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From her dressing room to a sex club, an exclusive interview in which the singer discusses fame, the paparazzi – and those health rumours
There’s nothing quite like watching a plane take off without you to really focus your mind on how much you want to be on it. As flight BA987 knifes off the runway, and begins its journey to Berlin, I’m watching it through a window in the departures lounge – still holding the ticket for seat 12A in my hand.
Due to a frankly unlikely series of events, I had got to Heathrow three minutes after the flight was closed. Although no missed flight ever comes as a joy, this one is a particular mellow-harsher because, in five hours, I’m supposed to be interviewing arguably the most faous woman in the world – Lady Gaga – in an exclusive that has taken months of phone calls, jockeying and wrangling to set up.
It’s not so much that I am now almost certainly going to be fired. Since I found out how much the model Sophie Anderton used to earn as a high-class call girl, my commitment to continuing as a writer at The Times has been touch and go anyway, to be honest.
It’s more that I am genuinely devastated to have blown it so spectacularly. Since I saw Gaga play Poker Face at Glastonbury Festival last year, I have been a properly, hawkishly devoted admirer.
Halfway through a 45-minute set that had five costumes changes, Gaga came on stage in a dress made entirely of see-through plastic bubbles, accompanied by her matching, see-through plastic bubble piano. You have to respect a woman who can match her outfit to her instrument. Although the single Poker Face is a punching, spasmodic, Euro-house stormer, Gaga took to her piano and started to play it as cathouse blues – all inverted chords and rolling fifths, with falling, heartbroken semitones on the left hand; wailing out like Bessie Smith sitting on the doorstep at 4am.
It was already incredible before she did the second half of the song standing on her piano stool, on one leg – like a tiny, transvestite ballerina.
Twenty minutes later, she ended her set literally bending over backwards to please – fireworks shooting from the nipples of her pointy bra, screaming, "I fancy you, Glastonbury – do you fancy me?" The audience went wholly, totally, dementedly nuts for her.
It caused me to have this – unprecedented – thought: "She’s making Madonna look a bit slack and unimaginative here. After all, when Madonna was 24, she was still working at Dunkin’ Donuts in New York. She weren’t playing no rolling fifths."
Since then, I have followed Gaga’s career like boys follow sports teams. As a cultural icon, she does an incredible service for women: after all, it will be hard to oppress a generation who’ve been brought up on pop stars with fire coming out of their t*ts.
She’s clearly smart and clearly hilarious – she pitched up at the Royal Variety Performance on a 16ft-high piano, modelled on Dalí’s spider-legged elephants – but has never ruined the fun by going, "Actually, I’m smart and hilarious," like, say, Bono would.
And, most importantly of all, she clearly couldn’t give a f*** what anyone says about her. When she appeared on The X Factor, it was the week after Simon Cowell had said that he was, "Looking for the new Lady Gaga." She performed Bad Romance in an 18ft-long bathtub with six dancers – then played a piano solo on a keyboard hidden in a pretend sink, while sitting on a pretend toilet. Clearly, Simon Cowell would never sign up anything like that in a million, billion years. It was very much in his face.
So yes, I am a Gaga supporter. I’m Team Gaga. She’s my girl. My pop Arsenal; my dance Red Sox; my fashion England.
At Heathrow, as I go through the rigmarole of booking the next available flight – which will get me to Berlin two hours after my appointed slot – I know what awaits me at the other end. Angry Americans. Very angry Americans from her management team.
Because in the year since Glastonbury, Gaga has taken on a semi-mythic air, like Prince or Madonna. Since she sold 15 million albums and 40 million singles, and became a tabloid staple, she now rarely does interviews. The last one she did in the UK – with Q magazine – ended with her leaving halfway through, in tears. Pap pictures of her looking spindly – covered in scratches and bruises – have carried with them the inference of those most female of traits under stress: eating disorders, self-harm. There have been collapses: last-minute cancellations of concerts in West Lafeyette and Connecticut after irregular heartbeat and exhaustion; near-collapse onstage in Auckland.
When you’ve just been named one of Time magazine’s "100 Most Influential People in the World", this is, traditionally, where you are expected to start going a bit… Jackson.
It’s incredible I was ever granted access at all – and now, unbelievably, I’ve stood her up.
I will be genuinely, tearfully grateful if I get even a ten-minute Q&A from a piqued megastar pulling a gigantic huff and answering all my questions with monosyllabic "Yes/No" binary tetchiness.
This is the worst day of my life that hasn’t involved an episiotomy.
"Hi!" Gaga’s dressing room, backstage at the O2 World Arena in Berlin. With the walls and ceiling draped in black, it resembles a pop-Gothic seraglio. But while scented candles burn churchishly, a gorgeous vintage record player on the floor – surrounded by piles of vinyl – and works of art hung on the wall give it a cheerful air. There is a table, laid with beautiful china. There are flowers, growing in the dark. And at the head of the tea table, among the flowers: Gaga.
Two things strike you about her immediately. First, that she really isn’t dressed casually. In a breast-length, silver-grey wig, she has a black lace veil wound around her face, and sits, framed, in an immense, custom-made, one-off Alexander McQueen cloak. The effect is one of having been ushered into the presence of a very powerful fairytale queen: possibly one who has recently killed Aslan, on the Stone Table.
The second thing you notice is that she is being lovely. Absolutely lovely. Both literally and figuratively; what’s under the veil and the cloak is a diminutive, well brought up, New York Catholic girl from a wealthy middle-class family, with twinkly brown eyes and a minxy sense of humour.
"So glad you finally made it!" she says, giving a huge, warm hug. "What a terrible day you’re having! Thank you so much for coming!" Holding her for a moment, she feels – through the taffeta atmosphere of billowing McQueen – borderline Kylie-tiny, but warm, and robust. Like a slender, teenage cheerleader. This is some surprise, give the aforementioned presumption that she’s cracking up.
So when Gaga says, with warm good manners, "This tea is for you," gesturing to a bone-china cup handpainted with violets, I can’t help myself from replying, uncouthly: "I know you’re tiny and must get knackered – but why do you keep collapsing?"
"My schedule is such that I don’t get very much time to eat," Gaga says, holding her teacup daintily. I don’t think the teacup is her infamous "pet teacup" that she took everywhere with her earlier in the year – including nightclubs. Perhaps it’s too famous to be merely drunk from now. Maybe it has its own dressing room.
"But I certainly don’t have an eating problem," she continues. "A little MDMA [Ecstasy] once in a while never killed anybody, but I really don’t do drugs. I don’t touch cocaine any more. I don’t smoke. Well, maybe a single cigarette – with whisky – while I’m working, because it just frees my mind a little bit. But I care about my voice. The thrill of my voice being healthy on stage is really special. I take care of myself."
Later on in the interview, Gaga takes off the McQueen cloak – perhaps pointedly, for the nosey journalist – and reveals that, underneath, she’s only wearing fishnets, knickers and a bra. To someone who is seeing her practically naked, from two feet away, her body seems non-scarred, healthy: sturdy. She is wiry, but not remotely bony. It’s a dancer’s body – not a victim’s.
I hand Gaga a page torn from that day’s paper, which I had read on the plane. It’s a story about her performance at the Met Ball in New York – one of the big events of the global celebrity calendar. In the report, it is claimed that Gaga "angered" organisers by "refusing" to walk the red carpet, and then suffered an attack of stage fright so severe she locked herself in her dressing room, and had to be "persuaded out" by "her close friend Oprah Winfrey". It’s merely the latest of the "Gaga cracking up" stories in the press.
"Is this true?" I ask her.
She reads through the story – frowning slightly at first, eyes wide open by the end.
"I wasn’t nervous!" she says, witheringly. "To be honest with you, I don’t give a f*** about red carpets, and I never do them. I don’t like them. First of all – how could any of these outfits possibly look good with an ugly red carpet under them?"
For a moment, I recall some of Gaga’s more incredible rig-outs: the silver lobster fascinator. The red PVC Elizabethan farthingale. The tunic made of Kermit heads. The red lace outfit that covered her entire face, peaking in a 2ft-high crown. She has a point.
"It’s just visually horrid," Gaga continues, in a merrily outraged way. Her manner is of your mate in the pub, slagging off the neon tabard she’s been forced to wear working at Boots. "Hollywood is not what it used to be. I don’t want to be perceived as… one of the other b*tches in a gown. I wasn’t nervous," says the woman who appeared in her Telephone video dressed in nothing more than "CRIME SCENE" tape, strategically placed across her nipples and crotch. "Don’t be SILLY!"
But still these rumours persist – of collapses and neuroses. You are, after all, a 24-year-old woman coping with enormous fame, and media pressure, on your own. You are currently the one, crucial, irreplaceable element of a 161-date world tour. How do you keep depressive, or panicked, thoughts at bay?
"Prescription medicine," she says, cheerfully. "I can’t control my thoughts at all. I’m tortured. But I like that," she laughs, cheerfully. "Lorca says it’s good to be tortured. The thoughts are unstoppable – but so is the music. It comes to me constantly. That’s why I got this tattoo," she says, proffering a white arm through the black cloak-folds.
It is a quote from the poet and art critic Rainer Maria Rilke: "In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself: ‘Must I write?’ "
There’s nothing quite like watching a plane take off without you to really focus your mind on how much you want to be on it. As flight BA987 knifes off the runway, and begins its journey to Berlin, I’m watching it through a window in the departures lounge – still holding the ticket for seat 12A in my hand.
Due to a frankly unlikely series of events, I had got to Heathrow three minutes after the flight was closed. Although no missed flight ever comes as a joy, this one is a particular mellow-harsher because, in five hours, I’m supposed to be interviewing arguably the most faous woman in the world – Lady Gaga – in an exclusive that has taken months of phone calls, jockeying and wrangling to set up.
It’s not so much that I am now almost certainly going to be fired. Since I found out how much the model Sophie Anderton used to earn as a high-class call girl, my commitment to continuing as a writer at The Times has been touch and go anyway, to be honest.
It’s more that I am genuinely devastated to have blown it so spectacularly. Since I saw Gaga play Poker Face at Glastonbury Festival last year, I have been a properly, hawkishly devoted admirer.
Halfway through a 45-minute set that had five costumes changes, Gaga came on stage in a dress made entirely of see-through plastic bubbles, accompanied by her matching, see-through plastic bubble piano. You have to respect a woman who can match her outfit to her instrument. Although the single Poker Face is a punching, spasmodic, Euro-house stormer, Gaga took to her piano and started to play it as cathouse blues – all inverted chords and rolling fifths, with falling, heartbroken semitones on the left hand; wailing out like Bessie Smith sitting on the doorstep at 4am.
It was already incredible before she did the second half of the song standing on her piano stool, on one leg – like a tiny, transvestite ballerina.
Twenty minutes later, she ended her set literally bending over backwards to please – fireworks shooting from the nipples of her pointy bra, screaming, "I fancy you, Glastonbury – do you fancy me?" The audience went wholly, totally, dementedly nuts for her.
It caused me to have this – unprecedented – thought: "She’s making Madonna look a bit slack and unimaginative here. After all, when Madonna was 24, she was still working at Dunkin’ Donuts in New York. She weren’t playing no rolling fifths."
Since then, I have followed Gaga’s career like boys follow sports teams. As a cultural icon, she does an incredible service for women: after all, it will be hard to oppress a generation who’ve been brought up on pop stars with fire coming out of their t*ts.
She’s clearly smart and clearly hilarious – she pitched up at the Royal Variety Performance on a 16ft-high piano, modelled on Dalí’s spider-legged elephants – but has never ruined the fun by going, "Actually, I’m smart and hilarious," like, say, Bono would.
And, most importantly of all, she clearly couldn’t give a f*** what anyone says about her. When she appeared on The X Factor, it was the week after Simon Cowell had said that he was, "Looking for the new Lady Gaga." She performed Bad Romance in an 18ft-long bathtub with six dancers – then played a piano solo on a keyboard hidden in a pretend sink, while sitting on a pretend toilet. Clearly, Simon Cowell would never sign up anything like that in a million, billion years. It was very much in his face.
So yes, I am a Gaga supporter. I’m Team Gaga. She’s my girl. My pop Arsenal; my dance Red Sox; my fashion England.
At Heathrow, as I go through the rigmarole of booking the next available flight – which will get me to Berlin two hours after my appointed slot – I know what awaits me at the other end. Angry Americans. Very angry Americans from her management team.
Because in the year since Glastonbury, Gaga has taken on a semi-mythic air, like Prince or Madonna. Since she sold 15 million albums and 40 million singles, and became a tabloid staple, she now rarely does interviews. The last one she did in the UK – with Q magazine – ended with her leaving halfway through, in tears. Pap pictures of her looking spindly – covered in scratches and bruises – have carried with them the inference of those most female of traits under stress: eating disorders, self-harm. There have been collapses: last-minute cancellations of concerts in West Lafeyette and Connecticut after irregular heartbeat and exhaustion; near-collapse onstage in Auckland.
When you’ve just been named one of Time magazine’s "100 Most Influential People in the World", this is, traditionally, where you are expected to start going a bit… Jackson.
It’s incredible I was ever granted access at all – and now, unbelievably, I’ve stood her up.
I will be genuinely, tearfully grateful if I get even a ten-minute Q&A from a piqued megastar pulling a gigantic huff and answering all my questions with monosyllabic "Yes/No" binary tetchiness.
This is the worst day of my life that hasn’t involved an episiotomy.
"Hi!" Gaga’s dressing room, backstage at the O2 World Arena in Berlin. With the walls and ceiling draped in black, it resembles a pop-Gothic seraglio. But while scented candles burn churchishly, a gorgeous vintage record player on the floor – surrounded by piles of vinyl – and works of art hung on the wall give it a cheerful air. There is a table, laid with beautiful china. There are flowers, growing in the dark. And at the head of the tea table, among the flowers: Gaga.
Two things strike you about her immediately. First, that she really isn’t dressed casually. In a breast-length, silver-grey wig, she has a black lace veil wound around her face, and sits, framed, in an immense, custom-made, one-off Alexander McQueen cloak. The effect is one of having been ushered into the presence of a very powerful fairytale queen: possibly one who has recently killed Aslan, on the Stone Table.
The second thing you notice is that she is being lovely. Absolutely lovely. Both literally and figuratively; what’s under the veil and the cloak is a diminutive, well brought up, New York Catholic girl from a wealthy middle-class family, with twinkly brown eyes and a minxy sense of humour.
"So glad you finally made it!" she says, giving a huge, warm hug. "What a terrible day you’re having! Thank you so much for coming!" Holding her for a moment, she feels – through the taffeta atmosphere of billowing McQueen – borderline Kylie-tiny, but warm, and robust. Like a slender, teenage cheerleader. This is some surprise, give the aforementioned presumption that she’s cracking up.
So when Gaga says, with warm good manners, "This tea is for you," gesturing to a bone-china cup handpainted with violets, I can’t help myself from replying, uncouthly: "I know you’re tiny and must get knackered – but why do you keep collapsing?"
"My schedule is such that I don’t get very much time to eat," Gaga says, holding her teacup daintily. I don’t think the teacup is her infamous "pet teacup" that she took everywhere with her earlier in the year – including nightclubs. Perhaps it’s too famous to be merely drunk from now. Maybe it has its own dressing room.
"But I certainly don’t have an eating problem," she continues. "A little MDMA [Ecstasy] once in a while never killed anybody, but I really don’t do drugs. I don’t touch cocaine any more. I don’t smoke. Well, maybe a single cigarette – with whisky – while I’m working, because it just frees my mind a little bit. But I care about my voice. The thrill of my voice being healthy on stage is really special. I take care of myself."
Later on in the interview, Gaga takes off the McQueen cloak – perhaps pointedly, for the nosey journalist – and reveals that, underneath, she’s only wearing fishnets, knickers and a bra. To someone who is seeing her practically naked, from two feet away, her body seems non-scarred, healthy: sturdy. She is wiry, but not remotely bony. It’s a dancer’s body – not a victim’s.
I hand Gaga a page torn from that day’s paper, which I had read on the plane. It’s a story about her performance at the Met Ball in New York – one of the big events of the global celebrity calendar. In the report, it is claimed that Gaga "angered" organisers by "refusing" to walk the red carpet, and then suffered an attack of stage fright so severe she locked herself in her dressing room, and had to be "persuaded out" by "her close friend Oprah Winfrey". It’s merely the latest of the "Gaga cracking up" stories in the press.
"Is this true?" I ask her.
She reads through the story – frowning slightly at first, eyes wide open by the end.
"I wasn’t nervous!" she says, witheringly. "To be honest with you, I don’t give a f*** about red carpets, and I never do them. I don’t like them. First of all – how could any of these outfits possibly look good with an ugly red carpet under them?"
For a moment, I recall some of Gaga’s more incredible rig-outs: the silver lobster fascinator. The red PVC Elizabethan farthingale. The tunic made of Kermit heads. The red lace outfit that covered her entire face, peaking in a 2ft-high crown. She has a point.
"It’s just visually horrid," Gaga continues, in a merrily outraged way. Her manner is of your mate in the pub, slagging off the neon tabard she’s been forced to wear working at Boots. "Hollywood is not what it used to be. I don’t want to be perceived as… one of the other b*tches in a gown. I wasn’t nervous," says the woman who appeared in her Telephone video dressed in nothing more than "CRIME SCENE" tape, strategically placed across her nipples and crotch. "Don’t be SILLY!"
But still these rumours persist – of collapses and neuroses. You are, after all, a 24-year-old woman coping with enormous fame, and media pressure, on your own. You are currently the one, crucial, irreplaceable element of a 161-date world tour. How do you keep depressive, or panicked, thoughts at bay?
"Prescription medicine," she says, cheerfully. "I can’t control my thoughts at all. I’m tortured. But I like that," she laughs, cheerfully. "Lorca says it’s good to be tortured. The thoughts are unstoppable – but so is the music. It comes to me constantly. That’s why I got this tattoo," she says, proffering a white arm through the black cloak-folds.
It is a quote from the poet and art critic Rainer Maria Rilke: "In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself: ‘Must I write?’ "