how to not think about it!

 

[softgrey]

has anyone mentioned hot baths or hot showers...
i think they are great for relaxing your muscles and relieving tension...
and i always look better when i am relaxed..
when i am tense, it shows in my face...
it gets kind of squinched up and my eyebrows go down and i just generally look pissed off...

i get the same face when i am tired too...
NOT pretty!

in fact..i'm going to go take a steaming hot shower RIGHT now!!!


ahhh...i already feel better, just thinking about the warm water washing away my tension...mmmmm......good.....

 

[ChloeFrancoise]

I can't take hot baths or showers especially since I think my skin is more heat sensitive than some people are but warm baths when it's cold out are nice. A couple of weeks ago the water in the bath was the most perfect temperature that it felt super cozy like I could just fall asleep in it. I don't why I haven't bothered trying to get the water that exact temperature again.

 

[Fewormany]

Bump for this thread .

Lately I feel very out of balance. My focus seems to be all off, I have a really hard time remembering things people tell me or things I should do. I'm lacking the focus to 'absorb' the things around me, really be there in the moment.
My mind seems scattered, and it refelects in my surroundings too (my room is a mess).

The funny thing is, I know the importance of being balanced and living in the moment. But I find it really hard to apply to my own life. Everything is just slipping between my fingers, very frustrating.

On the brightside, I know I have nothing to complain. My life is going well, and I am thankfull for that.

 

[fashionista-ta]

^ If you want to be in the moment, have you tried meditation? Many different ways to do it, you should be able to find one you like ...

 

[softgrey]

i've been really unbalanced and unfocused lately as well...
it may have something to do with the unbearably hot weather...
but i am starting to feel my energy coming back now...

getting enough sleep cannot be stressed enough, imo...
it can make all the difference in the world...

 

[Tinetush]

Also I can definitely recommend impulsive trips to the beach at midnight. Just watch out for the fish...
It's especially nice after a long day of work. I really makes me feel rejuvenated.

 

[Fewormany]

^ If you want to be in the moment, have you tried meditation? Many different ways to do it, you should be able to find one you like ...

I tried to meditate, but my mind just doesn't seem to want to shut up . Lately it's been going a bit better though, I've been on vacation and some time away from everything really did me good.

So I guess taking a trip (like to the beach as mentioned above ) away from your day-to-day problem really can clear your mind.

 

[Tinetush]

^yeah it's especially nice if the water is still and you are able to float around watching the stars
- I just realized that it sounds like a scene from some fluffy movie

 

[fashionista-ta]

Fewormany, 'monkey mind' is normal ... you just observe it

 

[Fewormany]

Fewormany, 'monkey mind' is normal ... you just observe it

I love the tem 'monkey mind' . Maybe it will calm down after a while, even monkeys get tired (or at least I hope so ).

And to add a tip, enjoy your food and drinks. Eat things that are freshly prepared and made with love. It tastes and feels so much better then all the prepacked and processed foods.

 

[fashionista-ta]

^ True dat ... nothing will make you feel worse quicker than eating a series of frozen hunks of salty food-like substances

I find that if I approach everything I do with integrity, I have no regrets about anything ... it just really cuts down on stress. Today someone threw me under the bus at work because he thinks I'm making him look bad. And that is definitely not my intent, so I'm not upset about it ... just planning how I can work around him. When other people behave badly, and you have treated them the way you should have ... it's just other people behaving badly. Ah well ...

Yes, the monkey mind does settle down ... you basically just can't let yourself be bothered by it. Just watch the thoughts float by.

Have you heard of the book A Stroke of Insight? (The author is a brain expert and MD who had a stroke and knocked out the individual part of her brain. Then recovered & wrote a book about the whole experience.) It perfectly illustrates that there are two sides to our minds ... one that is all-encompassing, and the limited side that is thinking all those thoughts. You want to settle into the first part of your mind and observe the second part ...

One thing that works well for me (an auditory learner) is to be aware of all the sounds that are going on. You don't need to block anything. You can also try focusing on a candle flame ...

 

[softgrey]

i'm about to jump out of the skin i'm in...

...

* i think the heat is getting to me !

 

[BonjourTristesse]

I honestly love, love, love this thread.
I'm trying to hard to just be positive. It starts when I wake up in the morning... I could say "Ugh... I don't wanna go to work" or I can say "I'm excited what's gonna happen today"... I've never though that this really works, as I'm a rather hyper-sensitive person that is easily influenced by negative people or situations. I think the key is being in charge of your life and being responsible. It's still hard for me to be honest, I still have days where I think "Why did X or Y say that" and think too much about other people and what their intention might be... I think it's really important to live in the moment, if you read - read, if you eat - eat. Don't THINK all the time about negative stuff (this is the hardest task for me). I used to be kind of like thinking about one thing...and then gradually thinking further and further and getting more and more negative... I think you can really take a difficult situation, think about it (as positive as you can) and then move on. Moving on also is an important thing... Eating healthy is big for me, I feel terrible when I eat unhealthy for 1,2 days - though it rarely happens. My only "indulgence" is a fruit cake now and then (don't think big USA cake, but small european cake! haha). I also recently picked up on the whole 4-5 pieces french thread. I try the same with fruit... I live close to a small turkish market and love buying a couple of tomatoes there and a danish cheese and baguette and enjoy that, instead of many different things...
Singing and dancing while getting dressed helps! it really calms me... although in the morning when i go to work i have to time for it!
early grey with a little bit of milk also calms me and makes me happy, its kind of a small ritual - every sip at work or at home is a reminder to slow down, live in the moment...
I try to be more content with how i look - that's also difficult for me. I think most girls would love to look like me (i hope that doesnt sound arrogant, bc its not meant as such) - but i'm so overwhelmed by the whole perfect-model-celebrity world... that i think "yea maybe i'm cute, but i don't look like valentina oder alessandra and so on" i'm trying to stop that a little bit...and just look at the things i like about myself, and not constantly worry about the things i don't like...

I'm not saying its easy - but it's worth it. its one of the things that take alot of effort, but really cange your life! it's you who controls your emotions, not anyone else...

 

[Bella_Lass334]

I try to be more content with how i look - that's also difficult for me. I think most girls would love to look like me (i hope that doesnt sound arrogant, bc its not meant as such) - but i'm so overwhelmed by the whole perfect-model-celebrity world... that i think "yea maybe i'm cute, but i don't look like valentina oder alessandra and so on" i'm trying to stop that a little bit...and just look at the things i like about myself, and not constantly worry about the things i don't like...

This is something that i'm trying to working on too. More than anything, I'm trying really really hard not to compare myself to other people. I can feel beautiful in the morning when I'm getting ready, and then I go to school and think, "Gosh, I wish I had that girl's bone structure," or, "Why can my legs be long like hers?" etc etc. Im starting to realize what a big fat waste of time that is, and how utterly unimportant it is that I may not be as pretty as some other girl.

 

[fashionista-ta]

I'm not saying its easy - but it's worth it. its one of the things that take alot of effort, but really cange your life! it's you who controls your emotions, not anyone else...

That is so key!!!

People say, So and so hurt me, made me mad, etc. ... but it's just not true. No one can do it to you unless you abdicate control.

I think you're also right on target about negativity. I cannot tell you how my life has changed since I stopped being negative and made a real effort to stop judging others. Just say no to negativity When I really got it that focusing on the negative was pointing my life in exactly the wrong direction, and that my thoughts are every bit as important as my actions ... night and day difference. So good for you!!!

 

[softgrey]

i need to work on my core...
literally...
...


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